Lips of an Angel
by swimmergal06
Summary: Derek and Meredith are both involved with other people, but what will happen when their lives cross paths?  AU MerDer
1. Chapter 1

**Okay, here it is, my new story! I am really excited for this one, and I hope you guys all are too. I'll try to have another update up by the end of the week, but I can't make any guarantees. Please let me know what you think, and as always, I welcome your suggestions as to how I can make this story better. Thanks for reading!**

**Lips of an Angel**

**Hinder  
**

**Honey why are you calling me so late?**  
**It's kinda hard to talk right now**  
**Honey why are you crying, is everything okay?**  
**I gotta whisper ?cause I can't be too loud**

**Well, my girl's in the next room**  
**Sometimes I wish she was you**  
**I guess we never really moved on**

**It's really good to hear your voice saying my name**  
**It sounds so sweet**  
**Coming from the lips of an angel**  
**Hearing those words it makes me weak**

**And I never wanna say goodbye**  
**But girl you make it hard to be faithful**  
**With the lips of an angel**

**It's funny that you're calling me tonight**  
**And yes I've dreamt of you too**  
**And does he know you're talking to me?**  
**Will it start a fight?**  
**No I don't think she has a clue**

**Well my girl's in the next room**  
**Sometimes I wish she was you**  
**I guess we never really moved on**

**It's really good to hear your voice saying my name**  
**It sounds so sweet**  
**Coming from the lips of an angel**  
**Hearing those words it makes me weak**

**And I never wanna say goodbye**  
**But girl you make it hard to be faithful**  
**With the lips of an angel**

**It's really good to hear your voice saying my name**  
**It sounds so sweet**  
**Coming from the lips of an angel**  
**Hearing those words it makes me weak**

**And I never wanna say goodbye**  
**But girl you make it hard to be faithful**  
**With the lips of an angel**

**And I never wanna say goodbye**  
**But girl you make it hard to be faithful**  
**With the lips of an angel**  
**Honey why are you calling me so late?**

Meredith Grey had never thought that she would be this girl. The girl who looked for dresses to wear on dates and thought about things like where she and her boyfriend would go to dinner on Friday nights and yelling at him for not taking out the trash. She had never thought that she would be in a relationship at all, but now…she just felt normal. She was a normal girl, who loved her boyfriend and didn't have any issues or fears about her future.

Her mother didn't exactly like the way she had decided to live her life. Meredith was a resident at the hospital, but she hadn't wanted to spend every single moment of her life trying to become a better doctor. Instead, she wanted to live her life as a normal person, trying to be something more than just a doctor. She was happy with her life, she loved being a doctor, but she also loved being a best friend and a girlfriend…feeling like a real person instead of a slave to the hospital.

She smiled as she heard the front door open and turned to look at her reflection in the mirror. She was finally ready, and she couldn't help feeling a flutter of excitement as she thought about how nice it would be to just spend some time with him alone. She had been working a lot of hours and he had been putting in a lot of hours at the firm, so it was going to feel wonderful to just go out to dinner without any worries about surgery or court.

"Hey baby," his voice came from the doorway, and Meredith turned to smile at him.

"Hi," she said, offering him a soft smile. "I'm almost ready."

"You look beautiful," he smiled, leaning in to kiss her cheek. "You know how much I love that dress."

"It's why I wore it," she nodded, reaching for her heeled sandals. "Did you call the restaurant to make sure that they got our reservation?"

"Actually, there's a change in plans," he said, reaching into his closet as he pulled out a dark green shirt. "One of the new partners at the firm was asking me about good restaurants to try, so I invited her and her boyfriend out with us. I know it's not exactly what we planned, but I thought it might be nice if we showed them around. They're brand new, just moved here last week and don't really know anyone."

"So you just let them come out with us?" Meredith frowned. "I was looking forward to this, Nathan. It was supposed to just be the two of us."

"So now it'll be the four of us," Nathan shrugged. "They'll be here in a few minutes, so if you're going to get mad do it now. I don't want you to be sulking all night."

"They're coming to our apartment?" Meredith frowned. "We never have people come over. What the hell were you thinking?"

"I was thinking that one of my coworkers needs some help learning her way around the city," Nathan said. "And that my girlfriend would be willing to help her out. Come on, Mer. It's what we do."

"I just…I was really looking forward to spending time alone with you," Meredith said. "We've both been busy."

"I know, I'm sorry baby," Nathan said, flashing her a wide smile as he reached out to place his hands on her hips. "I promise after dinner tonight…I'm all yours."

Meredith looked at him for a moment before she nodded slowly. "Okay," she said.

Nathan raised an eyebrow as he looked at her carefully. "Okay?" he repeated. "Okay as in it's really okay, or okay as in you're going to sulk and drink tequila all night?"

"Okay as in it's really okay," Meredith nodded, leaning in to kiss him softly. "But…I can drink tequila tonight. So that later…well, you love it when I drink tequila."

"I do," he laughed, pulling her close and kissing her deeply. "How about a preview?"

Meredith giggled as she rocked her hips against his, unable to mistake the bulge between his legs. "That sounds…amazing."

He eased her back onto the bed and leaned over her, kissing her deeply as he allowed his body to press against hers. Before they could continue any further, however, the buzzer sounded from the living room, signaling that there was someone downstairs. Meredith groaned and pushed Nathan off of her, standing to straighten her dress.

"Go answer the door," she said, her chest heaving with breathlessness.

"You want me to answer the door like this?" Nathan frowned, and she turned to look at him. His shirt was undone, his hair a mess, and he was very obviously still aroused.

"Fine," she sighed, leaning in to kiss him one last time. "But you totally owe me for this."

"I'll take whatever punishment you're handing out," Nathan laughed.

Meredith shook her head as she walked out of her bedroom, making her way towards the front door. She buzzed their visitors up and turned to look in the mirror, making sure that her appearance wasn't too horrible. She knew that she probably should have put her foot down when Nathan had told her that he had invited other people out to dinner with them, but she didn't have the energy. As much as she wanted to spend time alone with Nathan, this would be fine too. Neither one of them were working, it was a Friday night…they'd go have dinner with his coworker and then come home and have hot sex. It wasn't perfect, but it was good enough. And she could at least look forward to the sex.

She pulled the door open just as soon as there was a knock on the door, pasting a smile onto her face as she met the gaze of a tall, blonde haired woman with wide brown eyes. "Hi," she said. "I'm Meredith."

"Meredith," the woman smiled. "Nathan's told me so much about you. I'm Tiffany. My boyfriend's parking the car, but he should be up in a minute."

"Well, come on in," Meredith said, ushering her inside. "Nathan's just finishing up, but he should be out any second."

"I hope we're not interrupting anything," Tiffany sighed. "Nathan assured me that it was no problem, but I hope you don't mind either. It's hard, moving to a new city and he seemed to understand."

"We do," Meredith smiled. "We moved here about three months ago from Boston, so I know what it's like to feel completely overwhelmed by a new city."

"Well thanks for your kindness," Tiffany said. "Once we're settled into our apartment you two will have to come over for dinner."

Meredith nodded slowly. "That would be…nice," she said. She couldn't wait until this dinner was over. This woman was a completely fake.

"Do you mind if I freshen up?" Tiffany asked, looking around for the bathroom.

"Of course," Meredith nodded, pointing her in the direction of the bathroom. "Right there, on your right."

"Thanks," Tiffany smiled, flashing a wide, white smile over her shoulder before she disappeared into the bathroom. Meredith rolled her eyes before she reached for her purse, making sure she had all the necessary items with her. Including extra strength Tylenol.

There was another knock at the door, and she sighed as she reached for it, already wishing that it was time for dinner to be over. This girl was a complete phony.

The moment she opened the front door, she found herself thrown off as her eyes met a pair of deep blue eyes that seemed to look into her very soul. Her eyes locked on his for a long moment before she finally allowed them to roam over the stranger standing at the front door. He was offering her a slightly crooked smile that brought a similar one to her smile, and his hair was perfectly styled in a way that made her just want to run her hands through it. He was wearing dress pants and a dark red button down shirt, and for the first time since she had started dating Nathan she found herself honestly attracted to another man.

The thought of her boyfriend, getting dressed in the next room, snapped her back into reality and she cleared her throat as she stepped backwards slightly. "Hi," she said. "I'm Meredith."

"Derek," he said, his smile widening as he reached his hand out.

"Nice to meet you," she murmured as she shook his hand. "Come on in. Nathan's just getting ready."

"Tiffany made it up here?" Derek asked.

"She's just freshening up," Meredith nodded. There was an awkward silence that followed, the time during which she searched her brain for something to say. She was terrible at this hostessing thing. "I um…do you want anything to drink?"

"I'm fine, but thanks," Derek said. "This is a great apartment."

"Thanks, we like it," Meredith smiled, actually grateful when the bathroom door opened and Tiffany emerged, making a beeline for Derek as soon as she saw him.

"Hi baby," she giggled slightly. "I missed you."

Derek laughed as he wrapped an arm around her waist. "I was just parking the car," he pointed out.

"I still missed you," she sighed, and Meredith fought the urge to roll her eyes. These people were insane. Nobody missed anyone when they were separated for five minutes.

"Hey, you made it," Nathan's voice came from behind them, and a moment later his hand landed on her hip. "I'm Nathan Sawyer, nice to meet you."

"Derek Shepherd," Derek untangled his fingers from Tiffany's to shake Nathan's hand. "Thanks for letting us crash your dinner plans."

"Not a problem," Nathan smiled. "Mer and I were just thinking how we need more couples to go out with, weren't we?"

Meredith frowned. They had never even discussed that. And if it was up to her, they would stay in every night and order take out. She hated getting dressed up and going out to fancy restaurants.

"Um…right," she finally nodded. She couldn't make an idiot out of herself in front of strangers. Nathan would kill her if she screwed this up, he was obviously excited to have some new friends, and she didn't want to disappoint him.

"Well, we should get going, right?" Tiffany broke the silence that had fallen over the apartment. "We can drive, if you want to just tell us where we're going…"

"Actually we can walk," Meredith said. "Our favorite Italian place is just two blocks away, and it's a beautiful night."

Tiffany blinked in surprise, and Nathan cleared his throat. "Actually, Mer," he said softly. "I told Tiffany we would take them to that Chinese buffet that just opened up downtown."

Anger boiled inside of Meredith as she frowned. "You know I hate Chinese food," she stated.

"Meredith," Nathan frowned. "Not now."

"But…"

"Not. Now."

"We like Italian too," Derek chimed in, obviously sensing the tension between Meredith and Nathan. "If you don't like Chinese, Meredith…"

"No," Nathan said firmly. "We're not changing our plans because she's a picky eater. Let's go."

Meredith sighed as she reached for her sweater. She knew it was going to be a long night, and now that Nathan was in a mood, it was going to be even longer. She followed Nathan out the door and down to his car, silently sliding into the passenger seat and not saying a word as they made their way towards the downtown area. The other three occupants of the car exchanged small talk as Nathan maneuvered the car around the familiar streets of Seattle and into a parking spot outside of a new Chinese buffet that had been written up in one of the magazines that Nathan was constantly reading. She remained silent as they were shown to their seats and started piling food onto their plates; she noticed how Tiffany seemed to put nothing but vegetables on her plate, and how Derek had longingly eyed the steak before Tiffany handed him another plate full of vegetables, with only a few pieces of chicken as protein. Meredith herself placed the biggest piece of steak she could find and then searched the buffet for the most tolerable of the Chinese food, ignoring Nathan's stares. He hated when she ate too much.

"So," Derek smiled warmly as they all returned to their seats. "I know that Nathan is a lawyer, obviously. What do you do, Meredith?"

"I'm a doctor," she replied, smiling slightly.

"Really?" Tiffany asked. "So is Derek!"

Meredith fought the urge to ask why Derek couldn't have said that for himself. "Really?" she heard herself say as she turned to look at him instead of his girlfriend. "Where are you going to be working?"

"I'm joining a private practice," Derek replied, eyeing Tiffany closely who smiled proudly. "My special is neurosurgery."

"Really?" Meredith asked, suddenly feeling better about the entire evening. If she could talk about surgery, everything was better. "I'm a surgical resident at Seattle Grace. I'm trying to decide on a specialty, but I actually really like neuro. I think that might be the direction I head in."

"I'd be happy to sit down and talk to you about it at some point," Derek said, a wide smile coming across his face.

"That would be amazing," Meredith breathed. "Have you ever done any amazing surgeries? Because I know private practice practitioners don't usually do anything out of routine procedures, but last week I scrubbed in on a corpus colostomy."

"You did?" Derek's eyes widened. "I actually scrubbed in on one when I was an intern to. It was incredible, an even bigger rush than normal surgeries give."

"I know," Meredith breathed. "I can't believe the coincidence."

"It's a small world," Nathan laughed from beside her, reaching for her hand. He gave it a gentle squeeze, and she smiled softly at him, knowing that he was apologizing for snapping at her earlier.

"If I ever have to bring a case to Grace," Derek continued. "I'll make sure you get to consult."

"That would be amazing," Meredith breathed. "Thank you."

"My pleasure," Derek smiled, and for a moment their eyes remained trained on each others, holding an intense gaze for a long, energized moment.

"Well, let's talk about something we can all talk about," Tiffany said, breaking the moment between Derek and Meredith. "Like what we should do next weekend."

"Next weekend?" Derek and Meredith asked together.

"Right," Tiffany said. "We need friends, Derek. And so do Meredith and Nathan. So we should do something different next weekend."

"It's what couples do," Nathan agreed.

"Right," Meredith nodded. Maybe she could trade shifts with Christina so she would have to work all weekend. Although it might not be that bad. Tiffany was kind of annoying, but she liked Derek. And if things got too bad the two of them could talk about surgery or something.

"How long have you two lived in Seattle?" Tiffany was asking, and after a moment Meredith realized that the question was directed at her.

"We moved here a year and a half ago," Meredith said. "I got accepted to the Seattle Grace internship program and I couldn't turn it down. So after I graduated med school we moved out here and Nathan joined the firm. But well…I used to live here before. When I was little, but then my mom decided she wanted to move to the east coast, so we moved back to Boston. So I'm not really from Seattle, but I was born here and then I moved back here, so I guess it can be said that I'm from Seattle…"

"Meredith," Nathan said softly, shaking his head.

"Sorry," Meredith murmured. She knew he hated her rambling habit.

"Did you even take a breath?" Derek asked, a bemused smile spreading across his face.

"It's a habit," Meredith felt her cheeks reddening. "A bad one, I know. I'm trying to stop."

"I thought it was amusing," Derek laughed, then cleared his throat when Tiffany shot him a look.

The rest of the evening consisted of the four of them exchanging small tidbits of information about themselves and getting to know each other. Meredith found herself becoming more comfortable as she learned more about the two of them, and she couldn't help but feel that there was more to Derek Shepherd than he was offering. She was looking forward to getting to know him better, even if Tiffany got on her nerves.

After dropping Derek and Tiffany off at their car, Meredith followed Nathan up the stairs to their apartment, suddenly finding herself exhausted.

"Did you have fun?" Nathan asked as he unlocked the front door and followed her into their bedroom.

"It was…nice," Meredith said carefully. "Derek seems interesting."

"I had no idea he was a doctor too," Nathan shook his head. "Small world."

"It definitely is," Meredith murmured.

"It will be nice to have some friends," Nathan continued. "It's been too long since we had other people to do stuff with."

"I have friends," Meredith frowned.

"Meredith, getting drunk with Christina doesn't count as a friendship," Nathan said. "That's wishing you were still in college."

"We don't get drunk that often," Meredith frowned. "She's my best friend. And we do more than go to Joe's."

"Right, you let her kick me out of bed in the morning," Nathan said. "I really think it will be good for you to find some friendships outside of the hospital."

"So you've been saying," Meredith sighed, pulling her dress off and reaching for her pajamas.

"I know you're worried about turning into your mom," Nathan continued. "And I'm trying to help you have a life outside of the hospital the way she never wanted to."

Meredith sighed as she nodded. She knew that Nathan was just trying to make sure that she was happy, and she appreciated that. He loved her, and even though she got frustrated with him sometimes, he really just wanted to make her happy. No one had ever cared about her like that before, and she was still learning to appreciate it.

"I know," she finally sighed, stepping closer to him and wrapping her arms around his neck. "Thank you."

"Just looking out for my girl," Nathan smiled, his hands going to her hips.

"I love you for that," Meredith whispered, leaning up to kiss him. "But I do remember something about you making this up to me…"

"Oh," Nathan smiled, grabbing her by the thighs to toss her gently onto the bed. "I'll make it up to you a couple times."

"Good," she giggled, pulling him down to kiss him deeply. She wrapped her arms tightly around his neck, loving the way he was able to make her feel cherished and loved in this moment. He kissed her passionately, and as she closed her eyes, she pushed all thoughts of Derek Shepherd out of her mind, ignoring the sensation that her life was about to change dramatically in the near future.


	2. Chapter 2

Derek Shepherd was not a liar.

From the moment he had witnessed his father's death before his eyes, shielding his youngest sister from the horrifying event, he knew that he was no longer a carefree ten year old boy, but the man of the house. And that meant no more lying, whether it be telling his mother he'd eaten his vegetables or anything more serious. And in the past twenty five years, he had not told a single lie.

But now he was taking a risk and attempting to pull of a greater deception than he ever had before. He had woken this morning, eaten breakfast with Tiffany, kissed her goodbye, and headed off to the first day of his new job. She knew this.

What his girlfriend didn't know was that he wasn't going to a private practice. Today, he was officially the head of neurosurgery at Seattle Grace hospital.

He'd taken the job despite her insistence that the money and the hours were better in the private practice world. They'd fought on the matter for months, and then he'd finally given in, telling her that if she wanted him to join a practice, then that was what he would do. But when Richard Webber had called him back with a counter offer for two million dollars a year, he couldn't turn it down. After working in a practice for five years since he had finished his residency, he knew that he was meant to work in a hospital. More interesting cases and a feeling of helping people who actually needed him, instead of just those who could afford him.

He knew it was wrong. Hiding his job from Tiffany was going to be completely challenging. He was going to have to keep business cards and paychecks filed in his office at work, and he was going to have to avoid ever having her come visit him at work. He wasn't too worried about that part though; in the three years he and Tiffany had been dating, she had never once come to visit him at work.

The only flaw in his plan was going to be Meredith. Not that she was a bad thing, because he had thoroughly enjoyed talking to her the evening before. She didn't seem right for her ass of a boyfriend, but she had seemed like a wonderful person. But if they were going to be friends, he was going to have to explain the whole deception thing to her, which he wasn't sure he was ready for. He just hoped that today he would be able to learn his way around the hospital without running into her. Maybe he would even be fortunate enough to learn that she had a day off.

He stared at the large hospital for a long moment before he took a deep breath and stepped through the doors for the first time, knowing that he was about to change his life forever. He stopped at the reception area to his left and asked for directions to the chief of surgery's office, then moved towards the elevators. He then checked in with Richard's personal secretary and waited outside the office, trying not to be too nervous. Richard was his former resident, after all, and he knew that he was wanted here. He was one of the most promising surgeons in New York, and at a hospital like Grace he could really get his name out there into the surgical world. He was going to become the best neurosurgeon in the country, and this was the only way he could do it.

"Derek Shepherd," Richard smiled as he opened the door to a large, well lit office. "Come on in."

"Richard," Derek nodded, standing and reaching to shake the older man's hand. "It's good to see you again."

"You too, Derek, you too. I am glad that you made the decision to come here after all," Richard smiled widely.

"Me too," he said honestly as he settled down in the chairs across from Richard's desk, across from his former mentor.

"I presume that you've looked over the contract," Richard said, reaching for his own copy of the contract he'd faxed Derek the week before. "Do you have any questions?"

"It looks pretty straightforward," Derek nodded. "I'm ready to sign if you are."

"Sign away," Richard nodded, handing Derek a pen. "I'll take you down to HR myself to get you some scrubs and a lab coat, as well as have your ID tag made. Afterwards I'll show you to your office and show you the facilities."

"That would be wonderful," Derek nodded.

"We don't have much for you to do today," Richard continued, placing Derek's signed contract in a file in his cabinet, to be dealt with later. "You know that Grace is one of the top teaching hospitals in the country."

"I am," Derek nodded, matching Richard's long stride as he headed back towards the elevators at the end of the hall.

"As head of neuro, you will interact quite frequently with interns and residents," Richard informed him. "Some will be more interested in neurosurgery than others, but as you know each intern has to spend a specified amount of time in each specialty."

"Of course."

"I put some reading materials on your desk," Richard continued. "Included are some guideline for interactions with residents and interns. Your job is to teach them, and there are regulations regarding how much they are permitted to do without supervision."

"I'll be sure to look it over tonight," Derek nodded.

"Here we are," Richard said, stepping off of the elevator on the ground floor and leading Derek through a restricted area to the corporate offices. Derek received all of his new IDs and work attire, then followed Richard to the neurology floor.

"This will be your office," Richard said, pushing open the door. Derek looked around at the small surroundings, taking in the dark blue carpet, the mahogany desk that sat to his right and the small couch across from the door. There was a small filing cabinet beside the couch a bookshelf stocked with old textbooks beside the door. It was a smaller, simpler office than he was used to, but that was okay. He had a feeling that he wouldn't spend that much time there anyways, but he still wanted it to be comfortable.

"If you'd like to change into your scrubs, I'll give you a few minutes to get adjusted," Richard offered, glancing down at his beeping pager. "I'll come back in a few minutes to check on you and start the tour."

"Thanks," Derek smiled, shutting the door behind Richard and looking around his surroundings. He would have to bring in some pictures of his family and Tiffany, make it feel a little more like home, but he could do it. He already felt some more comfortable at the hospital than he had at the practice he'd worked at in New York.

"Derek?" Richard knocked on the door just as he was fastening his ID tag and pager to the waistband of his scrubs.

"Come in, Richard."

"I'm really sorry to do this, but there's something I have to take care of," Richard shook his head. "A long term patient just coded, I've got to handle it. I've called our best surgical resident up to take you on a tour though, and I'll check in with you after everything is settled downstairs. I'm sorry."

"That's okay," Derek nodded. "I understand completely."

"I figured you would," Richard nodded. "Dr. Grey will be right up, she's our most promising neurosurgery residents, so you will be working with her a lot."

"Thanks," Derek nodded.

Richard's pager sounded again, and he turned back to the door, disappearing with another apology over his shoulder.

Derek sighed as he moved to the desk, running his hand over the smooth wooden surface before he sat down, picking up a pile of papers that sat in front of him. Starting a new job would be stressful, but he was determined to become the best thing that ever happened to Seattle Grace. One day he would become the chief of surgery, and this was only the first day of a long journey to that role.

"Dr. Shepherd?"

There was a knock on the door, and he looked up to see Meredith standing in the doorway. He blinked in surprise for a moment before he stood, making his way towards her. "Meredith," he breathed.

"Derek," she replied, obviously just as shocked to see him as he was to see her. "I…you're the new head of neuro?"

"I am," he nodded, his heart pounding in his chest. "You're the best neuro resident in the hospital."

Meredith opened her mouth to say something but was obviously distracted by his statement. "Richard said that?" she asked.

"He did," he nodded. "And he said that you would be taking me on a tour of the hospital. Apparently we're going to be working together a lot so it said it would be good for us to meet right away."

"Right," Meredith nodded slowly. "I um..this is just offices up here, but we should go down to the surgery floor."

"Sounds good," Derek nodded. He fell into step beside her as she walked back towards the hospital, and he could feel Meredith's heavy gaze on him. She was silent, however, until they were alone in the elevator. She pressed the button for the fourth floor and turned to look at him carefully.

"You said you were joining a practice," she observed. She wasn't being nosy, but she just sounded genuinely curious.

"I know," he sighed, looking up at the ceiling. "It was…a change of plans."

"From less than twelve hours ago?" Meredith raised an eyebrow.

"Um…yes," Derek nodded, knowing that he sounded like a complete idiot.

"Okay," Meredith shrugged, and let the subject drop.

He turned to look at her carefully as she stared at the illuminated lights above the door of the elevator. She was wearing light blue scrubs that contrasted to his navy blue ones, her hands shoved into the pockets of her lab coat that was much more well worn than his own freshly starched coat. Her feet were clad in blue Converse, obviously in preparation for being on her feet all day, and her hair was pulled back into a messy ponytail. She wasn't wearing any make up, but he couldn't help but think she seemed much more…Meredith today than she had last night. Which was crazy because he didn't really know her at all.

"Here we are," Meredith said, stepping off of the elevator into a large atrium. "This is the nurse's desk. All the charts are kept here, and the waiting area is over there," she gestured to the area to the left of the stairs that led up to a landing with what appeared to be patient rooms and exam rooms.

"Ors are this way," she said, moving towards their right. "We've got three of them. This is the OR board…"

She showed him the entire hospital, taking him down to the ER and even the tunnels where she apparently preferred to do her paperwork. They ended their tour in the cafeteria, where Meredith reached into her lab coat and slid some money across the table in exchange for two large cups of coffee.

"Here," she offered him a large cup.

"Thanks," Derek smiled. "If I remember correctly from my residency, I'll be drinking a lot of this stuff."

Meredith giggled as they walked towards the entrance of the cafeteria. "It's actually sunny out today," she said. "There's not much on the board today, do you want to go sit on the benches outside?"

"Sure," Derek nodded. "Is it usually this slow?"

"Definitely not," Meredith shook her head. "During my internship we dealt with train crashes, bombs, and ferryboat crashes. And those are only the big crises. There were plenty of strange cases. You'll see things here you've never seen before."

"Good," Derek nodded as they settled down on a bench. "That's why I came here. I need some interesting cases."

Meredith stared at him for a moment before she asked, "Can I be rude and nosy and really not polite?"

Derek laughed slightly, knowing exactly what she was going to ask. "Sure," he gave her permission.

"What could possibly have happened to make you change your life plans between dinner last night and this morning?" Meredith asked.

Derek sighed as he looked down at the coffee cup cradled in his hands. "You're going to think I'm a horrible person," he said.

"Try me," she requested.

"I was offered this job a month ago," Derek said. "I knew Tiffany was going to be transferred out here, and I wanted to be sure I had a job. Richard was my resident, and he was excited to have me out here. It seemed perfect, but when I told Tiff…she wanted me to join a practice. So I turned down this job, but then Richard countered and I couldn't exactly say no."

"But you never told Tiffany that you took this job," Meredith nodded.

"Exactly," Derek sighed. "I know it makes me sound like a complete ass, but…I had to do this. For myself."

"I get it," Meredith nodded. "Working in a hospital is challenging. I think working in a private practice would be boring."

"It was," Derek nodded. "And I think I'm going to like Seattle, but if practice life was boring in New York…"

"It will be even worse in Seattle," Meredith nodded. "I get it."

"I hate lying to Tiff," Derek admitted quietly. "It's not me. But she wouldn't understand."

"Those lawyers," Meredith joked slightly. "Very self absorbed."

"Very," Derek agreed, sipping at his coffee.

"I won't tell Nathan," Meredith said softly. "If we're going to do this whole coupley friend thing…I'll help keep your secret."

"Thanks," Derek said softly. "I…I appreciate it."

"Well, I expect to get rewarded for that," Meredith said. "Surgeries are a good exchange."

Derek laughed. "I can't give you surgeries because you're helping me lie to my girlfriend," he laughed.

"Fine," Meredith shrugged. "But once you see me in the OR, you're going to want me to scrub in on every single one of your surgeries."

"From what I hear, I'm going to want you with me most of the time anyways," Derek shrugged.

Meredith blushed slightly. "Thanks," was all she uttered.

"So why didn't you tell me how good you were last night?" Derek asked. "When surgeons meet other surgeons, they usually have to prove that they're the better of the two."

"I know," Meredith shrugged. "Nathan doesn't like when I talk about medicine. He doesn't understand what I'm talking about, and he doesn't like that."

"Don't you think that's a little unfair?" Derek asked. "What do you talk about when you come home?"

"Stuff," Meredith shrugged. "I don't let him talk about his cases either, I think they're boring."

"Well, you're right about that," Derek shrugged. "Tiffany always talks my ear off about her cases, it drives me insane."

"Yeah, she's…interesting," Meredith said slowly.

Derek sighed as he looked straight ahead of him. Meredith was a virtual stranger, and yet he was divulging information about his personal life to her. He wasn't sure why, but he had a feeling that she was doing the same thing with him. There was something about her that simply made him want to talk about every aspect of his life.

"So," he said, leaning back against the bench and looking at her carefully. "What do you think of the head of plastics?"

"Sloan?" Meredith rolled her eyes. "He's the cockiest surgeon this hospital has. And while he's good at his job, he's not as amazing as he thinks he is outside of the OR. And he's horrible to the interns."

Derek laughed. "That sounds like Mark," he nodded.

"You sound like you know him," Meredith commented.

"I grew up with him," Derek said. "We met in elementary school and he had horrible parents. My mom all but raised him."

"Well, she went wrong somewhere," Meredith giggled, then froze. "Derek, I'm sorry, I didn't mean…"

"That's okay," he shook his head. "You're right. Mark…maybe he doesn't have the Shepherd DNA that includes tact and respect for other human beings."

"Ah, that must be it," Meredith laughed. "He's actually dating my sister."

"Mark?" Derek frowned. "Dating?"

"Yeah," Meredith shrugged. "What's wrong with that?"

"Mark doesn't date," Derek stated. "He has sex."

"Well, I think he's doing both with Lexie," Meredith said. "Which is…I'm still not sure it's the best idea."

"It must be serious if Mark is willing to give up his sex life for her," Derek sighed. "I never thought I'd see the day."

"Hopefully Lexie won't get hurt," Meredith shrugged. "Otherwise you'll find yourself without a best friend."

"If he cares about her for real he won't hurt her," Derek promised. "He's a manwhore, but when he falls…he falls hard."

"Good," Meredith nodded. "Does he know you're starting today?"

"Yeah," Derek sighed, glancing down at his watch. "He was doing a rhinoplasty this morning, but it should be finishing up soon. We'll probably get lunch or something if you want to join us."

"Thanks," Meredith said. "I usually eat with my friends though."

"Oh, right," Derek nodded, wondering why he was disappointed by this news. "Of course."

Before either of them could continue, their pagers went off at the same time. "The pit," Meredith exclaimed, jumping to her feet. "Come on, Dr. Shepherd. Let's see if there's anything interesting for you to scrub in on your first day."

"If it's not a tumor or a craniotomy I'll be happy," Derek nodded.

"Let's go," Meredith smiled, dragging him back into the hospital and towards the OR. Derek could feel his heart pounding in anticipation of his first consult at his new hospital, feeling completely at home in his brand new hospital.


	3. Chapter 3

Meredith smiled as she pulled her hair back into a loose ponytail, excited to finally be done with another forty eight hour shift. She was tired, but willing to look past being tired for the night she had planned. She and Nathan were going to a Mariner's game with Derek and Tiffany, taking advantage of the company tickets that Nathan's law firm had offered him. And not only were they playing the Red Sox, meaning that she got to see her home team in action for the first time in years, but she knew that she would actually enjoy the evening.

The past two months since she and Nathan had met Derek and Tiffany had been an interesting combination of fun and boredom, depending on what kind of mood she was in. She'd found that Tiffany really wasn't as bad as her original impression of her had been. While she still thought the woman was far too controlling and somewhat annoying, she had actually enjoyed spending some time with her. They had had a wonderful evening at a spa a couple weeks before, and had even taken some time for girl talk, swapping stories about their respective boyfriends.

And Derek was a really great friend. She loved working with him at the hospital, and was actually really surprised that he was still holding Tiffany under the illusion that he was working at a private practice. But he was a great doctor, and he was amazing at saving lives. Working under his service was sure to make her a better surgeon, and he let her do things that no other attending had. With him she'd opened and closed on her own, and it was clear that he trusted her in the trauma unit as well.

He was also becoming an amazing friend. She loved Christina and she had fun drinking with her. But Derek was different. She could talk to Derek about things without getting sarcastic, cold remarks about her life. They had lunch together almost every day now, and she was really enjoying spending time with him. Even more alone than when they went out as a foursome, but it was fun to have another couple to hang out with.

She and Nathan had been getting along a lot better recently. He seemed to be more in tune with her own thoughts and desires and was quickly becoming more considerate of what she wanted. Maybe it was because it was no longer just the two of them together all the time, but she was loving it. He was always in a good mood now, and their relationship had gotten much stronger in the past two months.

She looked up as the door to the residents' locker room opened and her best friend walked in. "I am so glad to finally be done with this stupid day," Christina announced, collapsing onto a bench. "I need a drink. You want to dump that lawyer of yours and go to Joe's for the rest of the night?"

"Sorry, I can't," Meredith shrugged. "We're going to the Mariners game."

Christina frowned. "You need to stop spending so much time with the lawyer," she said. "I miss you."

"He has a name," Meredith pointed out. "And I live with him. I can't exactly stop spending time with him. Besides, it's the Red Sox."

"Right," Christina sighed, pulling herself up into a sitting position. "If you don't set some time aside for me soon I'll be forced to kidnap you away from him."

"Noted," Meredith giggled as she reached into her locker for her bag and slammed her locker closed. The door opened again and she smiled as she saw Derek leaning towards her.

"Ready to go?" he asked.

Aware of Christina's stunned gaze behind her, Meredith cleared her throat and nodded. "Yeah," she said. "I just…forgot something in my locker. I'll meet you in the lobby?"

"Okay," Derek flashed her a smile and straightened back up, allowing the door to fall closed behind him.

Meredith sighed as she turned back to Christina, who was staring at her with a mix of amazement and confusion. "Christina…"

"Are you sleeping with him?" Christina demanded.

"What? No!" Meredith cried. "Definitely not."

"You just told me you were going to the game with Nathan," Christina frowned. "But he just made it pretty obvious that you're going with Dr. McDreamy."

"We're going with Dr. Shepherd and his girlfriend," Meredith insisted. "It's a couples thing or whatever."

Christina ignored her and continued to create the pieces of a non-existent puzzle in her head. "That's why you're always scrubbing in on his surgeries," she said, almost to herself. "And you've ditched me to eat lunch with him more than once."

"Christina," Meredith rolled her eyes. "I'm scrubbing in on his surgeries because I declared. I'm officially specializing in neuro."

This seemed to throw Christina off, and she frowned slightly. "You declared?" she asked. "You didn't tell me that."

"I did, actually," Meredith said. "Three weeks ago."

"Oh," Christina frowned. "I um…sorry?"

Meredith held back a giggle. In a matter of seconds, they'd gone from Christina accusing her of sleeping with their boss to apologizing for not remembering that Meredith had declared her specialty. They really didn't know how to do the friendship thing like normal people.

"It's okay," she shrugged. "But you can make it up to me my believing that I'm not sleeping with Der…Dr. Shepherd."

"Fine, whatever," Christina shrugged. "I'll go find someone to have fun with at the bar."

"Good," Meredith smiled. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Bye," Christina sighed as Meredith made her way out of the locker room.

"All set?" Derek smiled, standing to meet her as she walked into the lobby.

"Yep," Meredith smiled. "You want to drive or should I?"

"I'll drive," Derek said quickly.

"Oh that's right," Meredith giggled. "I forgot that you're in love with your new car." He'd bought a new sports car a couple weeks ago and had barely stopped talking about it since.

"It's a good car," Derek shrugged.

"Does Tiffany know that you have a mistress?" Meredith giggled, bumping her shoulder against his. "Maybe I should warn her. I wouldn't want her to get upset or anything when you leave her for the car."

"Shut up."

"I'm kidding," Meredith giggled as she slid into the passenger seat of the new silver car. "But… interesting news. Apparently Christina thinks we're sleeping together."

Derek coughed loudly, pausing to look at her before he put the car into gear. "She said what?" he asked.

"Apparently we can't be friends," Meredith rolled her eyes. "Because when I scrub in on your surgeries and since we eat lunch together a couple times a week it looks like we're sleeping together."

Derek cleared his throat and shifted slightly in his seat. "Oh," he finally said. "That's…what did you say?"

"I told her it wasn't true," Meredith shrugged. "I know we're friends, but…really? That's ridiculous. Men and women can be friends without everyone in their workplace thinking they're sleeping together."

"They should," Derek sighed, turning back to start the engine.

"What's wrong?" Meredith frowned.

"Nothing," Derek shook his head. "I just…I hope no one else thinks that."

"Who cares?" Meredith shrugged. "We know it's not true, so what doesn't matter?"

"I guess that's true," Derek said, maneuvering the car onto the street. "How was your day? Any interesting surgeries?"

Meredith welcomed the change of subject and smiled slightly. "It was fine," she said. "I had to scrub in with Nelson, but he let me clip the aneurysm myself."

"Impressive," Derek smiled. "Next time you're with me I'll let you help remove a tumor. Or whatever else is wrong with the patient."

"It's not a competition," Meredith rolled her eyes. "Although today…Nelson would totally win."

"Good to know," Derek laughed. "We're here."

"I'll call Nathan," Meredith said, pulling out her cell phone as Derek pulled into a parking spot in the garage.

"Hey Mer!" Nathan's voice came over the line.

"Hi," she said. "Are you at the stadium?"

"Yeah, we're waiting by the east entrance," Nathan said. "Just waiting for you and Derek to get here."

"Okay, we'll be right over," Meredith said without thinking.

"You're with Derek?" Nathan asked, and she could hear Tiffany questioning in the background. "It's a small world that you two met up in the garage."

"Oh um…" Meredith thought frantically for a cover up, taking in Derek's panicking eyes. "Actually, Derek had to do a surgery at the hospital today, so we just came together. Saved gas or whatever."

"Oh," Nathan said. "Alright, well…I'll see you in a minute."

"We're almost there," Meredith replied before she hung up. "Sorry," she sighed.

"It's okay," Derek said. "I shouldn't be asking you to lie for me. Nice thinking, by the way. Very quick."

"Thanks," Meredith sighed. "I don't mind keeping your secret. It's what friends do, right?"

"Well, you're a great friend," Derek said, smiling down at her.

"I know."

"This is the part where you tell me that I'm a great friend too."

"You're okay," Meredith shrugged.

"I'm hurt."

"You'll get over it," Meredith giggled as she set eyes on Nathan and Tiffany. "Hey!" she smiled as she wrapped her arms around Nathan's neck. "How are you?"

"Good," Nathan laughed, kissing her for a moment. "How was your day?"

"I clipped an aneurysm," she reported proudly.

"Good job, baby," Nathan smiled, kissing her again. "I'm proud of you."

"Thanks," Meredith smiled. "Hi Tiff."

"Hi," Tiffany smiled from Derek's arms. "Are we ready to go up?"

"Up?" Derek and Meredith asked at the same time.

"Yeah, we've got the box," Nathan said, handing each of them a ticket. "Free food, unlimited drinks…it's going to be amazing."

"But…it's more fun watching from the field," Meredith pointed out. "I thought we were going to watch from the normal seats."

There was an awkward pause before Nathan said, "I thought I told you that, Mer. We don't have any seats besides the box."

"It's okay," she said. "I'm sorry, I just didn't realize…"

"I'm sorry," Nathan sighed, pulling her closer. "I'll make it up to you later."

She smiled slightly as she hooked her arms around his neck. "I'm looking forward to it," she whispered.

"Okay, so…let's go," Tiffany said, taking Derek's hand and leading them all to the elevators that would carry them to the executive boxes at the top of the stadium.

"It's…nice," Derek nodded as they entered the box. A full bar sat to their right, and a small couch faced a large plasma screen TV to their left. In front of them was a large sliding glass door, leading out to a balcony with plush plastic seats that looked over the entire field.

"Tequila!" Meredith cried, reaching for the bottle that sat on the bar. "Mine!"

Derek laughed and Tiffany giggled as she followed suit. "I'll take the gin," she said, reaching for her own bottle and hooking her arm through Meredith's. "Come on, Mer. The boys can drive home!"

"That's definitely the plan," Meredith said, taking a long swig from the tequila bottle.

Nathan laughed as he reached for a beer from the cooler and handed it to Derek before getting one for himself. "She loves herself some tequila," he laughed.

"I can tell," Derek said before they disappeared onto the balcony.

"So," Tiffany said, settling onto the couch beside Meredith. "Nathan was telling me about the bed and breakfast he took you to for your birthday last year."

Meredith smiled automatically as she remembered the tiny town they had gone to outside of Seattle last May. "It was a great little place," she said. "Why was he telling you about it?"

"Derek's birthday is in a couple weeks," Tiffany replied. "I was thinking of something special I could do for him. Nathan suggested that."

"I would definitely say that would be a good idea," Meredith nodded. "I mean, when we were there we were just…well, you know. And the bed is the most comfortable one I have ever slept on. And there was this huge bathtub with Jacuzzi jets. Oh, and the balcony was amazing."

Tiffany nodded slowly. "Okay," she said. "But…what about the town? What was there to do?"

Meredith blinked slightly. "We didn't really spend much time in the town," she said. "It was my birthday, Nathan wanted to do what I wanted to. And I wanted sex."

"Were there antique shops?" Tiffany asked, ignoring Meredith's statement. "I love antiquing. And all of those quaint little restaurants I've heard about out here. That's what I really want to see."

"But…isn't it Derek's birthday?" Meredith asked.

"Yeah," Tiffany nodded.

"So don't you want to do something he'd enjoy?" Meredith asked.

Tiffany frowned. "I don't understand," she said.

"Well, Derek likes…camping. Fishing. Sports," Meredith said. "Wouldn't you want to take him to something that involves some of his interests on his birthday instead of your own?"

Tiffany was silent for a moment before she said, "Derek likes antiques."

Meredith couldn't help the burst of laughter that escaped her lips at that statement. Seeing that Tiffany was serious, she quickly sobered and took another long sip from the tequila bottle. "I have never heard Derek say anything about antiquing," she said. "He doesn't really strike me as the type of guy who likes that kind of stuff."

"Well, he does," Tiffany defended. "And he really just wants to make me happy. He knows that antiques make me happy, so he does it with me."

"Okay," Meredith nodded. "Like when Nathan went to the Bee Gees reunion concert with me."

"Exactly," Tiffany nodded.

"So…what do you do to make Derek happy?"

"What?" Tiffany asked, a frown marring her features.

"Well, after the Bee Gees concert Nathan made me play on the volleyball team for his company picnic," Meredith explained. "I hate volleyball, but I did it for him. So what do you do for Derek? Camping? Fishing?"

"Well, I'm at a baseball game with him right now," Tiffany smiled, obviously proud of herself.

Meredith bit her tongue as she refrained from telling Tiffany that she was here because Nathan had invited her and Derek, and that he wasn't even in the same room as her right now. This was hardly Derek's idea of enjoying a sporting event.

"Hey Tiff," Derek smiled as he stuck his head into the room. "Mer, the game's about to start. Come on out here and enjoy it."

"Coming," Tiffany giggled, setting her bottle of gin on the counter and running towards Derek, wrapping her arm through his as she settled down beside him.

Meredith rolled her eyes as she took another long sip and took her tequila bottle with her onto the balcony. She was definitely going to need it.

XXXXX

Four hours later, Meredith gripped Nathan's arm tightly as he led her down the hall to the elevator.

"I'm just saying," she insisted. "The Red Sox totally kicked their butts!"

"We know, Mer," Nathan laughed slightly.

"And that means," Meredith continued. "That the Red Sox are better than those stupid Yankees."

"No, it actually means the Red Sox are better than the Mariners," Derek corrected, a bemused smile playing upon his lips.

"Same difference," Meredith shrugged, waving a hand in indifference. "I need to get my car. It's at the hospital."

"There's no way you're driving anywhere tonight," Nathan said firmly. "I'll take you home. You can take a cab into work tomorrow."

"I'll pick her up," Derek volunteered.

"Isn't that out of your way?" Tiffany frowned. "I thought your practice was on the other side of town."

"Yeah, Derek," Meredith smirked. "I'm out of your way."

Derek rolled his eyes. "My patient is post op at Grace," he said. "I'll want to check on him in the morning, so I'll pick you up on the way in."

"Oh," Meredith nodded. "Okay. Thanks."

"You're welcome," he offered her a smile that told her that knew that she would be hurting in the morning.

"Okay, well, I guess this is where we part," Nathan said as he stopped by his car. "We'll see you two soon."

"Have a good night, Nathan," Derek nodded at him. "Good night, Mer."

"Night," Meredith sighed, leaning into Nathan.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Nathan," Tiffany said, chiming in her own goodbye.

Meredith watched as Derek and Tiffany turned to continue on to his car, trying to suppress the feeling that she wished it was her sliding into the passenger seat of Derek's fancy silver sports car.


	4. Chapter 4

This was the worst day Derek could remember having in a long time. From the moment he had woken up with a crabby Tiffany beside him, his day had gone downhill with every moment; they were out of milk so he had to eat his cereal dry, he had arrived at his car to find it had a flat tire, causing him to be late for surgery, there had been a four car pile up that had prevented him from eating lunch, and then to top it off, the tumor removal he'd had scheduled as his last surgery of the day had ended with the patient coding before they could get all the way in.

It was definitely a day he did not want to repeat anytime soon. But now he was finally changing into his street clothes, getting ready to head across the street to the bar for a much needed drink. Tiffany thought that he was going to be in surgery until late in the evening, so he had time to stop for a scotch before he finally went home. He knew it probably wasn't right to be avoiding his girlfriend at all, but he needed to be alone and just stew for a few minutes before he went home to pretend it had been a normal day at the practice.

This lie was getting the best of him. He knew he was wrong, he knew that he couldn't do this for much longer, especially if he ended up with Tiffany for good. He was actually beginning to consider just telling her the truth so that he wouldn't have to lie anymore. He knew that she would be angry and this might be a dealbreaker, but if she didn't dump him on his ass…then he was ready to take things to the next level.

Tiffany was…nice. She always made sure he had everything he needed, she shared responsibilities around the house, and she was smart and funny. Not to mention the fact that she was amazing in bed, when she wanted to have sex which wasn't very often. But they had been living together for a few months now, and this was the next logical step. He knew, however, that before he invested in one of the rings in the magazines that Tiffany was leaving all over the apartment he knew he had to tell her the truth about his job.

Just not tonight.

With a pounding head, he made his way down the hall towards the elevators, smiling when he saw a familiar flash of dirty blonde hair out of the corner of his eye.

"Hi," she sighed, leaning against the wall and closing her eyes slightly as she waited beside him for the elevator.

"Hey," he replied just as unenthusiastically. "You look how I feel."

"You mean completely exhausted and ready for a drink?" Meredith suggested.

"Exactly," Derek nodded as the doors slid open. "Joe's?"

"Don't you have to go home?" Meredith asked. "Tiffany mentioned it was her week to make dinner."

"I'll go home," Derek nodded. "After I drink."

"Okay," Meredith sighed.

Together, they made their way across the street to Joe's and collapsed at the bar.

"Meredith," Joe smiled as he set a shot of tequila down in front of her and a scotch in front of Derek. "Doc. Looks like you both had a long day."

"That's one word for it," Derek sighed.

"Long three days is more like it," Meredith said. "This is the first time I've left the hospital since Wednesday morning."

Joe winced as he poured her another shot. "That," he said. "Deserves you another shot."

"Thanks," Meredith sighed, knocking back both of the shots. She looked at Derek carefully for a moment before she asked, "How was your surgery?"

"Short," he sighed, sipping at his scotch. "He coded before we could get inside."

"Oh, Derek," Meredith breathed, reaching out to lay a hand on his arm. "I'm sorry."

"Thanks," Derek sighed. "I know we can't save them all, but…it's hard, you know? I'll never be able to be okay knowing that someone died under my care."

"It wasn't your fault," Meredith murmured. "The tumor was huge. He knew going in that there was a high chance that he wouldn't make it. He wanted to do it anyways."

"I know," he sighed. "I just…he was a good man. And I had to tell his wife and son…it was just so hard. Today was a bad day to begin with, and that just topped it off."

"Well, let's turn this day around," Meredith said firmly.

"What do you mean?" he frowned.

"Joe!" Meredith cried, waving him over to their seats. "Another round. And tonight's on my tab."

"Sure thing," Joe smiled, placing another drink in front of them both.

"Mer, you don't have to," Derek frowned.

"I want to," she shrugged.

"Thanks," he said, turning to look at her. "Have I ever told you you're a really great friend?"

"No," she shook her head. "But thanks."

"Best friend I've ever had," Derek nodded.

"Wow, I beat Mark?" Meredith raised an eyebrow. "That's impressive. I must be a really good friend."

"You're much better than Mark," Derek sighed. "You don't tell me to dump my girlfriend."

"Mark tells you that?" Meredith asked.

Derek sighed. "He hates Tiff," he sighed. "Which is going to make it pretty awkward at the wedding. The best man isn't supposed to hate the bride."

Meredith inhaled sharply from beside him. "You're engaged?" she asked. "You didn't tell me that."

"I'm not engaged," Derek shook his head. "But…soon. Probably soon."

"Oh," Meredith nodded. "That's…good. Good for you."

"Yeah," Derek sighed. "What about you? You and Nathan have been together for a couple years. When are you going to get married?"

"I don't know," Meredith sighed, and he could sense some anxiety in her tone.

"You can talk to me," Derek prompted softly.

"I know," she said softly. After a moment, she sighed and said, "I don't really believe in marriage. It didn't work for my parents, and I just don't like the pressure to get married because it's the next step."

Derek inhaled sharply. That was exactly why he was getting ready to propose to Tiffany.

Before their conversation could continue any further, a familiar voice came from over Derek's shoulder, addressing them both. He turned to see Tiffany standing behind them, smiling slightly. "Tiff," he breathed, reaching out to pull her closer. He could use a hug after a day like today.

"Hey," she breathed, wrapping her arms around his neck. "I…I had a bad day."

"I did too," he whispered. "Sorry I didn't come home, I just…needed a drink."

"Me too," Tiffany said, finally pulling back from him. "Hi Mer."

"Hi," Meredith said softly. "I can go home, or move to a table or something. You guys want privacy or whatever."

"What?" Tiffany frowned. "No. You're our friend, Mer. I didn't really expect to see you guys here, but I'm glad you are. I need some company after a day like today."

"What happened?" Derek frowned as he ran a hand over her back.

"Just…bad day all around," Tiffany shrugged. "Gin and tonic, please, Joe."

"Seems like it was that way for everyone," Meredith said. "How's Nathan?"

Derek frowned at the mention of Meredith's boyfriend. Not that he really had much of a reason to be annoyed about Nathan's presence in her life, but he still didn't like the fact that she was focused on him even when he wasn't there.

"He's working late," Tiffany reported. "We have this huge case coming through, but he sent me here to get something to eat. Apparently there are the best burgers in the city here."

"You're eating a burger?" Derek frowned. He had never seen her eat a burger in the three years they'd been dating

Tiffany shrugged. "I don't really know if I have a choice," she said. "Everyone else wanted one, and I…I'm stressed out enough to eat one."

Derek nodded slowly. "Okay," he said. "You can put the order through and then wait with us until it's ready."

"Sounds good," she sighed, leaning her head against Derek's shoulder. "So how did you end up at this bar anyways?"

"Just…the only bar I know," Derek said, wrapping an arm around her and trying to ignore Meredith's glare. "So I came here. And ran into Mer."

"Huh," Tiffany shrugged. "That happens a lot, doesn't it?"

"What?" Derek asked, his heart pounding in his chest. There were rumors running around the hospital, he knew that. Rumors about him and Meredith, and how they were apparently more than friends. They had both learned to ignore those rumors, but he knew if Tiffany suspected anything she would never let them forget it.

"You and Meredith just seem to find your way together a lot," Tiffany said slowly. "And you've been home a lot less lately. Derek…is there something you need to tell me?"

"No," Derek said firmly. There was definitely something he had to tell her, but it had nothing to do with Meredith Grey. "Tiffany…you have to know that I would never do that to you."

"I'm dating Nathan," Meredith interjected. "I love him. There's…nothing would ever happen between Derek and I. We're friends, and we have a lot in common. We're both neurosurgeons so we have a lot to talk about, but that's it."

"I know," Tiffany sighed. "I'm sorry, I'm just tired and not really looking forward to going back into work. But I trust you, Derek."

"Good," he said firmly, pulling her closer to him. "I love you, Tiff."

"I love you too," she sighed, leaning into him and resting her head on his shoulder. "I wish I was going home tonight."

"I wish you were too," Derek sighed. "Do you want me to bring you any coffee or anything later?"

"No," Tiffany sighed. "I just want to stay here."

"Well, well, well, look's like the whole crowd is here," Mark's voice came from behind them before he plopped himself down in the stool beside Meredith. "Need some company, Dr. Grey? I'd be happy to complete this happy little foursome."

"Shut up, Sloan," Meredith rolled her eyes.

"Did you just tell me to shut up?" Mark raised an eyebrow. "Because I'm pretty sure that I'm your boss…"

"Mark, shut up," Derek rolled his eyes.

"Hey, I'm just trying to bring a little life into this place," Mark shrugged. "The three of you look like your dog died."

"Just a long day," Tiffany said. "Something that people who actually work know something about."

"I resent that," Mark frowned. "While you're making people divorced, I'm saving lives."

"Giving bimbos new boobs does not count as saving lives," Tiffany replied, and Derek had to consciously bit his tongue to point out that Tiffany herself had gotten new boobs two years earlier.

"At least I'm helping people, not making their lives miserable," Mark shot back.

"Okay, seriously?" Meredith frowned, looking between the two of them. "Are you two five? Stop arguing about stupid shit. Both of your jobs are important, there's no need to argue about it. And you both care about Derek, so why don't you just stop arguing and realize that you need to be there for him when he's had a bad day?"

There was silence at their area of the bar for a long moment before Mark laughed slightly. "Damn, Grey, I didn't know you were so feisty," he laughed. "You sure you won't let me buy you a drink?"

"You're dating my sister," Meredith snapped before reaching for her bag. "I'll be right back."

"Wow, she's in a mood," Tiffany said. "I don't think I've ever seen her yell before."

"Grey?" Mark laughed. "She always yells. You should try working with her."

"I can't believe she told us we were acting like five year olds," Tiffany frowned. "I really didn't need to be lectured by her, today of all days."

"Believe me, there's no day when it's good to be yelled at by Big Grey," Mark said. "Especially when it isn't even true."

"It is true," Derek said. "I know you two hate each other, but for five minutes could you make my life easier and maybe just try to get along? I don't have the energy to deal with the two of you arguing right now."

Tiffany pulled away from him, looking at him carefully as he met her gaze evenly. She finally sighed and looked past him towards Mark. "Fine," she said. "But if he hits on me, it's all over."

"Don't worry, you'll never have to worry about that," Mark promised.

"Mark," Derek groaned.

"Fine," Mark sighed, taking a long swallow of his drink. "Truce."

"Thank you," Derek sighed, his eyes landing on Meredith as she appeared from the restrooms. "You okay?" he murmured as she settled back down between him and Mark.

"Fine," she said. "I…sorry. I know I was a pain in the ass."

"Hey, it's okay," Derek said. "You were right. Tiff and Mark have even decided to call a truce."

"Good," Meredith sighed. "Joe…I'm going to go, but put everything on my tab."

"Where are you going?" Tiffany asked. "I'm sorry I was being immature and cranky, but that doesn't mean that you should leave."

"I know," Meredith nodded. "It's not you, I just…I'm tired, and I'm not really in the mood for this right now."

"Okay," Derek said, smiling up at her. "I'll see you….soon." He caught himself before he could say that he would see her tomorrow.

"Soon," Meredith nodded. "Dr. Sloan…I'll see you tomorrow."

"Night Grey," Mark didn't turn from his drink.

Meredith reached for her jacket, but suddenly froze in the middle of putting it on.

"What's wrong?" Derek frowned, following her gaze.

"Um…nothing," she said slowly, in a way that made it obvious that something was occupying her thoughts. He turned to lay eyes on what she had seen and immediately felt his heart constrict. Some of the OR nurses had just walked in, and he knew this could be very bad. If they were to see him and approach him with any kind of mention about the hospital, Tiffany would hear and it would all be over.

"You know, Tiff, there are actually better burgers down the street," Meredith was saying to his girlfriend. "Maybe we should go down there."

"But I already put my order in for here," Tiffany shrugged. "And Nathan and the guys specifically asked for Joe's burgers."

"That's because they're the best," Joe smiled as he placed two take out bags on the bar. "Enjoy."

"Thanks Joe," Tiffany sighed, reaching for her drink.

"You might want to get those burgers back before they get cold," Derek suggested.

"Derek, it's fine, I'm just going to finish my drink," Tiffany said, examining him closely. "Am I missing something? Do you not want me to be here or something?"

Mark coughed from beside Derek, and he turned to look at his supposed best friend. Mark was watching the situation with a smirk on his face, obviously enjoying the situation taking place in front of him.

"No," Derek sighed, reaching for his own drink. "I'm just in a weird mood, forget it."

"Okay," Tiffany said slowly.

"Dr. Shepherd," a voice came from behind him, and he swallowed hard as he turned to see an intern standing beside him, smiling awkwardly.

"Dr. Gilman," he nodded slowly. "How are you this evening?"

"I'm great," she smiled softly. "Dr. Sloan."

"Gilman," he nodded. "Nice night for a drink, isn't it? Speaking of drinks, hopefully tomorrow morning you'll remember I like my coffee with extra cream…"

"Dr. Shepherd, I just wanted to make sure you were okay after today," Dr. Gilman said, ignoring Mark and turning back to Derek. "I know you were upset about the surgery."

Derek sighed. He needed to learn to control his emotions around his interns, he had made it much too obvious how upset he was about not making it through the surgery this afternoon. "Thanks," he murmured. "You did good work on the case."

"I was wondering, if I might be able to buy you a drink?" Dr. Gilman asked timidly.

Time seemed to stop in the entire bar, although he knew it was really only a couple seconds during which Tiffany choked on her drink, Meredith gasped loudly from a few feet away, and Mark let out a loud laugh. But those few seconds seemed like an eternity as he searched for the appropriate response to his intern's request.

Acting first, Tiffany placed her glass on the bar and wrapped her arms tightly around Derek's neck, her eyes focused on Dr. Gilman. "Dr. Gilman, is it?" she asked. "Derek already has someone to buy him drinks. I'd appreciate it if you stopped hitting on my boyfriend now."

Dr. Gilman paled considerably before she stammered something an apology and looking down at her feet. "I'm sorry, Dr. Shepherd," she finally said clearly. "I hope you will still let me scrub in with you. You're the best attending the hospital has and I don't want to be kept away from that for something stupid like this."

Tiffany gasped and pulled away from him, and Derek sighed as he looked up at the ceiling. She was about to make a scene and he had no idea what was going to happen in the next few minutes.

"It's alright, Dr. Gilman," he murmured. "I'll see you tomorrow."

She quickly excused herself, and Derek met Meredith's eyes for a long moment before he turned back to Tiffany, hoping that Dr. Gilman's comment had potentially gone over her head.

"Attending?" she demanded. "The hospital?"

Derek cleared his throat carefully. "Oh," he said. "Um..I've been meaning to talk to you about that."

"You work at the hospital?" Tiffany demanded. "And you've been lying to me since before we moved out here? Derek, how could you do this to me?"

For the life of him, Derek had no idea what to say in response to her question.


	5. Chapter 5

Meredith could feel her own heart pounding wildly in her chest as she looked from Derek to Tiffany and back again. She wondered how Derek was feeling as he stared at his girlfriend, obviously not having been prepared for the fight that was bound to happen soon. She was panicking herself, and she was not involved at all; Derek must have been completely freaking out inside.

"Tiffany," Derek breathed, reaching for her hand. "I'm sorry. I didn't want to lie to you, I just…I knew that you weren't going to be happy about me working in a hospital. You hated when I worked at one in New York."

"Of course not," Tiffany frowned. "Derek…hospitals are long hours, not as much pay…I thought you liked your practice."

"That's because you never asked," Derek argued. "In New York, I hated the practice life. It's boring, I never got to do any interesting surgeries, there was no trauma ward, everything was routine and scheduled. At the hospital I get to perform interesting surgeries, I get to build a name for myself."

"So you've just been working at the hospital for five months since we've lived here?" Tiffany demanded. "Lying to me every single day?"

"I never wanted to lie," Derek breathed. "I just…I didn't know what else to do. I was trying to make you happy."

"But why?" Tiffany asked. "Derek…you're my boyfriend. If you can't tell me the truth about your job, then how can I know that you're telling me the truth about anything? This isn't some stupid white lie, Derek!"

Derek's eyes flickered to Meredith for a moment before returning to Tiffany. "I don't lie, Tiffany," he said confidently. "This is the first lie I've told, the biggest one, in my entire life. And I've hated it."

"But you did it," Tiffany pushed. "You lied."

"I'm sorry," Derek said softly, reaching for her hand tentatively. "I don't know what else to say. But I'll do anything to make this up to you."

Tiffany stared at him for a moment. "I don't even know what to say," she shook her head, reaching for her purse. "Derek, I…I just need some time. I need to think and figure out what I want to do."

"Tiffany…" he said, reaching for her arm as she started towards the door. "Please don't go. We need to talk about this."

"I don't need to listen to you apologizing," Tiffany said, turning to face him with tear filled eyes. "I need to think about this."

"Wait…" Derek's voice trailed off as he chased her out the door, leaving Meredith standing in the middle of the bar, her head swirling with everything she had just witnessed. Everyone was staring at her, and she quickly averted her eyes, knowing that the rumor mill was already brewing.

"Well," Mark's voice came from beside her. "At least that might be the end of the Barbie doll in our lives."

"Shut up," Meredith rolled her eyes, moving back to the bar for another shot, hoping it would help clear her head.

"You know, Derek isn't this person," Mark said as he settled back down beside her. "He's never lied to anyone, ever. That should have been hint number one that that chick was all wrong for him."

"And hint number two should have been her shallow and predictable persona," Meredith rolled her eyes. "Seriously…what the hell did he ever see in her? She's so not right for him, I don't know why he can't see it."

"Commitment," Mark shrugged. "After he finished his internship, he realized the next step was to start a family. It's what everyone wanted from him, so he started dating her after they met at some hospital charity function. They started dating, and she convinced him to join her uncle's practice. And then he settled."

"Settled," Meredith frowned. Derek didn't deserve to settle for anything, especially Tiffany and her pettiness.

Mark sighed as he downed the last of his drink. "I'm going to go see if he's okay," he said. "See you later, Big Grey."

"Bye, Mark," Meredith murmured. She stared down at her hands for a long moment before she shook her head and reached for her bag. After tossing some money onto the bar, she headed towards the door, knowing that she wouldn't be able to enjoy herself when she was alone and worried about what had just transpired.

She was unlocking her car when she saw a lone figure sitting under a streetlight on the sidewalk. She paused for a moment, wondering if she should interfere in a relationship that wasn't hers, then realized that she should at least make sure her friend didn't need a ride anywhere. Tentatively, she approached the bench and sat down on the other end, smiling slightly when its only other occupant turned to look at her.

"Are you okay?" Meredith asked softly.

"Not really," Tiffany sniffed slightly, wiping a tear off of her cheek. "Apparently my boyfriend thinks I'm some kind of selfish bitch that won't even support his choice of a job. I love that he's a doctor.

"He doesn't think you're a bitch," Meredith said softly. "He was just trying to make sure you're happy."

"By lying to me," Tiffany said. "I don't know why you're defending him. If Nathan did this… you would have already left him."

Meredith froze. Tiffany did have a point. "Okay, but…we're not talking about me," she said. "We're talking about you. And Derek, who loves you very much. You have to know that, so it's your decision now.

"He lied to me," Tiffany insisted, then stopped suddenly. "Wait a minute. You work at Seattle Grace."

Crap. Meredith had suddenly found herself in a trap that she hadn't even seen coming at all. "Yes," she stated.

"And you're a neurosurgery resident," Tiffany stated. "Which means you've been working with Derek for months and not said a word. You lied to me time after time. You're supposed to be my friend!"

"I didn't…it wasn't any of my business," Meredith said lamely. "I didn't want to interfere in your relationship."

"That doesn't matter," Tiffany cried, standing up and staring down at Meredith. "We're friends! You're supposed to tell me if you know that my boyfriend is lying to me! That's just common sense."

"It wasn't my place to tell you," Meredith insisted.

Tiffany sighed and returned to her seat on the bench. "Maybe not," she said. "But you should have at least encouraged him to tell me. I can't even believe he did this, it's so not like him. He's never lied to anyone."

"You're probably right," Meredith nodded. "But that's the past. What are you going to do? It's in your hands."

"I don't know," Tiffany whispered. "I really love him. More than I've ever loved anyone, but I don't know what that means without trust. I have things to figure out, but first I just need to calm down."

"Derek loves you too," Meredith said softly. "And the trust…he probably doesn't deserve to trust you right now. But he'll do anything to make sure that he gets that back. He's a good man."

Tiffany took a deep breath as she looked up at the sky. "You're right," she whispered. "I should go home and see if he's there."

"Don't leave him," Meredith said softly. "He doesn't…he doesn't deserve that kind of pain. And you leaving would make him be in a lot of pain. I don't think you want to see him in any pain."

"I know," Tiffany said softly, wiping her eyes with her fingertips. "Thank you. For talking to me."

"You're welcome," Meredith smiled, turning to stand. "And don't worry about work. I'll take care of Nathan."

"Thanks," Tiffany sniffed, offering Meredith a weak smile before she turned towards her own car.

Meredith sighed as she made her way back to the car. This was not a good day. All she really wanted to do was go home and sleep, but she knew that Nathan was going to be wondering where Tiffany was. Which meant that she had to go over to the firm and explain everything to him.

It wasn't a long drive, and parking was easy in the business complex where the law practice was located. She quickly made her way up to the second floor and smiled as she entered the office suite, seeing a crack of light peeking out from under the door to Nathan's office, which was partially open.

"It's about time you're back, I was getting…Mer," Nathan said, his eyes reflecting surprise and then concern as he realized that she was there. It wasn't often they visited each other at work. "What are you doing here?"

"Tiffany and Derek had a fight," Meredith replied, leaning in to kiss his cheek before she collapsed onto the small couch in the corner of his office. "She had to go after him, so I told her I'd come here and help you if you need it."

"Oh," Nathan sighed, running a hand over his face. "There's not much I can disclose about the case."

"Right," Meredith sighed. "Sorry, I knew that. I just…today was a long day, and I just wanted to see you, since you're probably not going to make it home until late, if you make it home at all."

"Probably not," Nathan sighed, moving to sit beside her on the couch, smiling softly at her. "But I'm glad you stopped by."

Meredith sighed as she leaned into him. "You don't lie to me, do you?" she whispered. "About important stuff?"

"What?" Nathan frowned. "Of course not, Mer. Why would you even think that? I'd never lie to you."

"I didn't," Meredith sighed. "I'm just…making sure."

"Does this have to do with Tiffany and Derek?" Nathan asked. "What happened between them? Why did they fight?"

Meredith was silent for a moment before she admitted, "Derek doesn't work in a medical practice."

"What?" Nathan asked, surprise written all over his face. "He's not a doctor? I thought Tiffany said she was at his med school graduation, but maybe it was some other kind of graduation… business?"

"He is," Meredith nodded. "At the hospital. He's the new head of neurosurgery, and has been since he moved here."

"At Grace?" Nathan asked. "You've been working with him and you didn't tell me? Or Tiffany?"

Meredith nodded slowly as she looked down at her hands. "Yeah," she said softly. "I know it was wrong, but he explained to me the reasons why he did that, and it wasn't really my place to be part of their relationship at that level."

"You're right," Nathan sighed, pulling her close and breathing her in deeply. "I'm so proud of you, Meredith."

"Why?" she giggled slightly. "For lying to you and Tiffany for months? Or for minding my own business?"

"No, I'm kind of annoyed about that, but I'm willing to overlook it," Nathan said. "I'm proud of you because of how much you've grown. When we first met, you were completely unstable and freaking out about your mom. But now you're here, and we have a healthy, strong relationship. And you know where your place is in other people's relationships, and respect that. You've grown so much."

"I guess you're right," Meredith whispered.

"I know I am," Nathan said, turning her face so they were eye to eye. "Meredith, you're becoming an amazing person and I am so glad that you're doing it with me. I'm a lucky man, because of you."

She smiled softly as she leaned in to kiss him. "Me too," she whispered. "I love you, Nathan. Thank you for putting up with me."

"I love you too," he murmured, kissing her deeper. "Now what do you say you help relieve some of my stress?"

She giggled as he shoved onto her back underneath him. "I think I can do that," she laughed, wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing him deeply, letting all other thoughts to slip away.

XXXXX

It was three hours later that she was finally pushing the door to her apartment open, sighing in relief that she was finally home. She was used to getting home at all hours of the night, but for some reason it felt harder in this moment than it had in a long time. She stumbled towards her bedroom, shedding her bag, coat, and shoes on the floor as she did so. Nathan was still working, which meant she could have the whole bed to herself, and she didn't even bother taking off her jeans or sweater as she did so.

She was about to fall into the throes of unconsciousness when she remembered that she had, in the midst of all the drama that had happened that night, forgotten to take her birth control. With a heavy sigh, she pulled herself up to her feet and slowly made her way towards the bathroom, reaching for her drawer to pull her medicine out, then realized that there were no longer any small plastic cups on the side of the sink.

With a roll of her eyes, she cupped the medicine in her hand and made her way to the kitchen, half asleep as she reached for a glass and filled it with water. The medicine was taken quickly, but as she rested the glass on the counter, a loud crash on the floor helped her realized that she wasn't quite as close to the counter as she had thought and she'd placed the glass in the middle of the air.

"Shit," she rolled her eyes. All she wanted to do was sleep, but apparently the universe had other plans for her tonight. She reached for a broom and quickly swept the broken glass into the trash, then opened the cabinet doors under the sink to search for some rags and cleaning spray to clean up the water.

Her mind was immediately distracted, however, when she saw a small white bag sitting in the corner of the cabinet. A small white bag with fancy gold lettering on the side, the kind of font that was usually written on the side of jewelry bags.

With shaking hands, Meredith reached for the bag, then pulled back. She knew what was in the bag. She knew that it contained her entire future, it told her that she was going to have to make a life changing decision in the near future. The very new future. She just wasn't sure she was ready to make this decision.

She just wasn't sure if she wanted to have that confirmed. She could close the cabinet right now, go to bed, and pretend that Nathan had bought her a very early Christmas present. Or she could reach for the bag, confirm her suspicions, and freak out until Nathan decided to do something with it.

Finally, she squeezed her eyes shut, grabbed the bag, and shoved her hand inside, her fingers finding a tiny velvet box. The kind that they sold rings in. She turned it over in her hands for a moment, looking at the black velvet and the small gold strip that lined the opening. This was a bad idea. A very bad idea. But finally she inhaled sharply, held her breath, and cracked the box open.

She was met with a very large diamond, framed by two rubies, all set together on a gold band. She tried not to wince as she looked at it, knowing that the stone had to be at least three carots. She wasn't a big jewelry fan, and she knew immediately that she would hate having to wear this ring. She didn't know how she was going to tell Nathan that, but right now she didn't need to worry about that. She had to worry about the fact that she wasn't even sure that she wanted to marry the man that she was living with.

But before she even worried about that, she needed to get the ring back to where it had been before Nathan saw her. His key was turning in the lock, and she quickly snapped the box shut and reached for the bag, scrambling to get everything back to its original resting place before Nathan found her.

"Meredith?" he called from the living room, meaning that he was coming closer. Crap. She needed to move faster.

"Um…I'll be out in a second!" she called as she quickly pushed the ring back into its bag and scrambled for the cabinet.

"What are you…" Nathan's voice trailed off as he appeared in the door of the kitchen, his eyes settling on her figure, kneeling on the kitchen floor with the jewelry bag in her hands. "Oh," he said softly.

"Yeah, oh," Meredith whispered. "I'm guessing that you're not willing to forget the fact that this ever happened?"

Nathan sighed as he stepped closer and surprised her by sitting down beside her on the floor. "I thought it was safe hidden there," he said, reaching for the bag. "I don't think I've ever seen you clean."

"I clean," she rolled her eyes. "I spilled water, and I needed more paper towels. That's when I found it."

Nathan nodded slowly, reaching for the box. "I was going to propose this weekend," he whispered. "But I guess there's been a change in plans. So…I suppose now's as good a time as any."

"Nathan," Meredith shook her head. "I…don't propose now. I don't want it to happen now, I'm not ready."

"What?" he frowned, confusion and pain taking over his face. "Why not? Don't you want me to?"

Meredith searched her brain for some kind of response that would be better than telling him she didn't know what she would say. "I…I don't want to ruin your plans," she said. "I'm sure you had something special prepared, and I don't want to ruin that. So wait. Please? We're both exhausted, and the kitchen's a mess. It's not the right time, so please just wait until the weekend?"

An unlikely combination of relief and apprehension flooded Nathan's face, and he nodded slowly. "Okay," he said. "It's going to be so much harder to do now that you're expecting me to do it."

Meredith's heart swelled slightly at his somewhat terrified demeanor. He sounded like a little boy who'd come into the ER and had to get his head looked at. _"Is it going to hurt, Dr. Grey? I'll try to be brave…"_

"I won't say another word about it," she promised, leaning in to kiss him softly before she stood and made her way towards the door. "Let's go to bed, and we can forget this ever happened. I'll act surprised."

Nathan nodded slowly. "I'll be there in just a second," he promised. "Just…give me a minute, okay?"

Meredith let out a deep breath as she collapsed into bed for the second time that night. She knew she was going to have to put her mind into overdrive for the remainder of the week, trying to figure out what she wanted to say when he actually did propose. Because she really didn't know if she wanted to marry him.

And somewhere in the back of her head, she knew that if she had to think about what she was going to say, then she probably already had her answer. She just wondered what that meant for her future and the feelings she did still have for Nathan. Sleep definitely wasn't going to come to her now, and in the darkness of her bedroom, she briefly allowed her thoughts to wander to Derek, wondering what he was doing and what she would have said if she had found a ring from him hidden in her kitchen.


	6. Chapter 6

Trying to suppress a sigh of frustration, Derek pushed the door to his office open and collapsed on the small couch across the room. It had been a long day, from the interns that had needed hand holding all day, a bus crash in the pit, and a patient whose brain tumor had killed him before Derek could get into the OR. Add all that together with the fact that his personal life was a complete mess, and he was about ready to collapse without caring that he was still on duty.

He'd returned to his apartment after his fight with Tiffany the night before to find her already there. She'd told him that while she couldn't forgive him for what he'd done, she would try to trust him again. And that was all he could hope for in that moment. He'd been so relieved to hear that she wanted to continue their relationship that nothing could have brought him down the night before. But now reality was starting to set in, and he wasn't sure he liked what he saw.

Especially since there was a very large stack of paperwork sitting on his desk, paperwork he did not want to do at all. But his patient had died and that meant that at least a little paperwork was necessary; he might as well catch up on the week and a half's worth of it while he had a free moment.

He had dragged himself over to his desk and had been working for only about ten minutes when there was a knock on his partially opened door. "Richard," he smiled, glad to have a distraction from his paperwork. "What's up?"

"I have good news and bad news," Richard said, perching himself on the edge of Derek's desk. "Which do you want first?"

Derek felt his heart sink at the words. He wasn't sure that he could handle much more stress in his life right now. "The good," he sighed, running a hand through his hair.

"You don't have to be on call tonight anymore," Richard said.

"Really?" Derek asked. There wasn't very much bad news that could make that fact seem less exciting than it was.

"Because you'll be in LA," Richard continued.

"LA?" Derek frowned. "Why the hell will I be in LA?"

"There's a conference about possible cures for inoperable tumors in the cerebral cortex," Richard stated. "I need you to go."

"Why?" the words spilled out of his mouth before he even processed it.

"Because you're my head of neurosurgery and you go to conferences when I tell you to," Richard said, dropping a file folder on Derek's desk. "It's all there…conference information, flight details, the name of the hotel. You leave Friday morning on a 7:30 flight."

"Friday morning," Derek repeated. Tiffany was not going to be happy that he was going to be gone all weekend. "Fine."

"Good," Richard nodded. "I'll inform Dr. Grey as well, but feel free to tell her if you see her first."

"Dr. Grey?" Derek frowned. "Why is she going?"

"Because she is the best neurological resident we have," Richard replied. "And I'm getting tired of you asking my why I'm doing things the way I am."

Derek rolled his eyes. "Sorry," he said without a hint of remorse in his tone. "But I can go by myself and tell my surgeons the important information."

"You will report back," Richard agreed. "But Meredith is the future of this hospital. She needs to start networking and associating her name with the hospital. And it will benefit her to go on her first conference with someone who has been to them before so she can know what to expect when she has to go on her own."

"Okay," Derek sighed. That did make sense.

"I thought you and Grey were friends," Richard stating, failing miserably to keep the curiosity out of his eyes. He obviously paid more attention to the rumors that flew throughout the hospital than he would admit.

"We are," Derek sighed, running a hand through his hair. "I just…have a lot on my mind right now and I'm not what's going through my head."

"Oh," Richard nodded slowly. "Well, maybe some time away will help you get perspective." And then he was gone.

Perspective. Derek considered the word for a moment as he slowly turned back to his paperwork. The thought of getting away from Seattle for a couple days did sound somewhat appealing. Maybe it would be good for him and Tiffany to spend those few days apart and figure out exactly what they wanted from their relationship. Plus, he'd never been to LA so it would be interesting to see what all the fuss was about.

He nodded as he reached for his pen again. Perspective. That's what he needed, and that's what he would get. When he went to LA for a weekend. With Meredith.

Tiffany was going to kill him.

"Derek?"

He looked up and felt relief wash over his body when he saw Meredith standing in the doorway, looking strangely unsure of whether she should come in or not. "Hey Mer," he smiled. "Come in."

"Thanks," she sighed, stepping into the room and starting to close the door. She apparently then changed her mind and shook her head, leaving the door wide open before she turned back to sit on his couch, pulling her feet in front of her and wrapping her arms around her legs.

"Are you okay?" Derek frowned. She was quiet, which definitely wasn't like her, but there was something else, something about her protective posture and general demeanor that made him think that something bad had happened.

"Yeah," she sighed. "I just…today's my last day off before the weekend."

Derek nodded slowly. "So you have three days off in a row," he said. "I see why you're upset. No one wants to have three days off in a row."

"It's not that," Meredith sighed, hugging her legs closer.

"Do you not want to go to the conference?" Derek asked.

Meredith's head snapped up to meet his. "Conference?" she frowned. "What conference?"

"I thought Richard would have talked to you already," Derek said. "Richard is sending me to a conference about inoperable brain tumors. He wants you to go too."

"He does?" Meredith frowned. "Why?"

"Exactly my question," Derek laughed slightly. "Apparently you're the next me. Richard says that you're the best neuro resident we have."

"I am so going to be better than you," Meredith smiled slightly, and he was glad to see her old self come back to the surface, even just for a moment.

"Good luck," he offered with a small smile. "But yes, we leave tomorrow morning first thing. We'll get back Sunday night."

"Okay," Meredith nodded slowly. "I um…well, that's good. It'll be fun."

Derek frowned. "Are you sure you're okay?" he asked.

"Yeah," she shook her head. "Just…Nathan and I had a talk last night and I don't know what's going to come of it. We were going to do some stuff this weekend and I don't think he's going to be too happy that I have to go out of town."

"Well, I'm sure Richard will understand if you can't…"

"No!" Meredith said quickly, almost too quickly. "I mean, this is my job. I want to go, conferences are part of my job. He needs to realize that, and if he can't, then we won't…" her voice trailed off and she shook her head before she turned back to him. "Never mind."

"Mer, you know you can talk to me," Derek said, leaning forward in his desk. "You were my confidant for months, maybe now it's time I returned the favor."

"It's nothing," Meredith shook her head. "I don't even know where my head is, so I would have no idea how to explain it to you. But thanks."

"Okay," Derek said slowly. "I don't really know what's going on with you, but I do know one thing. I'm looking forward to getting away from this whole situation and gaining some perspective on my relationship with Tiffany. Maybe you should do the same about your relationship with Nathan."

At the sound of Tiffany's name, Meredith's posture immediately changed. She dropped her legs to the floor and straightened her back, her eyes growing wide and concerned. "I'm so sorry, I forgot to even ask what happened with Tiffany," she said. "Are you okay? Do you need a place to stay? What happened?"

"Nothing like that," Derek shook his head. "She's not kicking me out. She said she still loves me, but she can't trust me right now. Which is totally understandable, but I guess I just have to do everything in my power to get that trust back."

"You will, Derek," Meredith said softly. "You're a good man, and you love her. I know you'll do anything to make sure that she's happy."

"I will," Derek nodded. "And from what I understand, the fact that I even have a chance is because of you. I can't believe you talked her into that."

Meredith shrugged as she pulled at the hem of her lab coat. "It's the truth," she said. "And you made a mistake, yes. But you don't deserve to be completely abandoned for it. You love her, she should recognize that and try to forgive you instead of just giving up."

"I am so glad to have you on my side," Derek smiled. "And this weekend, I'm buying you dinner."

"Derek," she rolled her eyes. "I don't need you to buy me dinner."

"I know you don't," Derek nodded. "But I want to. And I know for a fact that you never turn down Italian."

Before Meredith could respond, a new presence stepped into the room, and they both turned to see Tiffany standing awkwardly in the doorway. Derek was surprised to see her for one long moment, but then he was out of his seat and moving to greet her.

"What are you doing here?" He asked, pressing a kiss to her forehead and then reaching for her hand. "Not that I'm not thrilled to see you, but…I thought you would be working."

"I left early," Tiffany shrugged. "I figured it was time to see the hospital. This office is…nice. Very quaint."

"Yeah," Derek sighed, running a hand through his hair and trying to ignore the look of disgust Meredith had on her face. "I like it."

"Hi Meredith," Tiffany said with a smile.

"Hi," Meredith sighed, looking down at her silent pager. "Oh, I have to take this. There's a um…thing. In the pit. So I should go. But I'll see you tomorrow."

"See you then," Derek said, stepping out of the way so she could get through the door. There was definitely something going on in her head, but he had all weekend to get it out of her. And he would, because he didn't think he could handle her like this all weekend.

"So no huge life saving surgeries today?" Tiffany asked, settling into the couch.

"No," Derek sighed, sitting down beside her. "Lost one this morning."

"Oh, Derek, I'm sorry," she whispered, reaching for his hand. "I can't imagine how hard that must be."

"I can't…it's still hard," Derek sighed. "I've saved more patients than I've killed, but I still just can never get used to the fact that someone died when I was supposed to be saving them."

"I'm glad you're upset," Tiffany said softly.

Derek rolled his eyes. "I guess that's what I get for being an ass," he said.

"No, really," Tiffany replied. "If you weren't upset, that would mean that you didn't care. And your compassion is one of the things that drew me to you in the first place. I'm glad you haven't lost that."

Derek smiled softly at her. "I love you, you know that?" he whispered.

"Yeah," she said softly, looking down at her hands. "I do."

The air in the room had changed, and he instinctively knew that she wasn't ready to repeat those words back to him yet. "Sorry," he offered.

"Don't be sorry," she said softly. "Maybe tomorrow or Saturday we could go out to dinner? Talk things over and see where we want to go from here?"

"Oh," Derek cleared his throat. "Actually, I um…I have to go to LA this weekend."

"LA?" Tiffany frowned, pulling away from him. "For what?"

"A medical conference about inoperable tumors," Derek sighed. "My hands are tied, Tiff, there's nothing I could do about it."

"This is why I wanted you to keep your own practice," Tiffany sighed. "None of this shit."

"It's not shit," Derek said. "And maybe it will be good for us to have some time apart. Think about what happened and where we want our future to go. When I get back we can really talk things over."

Tiffany's eyes narrowed. "Meredith said she would see you tomorrow," she commented. "What the hell does that mean?"

"It means she's going to the conference too," Derek said. "Come on, Tiff, it's really not a big deal."

"Except I don't know if you're telling me the truth," Tiffany insisted. "How do I know that you're not making this conference thing up as an excuse to go to LA and fuck Meredith?"

Derek had not seen that coming for the life of him. "Excuse me?" he asked.

"I see the way she looks at you, Derek," Tiffany said. "And the way she was talking about you last night, you would have thought you were the eighth world wonder."

"She has a boyfriend!" Derek replied. "A boyfriend that we are good friends with."

"And that doesn't mean anything," Tiffany said, crossing her arms over her chest. "Are you sleeping with Meredith?"

"No!" Derek insisted. He knew he should be angry that she was even accusing him of it, but he hadn't given her much reason to trust him lately. "You can ask Dr. Webber. He has all the information about the conference. We're going for strictly professional reasons."

Tiffany hadn't seemed to hear anything he had to say. "Do you want to sleep with her?" she demanded.

Derek blinked in surprise, suddenly aware of the fact that he had no idea how to respond.

XXXXX

"What the hell do you mean you're going away for the weekend?" Nathan demanded, slamming his beer down on the coffee table.

"It's for work," Meredith said, hanging her coat up on the rack beside the door. "I don't really have a choice."

"Bullshit," Nathan said. "Meredith, I'm going to propose this weekend. And you knew that. You could have said something."

"Nathan, it's not a big deal," Meredith shrugged. "We'll do the thing next weekend. I promise."

Nathan stared at her for a moment, and she felt strangely interrogated by his gaze. She avoided eye contact with him until he finally spoke, causing her eyes to snap up to meet his. "You don't want me to propose."

"That's not it," she said immediately.

"Of course it is," Nathan shook his head. "You asked me not to propose last night, which I understand because we were sitting on the floor in the kitchen. But what about this weekend? I had it planned out perfectly and now I'm going to have to do it again because suddenly you have to go to this conference in LA. There will be other conferences, Meredith."

"But this is a huge deal," Meredith insisted. "I'm just starting to get my name out there, establish myself as a surgeon. I need this chance to network, to learn more about this clinical trials if I want to become the best surgeon I can."

"So that's more important to you than getting engaged," Nathan said.

Meredith sighed as she dropped onto the couch beside him and propped her feet up on the table. She didn't have the energy to do this right now, but she also knew that Nathan wasn't going to give up. "I'm freaking out," she finally admitted.

"About what?" Nathan frowned, settling down on the couch beside her.

"Getting married," Meredith said. "I love you, Nathan, I do. But I'm just not sure if I'm ready for the whole marriage thing yet."

"It's the next step," Nathan insisted. "That's what people who live together do."

"Right," Meredith said. "But I think most of the time both people are ready for that step."

"And you're not?" Nathan asked.

"Not yet," Meredith said. "I just…I need a couple days to think, okay? Get some perspective, figure out exactly where my head is."

Nathan nodded slowly. "I guess I understand that," he sighed. "And if the conference is boring, you can always hit the spa to relax."

"Oh, Derek already said we're going to go sightseeing," Meredith nodded, unaware of exactly what she had said until she'd said it.

"Derek's going?" Nathan asked evenly. "You're going away with Derek for the weekend?"

"Not with him," Meredith insisted. "We'll just…both be there. But not…together." She knew her argument was weak, and from the look on Nathan's face, he was not happy.

"So how do I know that there really is a conference?" Nathan demanded, unaware that Tiffany still had the same question lingering in the back of her head.

"Excuse me?" Meredith frowned, raising her eyebrows at him.

"How do I know that this conference thing isn't some kind of story the two of you cooked up so you could go away together?" Nathan demanded.

"You think I'm sleeping with Derek?" Meredith exclaimed. "Why the hell would you think that?"

"Don't play games with me," Nathan insisted. "I know that the two of you are always walking around the hospital together, and you always seem to show up to our double dates together. I'm not stupid, Meredith."

"Obviously you are, because there is nothing going on between Derek and I!" Meredith cried. "And I have never given you any reason not to trust me. I can't believe that you think I would do that to you."

"Well then how come you're always together?" Nathan demanded.

"He's my friend!" Meredith insisted. "And my boss. If you can't understand that…then you're the one with the problem, not me."

Nathan was silent for a long moment before he shook his head. "Maybe you're right," he said softly. "Maybe this weekend will be good to get some perspective and thin about our relationship."

"And then when I get back we'll talk," Meredith said softly, although she was pretty nervous about what that talk would actually consist of.

"Good," Nathan said before he stood and turned to the kitchen, obviously seeking more beer.

And Meredith was left in the living room, suddenly nervous about what exactly would happen on her weekend in LA with Derek Shepherd.


	7. Chapter 7

She was going to miss her plane. She'd slept in this morning, and was consequently running through the airport, hoping with everything inside of her that she would not miss this plane. Not so much because she was anxious to go to the conference, but more that she wanted to get away from Seattle. Her fight with Nathan had left her weary of even being in the same room as him, and she knew that she had some serious thinking to do. So this trip to LA couldn't have come at a better time, even if it was for work. She was getting out of Seattle and away from her life, giving her the time she needed to process things.

That is, if she made the plane.

She reached the gate just as they were calling the last few rows to board. After breathlessly handing her boarding pass to the gate attendant, she hurried down the runway and into the business class section where she spotted her empty seat beside a very familiar and strangely comforting head full of dark wavy hair.

"Hey," she sighed, kicking her shoulder bag under the seat in front of her as she settled down beside him.

"Hi," he replied, turning to her with a smile. "I was just wondering if you were going to make it."

"My stupid alarm didn't go off," she sighed. "And it's just…well, I have a lot on my mind."

Derek nodded slowly as he examined her carefully. "Me too," he finally said. "But I'm glad you made it. I have a feeling I'm going to enjoy this a lot more with you there."

She giggled slightly. "I can make anything fun," she said confidently.

For some reason, Derek didn't smile but rather cleared his throat and shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "Right," he coughed slightly.

"You okay?" she asked.

"Yeah," he shook his head slightly. "I just…Well, I had a fight with Tiffany last night, and I'm not really a huge fan of flying, so when you combine the two I'm kind of in a mood."

"Oh," Meredith nodded slightly. She was silent for a moment, trying to figure out a way to distract him from whatever was going on in his head. She wanted to know what was going on with Tiffany and if she asked he would probably tell her. But that would probably mean that he would still be upset, and she didn't want him to be upset. So she had to find something else to help him get over his fight with her and his apparent fear of flying.

"Nathan was going to propose this weekend."

Derek coughed slightly as he lowered his water bottle from his mouth, turning to look at her with wide eyes. "Excuse me?" he asked.

"That's why I was acting weird," Meredith supplied. "The other night, after your fight with Tiffany, I came home and found a ring hidden in the kitchen. He was going to propose. And we had a huge fight last night because he said I don't care about our relationship. He said that if I did, I would have told Webber that I couldn't go on the conference when I knew that he was planning something."

"Oh Mer," Derek breathed, automatically reaching for her hand. She let him take it easily, smiling at the roughness that met her own soft hands as he offered her a reassuring squeeze. "That's not true."

"Maybe it is," Meredith whispered. "Because when I found out that he was going to propose, I realized that I had no idea what I would say."

She was so distracted by her own inner ramblings that she missed the soft breath of relief that escaped Derek's lips.

"So how did you leave it?" he asked softly.

"We're taking the weekend to think," Meredith said. "We love each other, I don't think either one of us wants to break up. But he wants to get married and I don't, so we need to think things over by ourselves."

"That sounds…remarkably familiar," Derek said. "Without the marriage part, though. But Tiffany and I are working on the exact same thing."

"Why do relationships have to be so complicated?" Meredith asked. "I've worked so hard to overcome what my mom taught me, to be a good surgeon and have a life. But I thought it was supposed to be easy. I thought if you found the right person, you shouldn't need to take time to step back and think about things."

Derek was silent for a moment before he said softly, "Maybe it's not that you've found the right person. Maybe it's that you've tricked yourself into thinking you have."

Meredith stared at him for a long moment, trying to figure out whether he was talking about her or himself. For the life of her, she had no idea, but she wasn't sure that she wanted to know. All she knew in that moment was that she was losing herself in his deep blue eyes, feeling more vulnerable than she ever had before. He seemed to be seeing into her very soul, and while she would have been uncomfortable with most men reading her that closely, she felt inexplicably… safe with Derek peering into the window of her soul.

His grip tightened on her hand and his face edged closer to hers. She realized what was about to happen, and her heart began to pound in her chest, knowing that she should stop him but not wanting to. Instead she squeezed his hand back and tilted her face towards him, closing her eyes in anticipation of his lips to meet hers. She could feel his hot breath against her face, and just when she thought her heart was going to burst out of her chest with anticipation, the engines began to roar loudly beneath them, causing them both to jump back, into their respective seats and away from each other. Derek dropped her hand like it was burning him and turned to look out the window, not meeting her disappointed and confused gaze.

She could feel her hands shaking as she reached for the seat pocket in front of her, pulling out some random gossip magazine abandoned by her seat's previous occupant. She flipped through it, pretending to be interested in which celebrity was dating another celebrity, but her mind was really on the man beside her. The man she had spent the past few months with almost every day but remained mostly a mystery to her. The man who seemed to understand her even if she couldn't articulate what she wanted to say. The man who had nearly just kissed her.

The man she wanted to kiss her.

She swallowed hard as she turned to look at him carefully. He seemed confused and sad as he stared out the window, over the disappearing Seattle skyline and the blue water that seemed to stretch out for an eternity. She wanted desperately to reach out and comfort him, but she didn't trust her own shaky hands. She wasn't sure what was happening to her, but she was starting to think that maybe Nathan knew her better than she knew herself. Because he had known that she wanted Derek Shepherd before she had known herself.

XXXXX

"Do you want to get the car while I wait for the bags?" Derek asked a couple hours later when they had finally gotten off of the plane.

"Sure," Meredith sighed, reaching into her shoulder bag to confirm that she had the rental car information Richard had e-mailed her the day before. "I'll pull it around to the pick up area."

"Sounds good," Derek nodded, pausing when they reached the still stationary suitcase carousel. "Mer…"

She looked up at him expectantly, hoping that he would say something, anything, about what had happened on the plane. But instead he just shook his head and murmured something she couldn't really understand. With a deep breath, she turned back to the signs that would lead her to the rental car desk. This was going to be one long trip, of that she was certain.

"This is your bag, right?" Derek asked forty five minutes later as he pointed to a small black suitcase, perched beside a slightly larger brown one.

"Yes," she smirked. "And I assume all the extra room in your suitcase is taken up by hair products, Dr. Shepherd?"

"Shut up," he rolled his eyes as he lifted his bag into the trunk.

She giggled as she followed suit with her own bag. "You know, it's a little sad that a girl packs lighter than you," she teased. "Maybe you should think about that."

"It's the only suitcase I had," Derek replied, moving to the passenger side of the car and letting her resume her seat in the driver's seat. "And I am your boss on this trip remember."

"Right," Meredith cleared her throat. "Sorry, Dr. Shepherd."

"Don't call me that," Derek frowned. "It's strange coming from you."

"But you're my boss, Dr. Shepherd," she said as she moved into the congested freeway of LA. "It would be inappropriate for me to use your first name."

"Meredith," he groaned.

"I would prefer that you call me Dr. Grey."

"Stop it."

"I'm sorry, Dr. Shepherd."

"I don't know why I put up with you."

Meredith giggled, momentarily finishing her teasing to glance over at him. "Your life would be so boring without me," she informed him.

"You're certainly right about that," Derek sighed, leaning back into his seat.

"Seriously though," Meredith said. "What should I expect from this thing?"

"There will be a welcome dinner tonight," Derek said. "Nothing too interesting, mostly just mingling. Breakfast tomorrow morning, and then the presentations will be throughout the day. We might be able to choose from a couple different talks, and then we're on our own for dinner tomorrow. Another brunch Sunday morning and then it looks like they're going to have some time for questions and a meet and greet type thing in the afternoon. Mostly just kissing ass."

"Well you'll be good at that part."

"You're mean today."

"Sorry, just getting it out of my system," Meredith said, pulling off of the freeway and into the parking lot of a hotel. 'Well, this is it I guess."

"Looks like it," Derek sighed, taking note of all the people moving around the lobby. "Let's go check in."

Meredith parked the car and they pulled their bags from the trunk before moving inside, where a large banner welcomed them. A temporary check in table was set up in the corner of the lobby for the conference, and they made their way towards it, fortunate enough to not have to wait in line for more than five minutes.

"Meredith Grey, Seattle Grace," she offered the check in attendant her hospital ID tag after Derek had received the keys to his room.

"Grey," the clerk frowned as she typed into her computer. "I don't have a registration for you."

"Excuse me?" Meredith frowned.

"Perhaps it's under your hospital," the clerk suggested. "You said you were from Seattle Grace?"

"Yes, contact Richard Webber." The world hated her. She was entirely sure of it.

"I'm sorry, Dr. Grey, it seems as though Dr. Webber only reserved one room for Dr. Shepherd," the clerk frowned apologetically.

"I'm not registered for the conference at all?" Meredith asked. "That's impossible, he gave me all of the information yesterday, told me it was all taken care of."

"Well, I apologize for the confusion," the clerk sighed, typing quickly into her computer. "I will be able to get you access to the presentations, but unfortunately all the rooms have been booked."

"So where am I supposed to sleep?" Meredith demanded.

"There are several hotels downtown," the clerk began.

"Downtown is half an hour away," Meredith said. "How could there not be one single room for me?"

"I'm sorry for the confusion, and I will offer you a gift voucher for any of our hotels across the country…"

"Well, that's not going to do me much good right now, is it?" Meredith snapped.

"Meredith," Derek murmured from beside her, and she froze, not having realized his presence behind her. He placed a gentle hand on her shoulder and she felt strangely comforted, her body relaxing under his touch. "Calm down."

"Where am I supposed to sleep?" she asked, turning to look at him.

"Please make an extra copy of my key for Dr. Grey," he addressed the clerk before turning back to her. "I've got two beds in my room. It might be a little awkward, but…it's better than you staying all the way across town."

Her mind was screaming at her that this was a bad idea, that there was no way she could share a room with Derek for two nights. The way her face flushed and her body heated every time he looked at her…she wasn't sure that she would be able to control herself with him sleeping a mere few feet away from him. Her head knew that this was a bad idea, but she didn't care. All she cared about was the concern in his eyes and the soft smile he was giving her. "Okay," she said simply. "Thank you."

"I owe you, remember?" he smiled before he turned to take the extra key from the clerk. "Thank you."

The elevator ride to their floor was silent, and he led her down the hall to their room, slipping the key into the lock and gesturing for her to go in first. The room was standard, with nothing too different than any other hotel room. To her left was the bathroom, to her right a small closet with a few hangers and a suitcase rack. Two double beds sat side by side, facing a TV and dresser. There was a small table beside the balcony doors which boasted a welcome package from the doctors that were hosting the conference. Meredith swallowed hard as she stared at the ceiling, knowing that it was going to be a long weekend in such tight quarters with Derek.

"Well," he cleared his throat as he stood beside her, obviously not sure what to do next. "Um…which bed do you want?"

"I'll take the right," she said, swinging her suitcase onto the bed as if to stake her claim.

"Okay," Derek nodded. He turned to the suitcase rack and unzipped his bag, reaching for hangers to hang his clothes. She rolled her eyes after watching him for a moment. Of course he would be the one to hang his clothes for two days. She, however, saw no point in unpacking her suitcase when she would just have to repack in less than forty eight hours. She'd just pull things out as she needed them.

"Dinner's at 7:30," she announced as she read through the schedule of events. "Cocktails start at 7."

"So we have a good…seven hours to kill," Derek sighed, looking down at his watch. "What do you want to do?"

"I want to sleep," she replied. "I barely did last night. Is it okay if I sleep for an hour or so and then we go out sightseeing?"

"Sounds perfect," Derek nodded. "I think I'll go down to the gym so I don't bother you."

"Okay," Meredith said. She waited for him to find his clothes and retreat into the bathroom before she slid into her bed fully dressed. She wasn't sure she wanted to take the chance of him coming into the room while she was changing. Her head hit the pillow quickly, and she was practically asleep before her eyes even closed, exhausted from the emotions building within her and the anticipation of what was to come this weekend.

She wasn't sure how long it was before she once again joined the land of the conscious. It took her a moment to remember where she was, her sleep clogged brain wondering why she wasn't at home or in an on call room. But it only took three blinks to remember her whirlwind of a morning and she turned to look at the bright red numbers illuminated by the bedside table. 1:30. She looked around the room for any signs of Derek and didn't see any, then listened for the shower, only to be met with silence. He must have still been at the gym. With the sleepy realization that she needed to use the bathroom, she stumbled out of bed and moved towards the door, wondering why in the world he would have closed the door when no one was in there.

She pushed the door open and was halfway to the toilet before she realized that standing in the middle of the bathroom was a very surprised, very naked Derek, a towel raised halfway to his head in preparation to dry his messy wet hair. He must have turned the water off mere seconds before she woke up.

She knew she should turn around and leave. It was what would save them both some serious embarrassment and awkwardness around each other, but she couldn't bring herself to tear her eyes away from the beautiful man before her, who was evidently too surprised to even try to cover himself. She took advantage of that moment to really admire what Derek Shepherd looked like. His arms were toned, the muscles hard and defined but not bulging. His chest and stomach were flat, evidence of the work outs she knew he did several times a week. His legs were lean and strong, and the reflection in the mirror revealed a very nice backside. Her eyes even landed on a certain part of his anatomy and lingered for a moment too long, her body heating as she wondered what it would be like to feel him inside of her.

"I…sorry," she finally stammered, backing out of the bathroom. "I'm…I thought you were… sorry."

"It's okay," Derek said, finally moving to wrap the towel around his waist. "I should have… locked the door."

"Um, okay, I'm just going to…die of embarrassment now," Meredith said, stealing one last look at his sculpted chest before she turned and fled back into the bedroom.

It was only about five minutes before he came back out, dressed in jeans and a blue button down, still hanging open to reveal the dark hair of his chest. He was still toweling his hair dry and she smiled at the sight. When his hair was wet and without product, messy from the towel, he looked almost like a little boy. She knew that only he could look like a kid and be sexy at the same time, and she swallowed hard as she avoided his eyes.

"Mer, don't be upset," he said, sitting down on his bed across from her. "It's okay, really."

"I'm just embarrassed," she said softly.

"Well, out of the two of us I'm the one who should be embarrassed," Derek replied. "And I'm not. So you shouldn't be either."

"I guess not," she said softly. "I just…wasn't expecting…that."

Derek smirked slightly. "Didn't think I was that hot, did you?"

Meredith's face flushed fiercely and she didn't answer his question as she looked down at her hands. She tried to think of something to say, but after a long moment of awkward silence, Derek stood and dropped his towel on the bed. "Give me ten minutes and then we'll go see the town," he said. "My treat."

"Okay," Meredith whispered. "Derek, I really am sorry."

He offered her a wide smile as he reached for a pair of socks. "For what?" he asked, obviously determined to forget that it had ever happened. And she was grateful for that. "I'll be right back," he promised.

Meredith let out a loud breath as she fell back against the pillows, suddenly hating Tiffany more than she had even half an hour ago. Because Derek Shepherd was a man, more attractive than any other man she had ever met, including Nathan. And she wasn't allowed to even think the thoughts running through her head right now, but she didn't know how to stop them. She was a bad person, a horrible person, but she could not stop imagining Derek on top of her, thrusting into her, his hands running along her naked curves as she ran her fingers through his hair that was already messy from sex. His movements were hard and fast, causing her body to writhe and tighten beneath him, his fingers reaching to the place where they were connected to…

"Ready to go?"

Meredith practically moaned at the sound of her voice, trying to imagine anything besides her and Derek naked together. The last thing she needed was to be constantly turned on all weekend, but at this point she wasn't sure she had much of a choice. "Sure," she sighed, reaching for her shoulder bag with a dejected sigh.

"You okay?" he frowned as they walked down the hall to the elevator. "You look flushed."

"I'm fine," she nodded, pressing the elevator button three more times. "These stupid things are so slow."

Derek laughed as the doors finally slid open and they stepped inside the car with two other men inside.

"Derek Shepherd?"

They both turned in surprise at the sound of his name coming from one of the other occupants, and Derek's confused from turned to a wide smile as he turned to offer his hand to an older man behind him. "Dr. Bishop," he smiled warmly. "It's so good to see you again."

"You too, Derek, you too," he smiled. "I hear that you're now healing brains on the west coast."

"That I am," Derek nodded. "Richard Webber is my chief of surgery at Seattle Grace."

"Good hospital," Dr. Bishop nodded. "I'm glad to see you so successful."

"Thanks," Derek smiled. "What are you doing here? I thought you retired."

"Oh, Derek, doctors can try to retire, but it never happens," Dr. Bishop waved a hand in dismissal. "The first time I retired, I became a professor, as you know. Then I retired from that and got bored, so now I am organizing medical conferences across the country."

"So this whole conference was arranged by you?" Derek asked.

"Me and the rest of the board, yes," Dr. Bishop nodded, sighing slightly. "Although things are not going as planned."

"What's wrong?" Derek asked.

"Well, there has been a major blizzard in Virginia, where our key note speaker is coming from," Dr. Bishop sighed. "He won't be able to be here until Monday morning, at the earliest."

"So the conference is canceled?" Derek asked, and a shock of disappointment rush through her. She did not want to go back to Seattle yet.

"No, we are still having the conference," Dr. Bishop replied. "It now will begin Sunday night and go through Tuesday."

"But we're already here."

"Then I suggest you enjoy an all expenses paid trip to LA," Dr. Bishop smiled as the doors slid open. "Good to see you again, Derek."

"You too," he murmured before he turned to Meredith with a small smile. "I guess we're on our own."

Meredith felt a shiver run through her body, and she prayed to whatever gods were listening that she could keep control over herself for the next few days. She really had done nothing wrong to deserve this kind of sweet torture.


	8. Chapter 8

"So how do you know Dr. what's his name?" Meredith asked later that night, lifting her glass of wine to her lips as she looked at Derek from across the table.

They had spent the day touring LA, starting at the studios and working their way to the famous handprints in the sidewalk, where they had taken great joy in making fun of all the other tourists. When Meredith's stomach had begun to rumble, they had wandered to the nearest restaurant, which was fortunately a fairly casual Italian place that served everything from personal pizzas to large pasta dishes. After ordering a bottle of wine and their respective dinners, they had settled into a comfortable conversation, carefully avoiding any talk of either of their significant others or life in Seattle.

"He was my first neuro professor," Derek said, sipping at his own wine. "Convinced me that was the way to go."

"Hmmm," Meredith nodded. "Sounds interesting."

"It's not, really," Derek sighed, reaching for the bottle of wine in the chiller beside the table. "More wine?"

"Please," Meredith sighed, holding out her glass and watching as he filled it. "Derek?"

"Hmmm?"

"How long have you been with Tiffany?"

Derek's hands froze as he reached to pour the wine into his own glass, and he then cleared his throat. "About two and a half years," he said. "Why?"

"I just…Nathan and I have been together longer than that, and now he's planning to propose," Meredith said softly. "But I don't know if I want to marry him. I can't say this to anyone besides you, but I need to say it. I feel things sometimes. For other men, even though I'm with Nathan, and if we're going to get married, I don't think I should be thinking about other men and wondering what it would be like to be with them instead of my husband."

Derek played with his own wine glass for a long moment before he nodded slowly. "I know what you mean," he finally said.

"You do?" she whispered, her eyes meeting his, full of hope.

"Yeah," he said. "I love Tiffany, I know I do. But she wants me to propose soon, she's made that much obvious. But besides the fact that my family doesn't think she's right, there's something else, something that I can't place but it's telling me not to marry her. So I avoid the subject completely."

"Wow," Meredith sighed. "We're even more alike than I thought."

Derek nodded as he tipped his head back to finish his glass of wine, then frowned as he reached for the bottle that sat in the chiller beside their table. It was much too light. "Wine's gone," he announced.

Meredith frowned as she downed the last of her glass. "Already?" she asked.

He nodded slowly. He wasn't drunk yet, but he was starting to feel the slight buzz of intoxication. Wine always got him drunk faster than any other kind of alcohol. "Yep," he said. "We must have been thirsty."

"Should we get another bottle?" Meredith asked, her eyes meeting his.

He swallowed hard as he looked deeply into her eyes. She was talking about something besides wine, that much he could tell. He wasn't sure how he knew it, but he just did. He had always been able to read Meredith very well, and now the vulnerable, somewhat scared and mostly excited look in her eyes told him that she was definitely thinking along the same lines he was.

"Well…that depends on how responsible we want to be," he said. "I think…the responsible thing to do would be to stop here. Keep things the way they are."

Meredith nodded, contemplating that. "But…we could just get one bottle," she said. "No one will know, and…it would be fun. To just have one bottle of wine."

Derek couldn't help but stare at her for a long moment. She was completely beautiful, with her hair falling all around her face, her cheeks slightly flushed from the wine she had already consumed. He would be lying if he said that she wasn't attractive; when she'd walked in on him in the bathroom that morning she'd been fully clothed but he'd still had a hard time keeping himself calm. She'd obviously been turned on by the sight of him, and her increased breathing combined with the way she had stared at his body longingly had made him stir with a desire for her. He'd had to sit in the bathroom for a few minutes after she'd left, trying to remember every element of the periodic table in order to calm himself down.

But now she was leaning across the table to him, her fingers playing over the back of his hand as her lips opened slightly. He knew this was bad, this was probably the worst decision he had ever made. But Meredith Grey was nothing if not persistent, and God, he wanted her.

"I don't want to be irresponsible," he finally admitted.

Meredith stared at him for another moment before she shook her head and turned to their waitress who was passing by. "Another bottle of wine," she said with a smile. "Same label, please."

Derek coughed as she turned back to him, a careful smile playing on her lips. "We're in LA," she said in way of explanation. "No one will know if we have just one more."

"Why not?" Derek sighed as his meal was placed in front of him. When the wine arrived he poured both of them a generous glass, taking note of the fact that Meredith was not sipping it down quickly, but rather taking a small sip here and there, as if enjoying its sensation. He could tell she was starting to feel a little more buzzed than usual, as her giggles became more frequent and her movements more seductive. But that second part could very well have been his own brain interpreting every movement she made as completely sexy.

"Thanks for dinner," Meredith breathed forty five minutes later as Derek slid his credit card back into his wallet.

"My pleasure," Derek said, clearing his throat before he rose to stand. He closed his eyes for a brief moment, trying to calm himself as Meredith stood, her long legs stemming from the dark green dress she had been wearing all day. The dress that had slowly driven him crazier and crazier as he'd watched her walk in front of her.

"Now what should we do?" Meredith sighed dramatically as they stepped into the warm southern air, a welcome change from the cool breeze that always seemed to sweep through Seattle.

"I'm kind of…tired," Derek said as he turned to look at her. Tired, turned on. They'd been talking around the subject all night, there was no reason to stop now.

And Meredith apparently understood exactly what he meant. "Me too," she whispered.

They held each other's gaze for a long moment before Derek stepped off of the curb, hailed a cab, and allowed Meredith to climb in before him. In the safety of the backseat, he felt her reach for his hand and offered it a tight squeeze as he informed the driver of their hotel. She offered him a wide smile as he turned back to her, then surprised him by adjusting her hand so their fingers were laced together. Something about it felt…completely right. Like they weren't about to do something completely and totally wrong, and that they were actually involved in some kind of intimacy that consisted of more than flirting. And he liked it.

But then the cab pulled to a stop and he had to untangle his hand from Meredith's to reach for his wallet. After handing the bills to the driver, her stepped out of the cab to meet her on the curb, and together the two of them walked into the hotel.

The elevator ride up to their room was silent, and he was sure that Meredith could hear his heart pounding. This wasn't right, he knew they shouldn't be doing this. They both had people they loved at home waiting for them, but he couldn't help forgetting about that fact for the time being. He needed to feel Meredith, he wanted to know her entire body, to hear her moan his name and feel what her very depth felt like. He needed her in a way that he had never needed anyone else before, and tonight was the perfect opportunity for them to finally give in to what they were feeling.

"Are you okay?" her soft voice interrupted his thoughts as she pushed their door open and followed him in.

"Perfect," he nodded, turning to look at her as they stopped in the middle of the room. "Are you?"

"Yes," she whispered, taking the smallest of steps closer to him.

"Meredith," he whispered, trying to ignore his spinning head and the way her body seemed to be calling for his own. "Are you sure about this? Because I'm…I'm not drunk, and I know that I want to do this. But it's okay, if you don't."

"I want to," she said, taking another step towards him and shedding her jacket. "I'm tipsy, but you can't feel bad about taking advantage. I've wanted to do this for so long, and now is just the perfect time. No one's here, and we've finally had the courage to admit it to each other."

"So just this once," Derek said. "And we won't let it ruin our friendship."

"Exactly what I was thinking," Meredith whispered, stepping even closer to him so that he could feel her hot breath against her face as he leaned down to her. "Should we shake on it?"

"How about we kiss?" Derek murmured, lowering his lips to hers, his hands settling on her hips as their lips gently played against each other's.

"Hmmm," Meredith sighed, her arms reaching up to wrap around his neck. She held him tightly as her mouth parted, seeking his tongue with her own and he could feel himself becoming more aroused by the second at the taste of her.

They were still fully clothed, but she tasted like wine and strawberries, and he could feel her breasts pushing into his chest as she continued to work her mouth against his. One of his hands moved from her hip to her hair, and he allowed himself to tangle his fingers in the long silky hair. After a moment of gentle kissing, he felt her pull back and smiled as she reached for the buttons on his shirt.

"I seem to remember," she breathed. "Seeing one of the most amazing bodies this morning. I've been thinking about it all day."

"You have?" Derek gasped as she pushed the shirt over his shoulders.

"Mmmhmm," she nodded, leaning forward to press her lips against his shoulder, slowly pressing kisses across his collar bone to his other shoulder. "I've wondered what it would feel like to have your hard, strong body pinning me against the mattress. And I almost came when thinking about what this," she moved a hand to brush against the bulge in his pants, "would feel like as it was buried deep inside of me."

"Oh God," Derek moaned, his own hands fumbling for the zipper on her dress. "I need to see you."

Meredith blushed slightly as he slid the zipper down, then pulled the straps off of her shoulders. She stood before him in nothing but a black bra and panties, and her black heels. She was completely beautiful, with her breasts almost spilling out of her bra her lean stomach and long legs that stemmed from the tiny scrap of black fabric that was hiding the place he longed to be the most.

"Meredith," he breathed. "You are so beautiful."

A quick flash of doubt came over her features, and she shook her head. "Don't lie," she requested softly. "Please don't."

"I'm not," Derek shook his head, watching with fascination as she sat down on the edge of her bed to rid herself of her heels. "Mer, you are completely breathtaking."

"No one has ever said that to me before," she whispered, standing again, this time slightly lower than she had been before.

Derek's heart ached briefly for the woman in front of him. He couldn't believe that none of the men she had ever been with had told her how amazing she was, but he was not going to be one of those men.

"They were all idiots," he whispered in her ear before sucking gently at the lobe. "Easily the most beautiful woman I've ever seen."

Meredith looked up at him for a moment, her eyes hungry and wild as she reached for his belt, pulling it off so fast it was almost violent. And in that moment the intimacy turned to desperate need, and he kicked his shoes off so she could shove his pants and boxers out of the way. Her bra came off easily, but her panties were more difficult and he was vaguely aware of the sound of ripping fabric before he tossed them over the shoulder to the floor.

Now that they were both naked together, Derek allowed himself to look her body over, his already hard erection straightening even more at the sight. He was throbbing now as she pulled him on top of her on the bed, her body long and compliant beneath hers. As much as he might have wanted to take his time, to get to know her body, he also knew that his own body would not allow that.

"Meredith," he breathed, kissing her deeply before he looked into her dark, stormy green eyes. "You feel so good."

"Please," she whispered, wrapping a leg around his waist and arching her hips against his. "Derek, I need you."

"Yes," he sighed, leaning in to kiss her deeply. He positioned himself over her center before he paused, holding himself over her with shaking forearms. "Wait."

"Wait?" she asked, her hooded eyes meeting his, and he could tell that she was already halfway to orgasm with the redness of her skin and the glassiness over her eyes. "Why?"

"I need a condom," he said, reaching for his pants off of the floor and pulling out his wallet. "Perfect," he breathed as he pulled out the flat wrapper and pulled back from her for a moment. His hands were shaking as he pulled the wrapper open, and once he had himself situated he returned to his place hovering over Meredith's entrance. "You okay?" he asked softly.

"Yes," she whispered, her voice desperate and full of need. "Please, Derek, please."

"Hmmm," he sighed, holding her gaze as he slowly entered into her, allowing himself to savor every moment it took to glide in, inch by inch.

"Oh god," Meredith's head rolled back, her eyes fell shut as her muscles tightened around him. "Derek…oh yes!"

He stayed still for a moment, letting her ride out or orgasm as he lay nestled deep within her. When she finally came, he pulled out of her and then thrust back in, faster than before and loving the feeling of her wetness that surrounded him.

"Mer," he moaned, his pace steady and even as he thrust into her deeply, the tip of his erection meeting the very depth of her core with every thrust.

"Oh god!" she shouted, her body arching up against his. "Yes, Derek, yes, yes!"

Her cries of pleasure only intensified his arousal, but he knew he couldn't come yet. She felt too good, too amazing for this to be over yet. And she was currently screaming his name with her third orgasm, and he continued to thrust into her, now determined to see just how many times he could make her come.

"Harder," Meredith ordered, panting hard beneath him. "Faster, please Derek."

"Faster," Derek echoed her words, his hips immediately increasing their pace and slamming into her harder and faster than he had before. Meredith's arms wrapped tighter around his neck as she arched her back, giving him the perfect angle to suck on her neck. He did so easily, loving the vibrations that came from deep within her at every thrust.

"Oh…oh…oh!" her cries became louder with every single thrust, until he could feel himself swelling inside of her, ready to explode himself.

"Derek!" she screamed as she came again, number five or six he wasn't sure. But it was enough to send him over the edge as well, and he felt his own body tighten as he began to release into her.

"Meredith!" he moaned her name, his shout of pleasure mixing in with her soft whimpers of pleasure, and their bodies slowly relaxed as Derek collapsed on top of her, panting hard.

"Oh my God," Meredith gasped, a shaking hand moving into his sweaty hair. "Derek…"

"Wow," he agreed, nestling his head into her shoulder and inhaling some kind of flowery scent that sent shivers down his spine. "Mer…"

"You're amazing," she whispered, her fingers tangling in his soft curls.

"You too," he breathed, taking a deep breath before he rolled off of her and reached for a tissue on the bedside table to take care of himself. Once he was cleaned up and the condom disposed of, he turned back to Meredith and felt his heart swell with emotion as she lay completely exposed beside him, her skin still flushed and her chest still rising and falling heavily. Without thinking, he leaned down to kiss her deeply, loving the way her hand met his cheek and held him in place as she kissed him back.

"Derek?" she whispered between kisses as he littered a line of kisses down the side of her neck before gently sucking at her collarbone.

"Hmmm?"

"Do you think…can you hold me tonight?"

"Oh Meredith," he pulled back to push her hair out of her face. "I wouldn't have it any other way."

"Good," she whispered. "Because right now, I don't think I can't not be in your arms."

"I need you too," he admitted softly.

They were both silent for a long moment as Meredith lay on her back, Derek on his side beside her. His stomach pressed into her side, and his arm was thrown over her stomach, his leg nestled between hers. One of her hands was still stroking his hair, the other gently stroking his forearm as she looked deeply into his eyes.

"What does this mean?" she finally whispered.

Derek inhaled sharply. He didn't want to think about that now. He knew what they had just done was wrong. But in that one perfect moment, he wanted to let himself believe that he and Meredith could be happy, that they hadn't committed one of the biggest wrong doings there was to do, and that they didn't have significant others waiting for them. In that one moment, it was just him and Meredith, and the rest of the world didn't even exist.

"I don't know," he admitted, tightening his body against hers. He didn't want there to be any space between them right now.

"I've never had sex like that before," she said softly.

"Me either," Derek whispered, his eyes falling to meet hers. She looked vulnerable somehow, but still incredibly sexy, and really just…amazingly beautiful. He leaned over to kiss her lips softly, letting his body hover over hers for a long moment.

"Maybe this could be an LA thing," Meredith whispered softly. "Not a one time thing."

Derek nodded slowly. "I like the sound of that," he said.

Meredith let a sly, sexy grin take over her features. "That's good," she breathed, adjusting their position so that she was lying on top of him, her hips already grinding against his. "Because it would have been a shame if I never got to ride you."

"Fuck, Meredith."

She leaned down to kiss him deeply, her hair falling to curtain their faces together. "We can experiment," she whispered. "What's your favorite?"

Derek panted hard as he felt Meredith move her body over his. He was desperate for her, needed to feel every inch of her. But she was teasing him, and even if it was sweet torture, he was more than okay with this kind of teasing.

"Reverse cowgirl," he breathed. "Sitting…shower…over the counter…"

"Well, Dr. Shepherd," Meredith giggled. "I would never have figured you for the dirty, kinky type."

"I'm not," he gasped as her fingers trailed over his almost painful erection. "Fantasies."

"And you think I'll engage in all of those fantasies?" Meredith raised an eyebrow.

"Please," Derek requested, rocking his hips against hers.

"Hmmm," Meredith sighed, leaning over to kiss him deeply before she lowered herself onto his erection, finally letting him feel the sweet satisfaction he had been desperate for.

"Mer," he sighed, leaning back into the pillows and letting her rock over him. He was used to always being the one to do the work, but it was obvious that Meredith wanted to be the giver right now. And he was more than okay with the feeling of being made love to instead of being the one making love. It was a small difference, one that he probably wouldn't have noticed with Tiffany or anyone else, but it was there. It was there and he didn't know exactly what it meant.

"You feel so good," Meredith breathed in his ear, gently pressing her lips against the soft skin before scraping her teeth against his earlobe. "So big and hard…you feel me completely, and it feels so amazing."

"Fuck," Derek gasped, his hands moving to her hips to guide her movements. "God you're so beautiful."

"Am I wet enough for you?" Meredith whispered, her hips stopping their thrusting for a moment to start moving in a figure eight position, the friction of their bodies rubbing together causing him to arch his back in pleasure. "You make me so wet, Derek. Even before, when I was on call and bored at the hospital…I locked myself in an on call room and pretended my finger was your hard, throbbing cock. I came so hard when I pictured you thrusting into me."

"Yes," Derek gasped, his hands moving to fist the sheets. "Fuck me, Mer. Please…"

"You want it dirty?" she asked, her eyes dark and stormy as they met his.

"Please," he breathed. "Ride me, please ride me."

Meredith smiled slyly as she pressed a kiss to his lips again, then sat up, her breasts hanging in his face as she braced herself against the wall. She was still for a moment, killing Derek with the anticipation before she began to rock her hips hard against him, causing her to move up and down on his straining erection. The bed rocked with their movements, hitting the wall in time with Meredith's hips, and he could feel himself start to lose control.

"Meredith!" he shouted as his body tightened. "Yes, that's it…god yes!"

"Oh god," she gasped, her hips still rocking until he felt her muscles begin to contract around him. They came at the same time, his body exploding against hers as she arched her back in pleasure, and then she collapsed against his chest with shaking hands, resting her head against his chest and wrapping her body tightly around him.

"That was fucking amazing," Derek breathed.

Meredith nodded desperately against his chest. "Thank God the conference is extended," she said. "We should totally just stay up here and have sex."

"I think Richard would have a problem with that," Derek laughed, his hand trailing over her spine.

"Fine," Meredith sighed, propping herself up on her elbow to look down at him. "But for the record, this is the best night…best day I've had in a really long time."

Derek smiled as he pushed some hair out of her face and leaned in to kiss her. "Me too, Mer," he whispered. "Possibly ever."

Meredith nodded as she leaned back down to rest her head on his chest. They were silent as they both drifted off to sleep, both of them treasuring the moment and refusing to think about what the consequences of what they had just done. In that moment, everything was perfect and nothing could ruin the sweet pleasure of the couple curled together as they slept.


	9. Chapter 9

Meredith couldn't remember the last time she had taken a nap. It had to have been in college, when she was completely not serious about her life and instead focused on whatever she wanted to do in that moment. After college she'd gone to Europe for a few months, where the hostels and cheap hotels hadn't really been conducive to sleeping even at night, let alone during the day. She'd returned from Europe to battle her mother over the fact that she needed to retire because of her Alzheimer's diagnosis, a battle that had left her exhausted but without much time to herself. And then had come medical school, where she had realized that her carefree attitude about school had to change. She was no longer the smartest person in her class; medical school was filled with only the brightest people, all of whom were competing for the same thing. So she'd had to give up luxuries like naps in order to become the best. Which she had.

But now she had just woken from her first nap in ten years, warm, naked, satisfied, and completely happy. She stretched slightly as she drifted back into consciousness, then turned on her side to study the man beside her who was still sleeping soundly.

A soft smile came to her face as she looked closely at Derek. She'd thought she'd known him, known everything about him, but the past two days had proved her completely wrong. Since their first time together Friday night, they had only left the hotel room once, to venture to the gift shop downstairs for more condoms and something to drink. But save for that one ten minute trip, they had been more than satisfied to stay curled together in bed, talking and sexing. The man had amazing stamina, and she was pretty sure that she had set some kind of record for the amount of orgasms she had had in less than forty eight hours. She hadn't expected him to be so dirty, but he was and she loved it. She'd always been on the more adventurous side when it came to sex, but the men she had been with had never really appreciated that. Derek, however, seemed to love the dirtiness and had somehow managed to bend her body in ways that she hadn't thought possible. Her thighs were still aching with the way he had taken her in the shower a couple hours ago, but it was a pleasant ache, one that she wouldn't mind feeling for the rest of her life if it meant that Derek kept her so satiated.

But as amazing as the sex was, and it was the most amazing she had ever had, there was something else about this weekend that had left her feeling safe and content. It was the way that she and Derek had been able to talk, easily and freely about anything they wanted, although they both steered away from any discussion of Nathan or Tiffany. She'd shared her somewhat wild past with him, and he had laughed and told her about how he had rebelled in college and bought a motorcycle. Then she'd discussed the loneliness she had felt growing up as an only child with no father and an absent mother, and his eyes had darkened as he'd told her about his father's death and the horrible year that had followed, how he'd gone from being a care free ten year old to being the man of the house in the time it took to shoot one bullet. His mother and sisters had needed him, so he had to be there for them, forcing him to give up his childhood in the process.

It had been in that moment that something clicked. There had been something there from the moment they met. Meredith had thought he was attractive from the start, and he had always been easy to talk to. She didn't think that the past two days had been a mistake, she felt safer than she ever had with him. But it was in the moment that they each shared the horrible memories of their childhood that she knew this was something more, something huge. She'd never told anyone about how much her mother's absence had affected her, and Derek had admitted that she was the only person who knew just how guilty he felt for his regrets about his adolescent years, taking care of his family instead of being a normal teenager. That they were able to share these intimacies with each other proved that there was something more to this relationship. It was more than a friendship, it was more than dirty sex while they were away for the weekend. She wasn't sure that it was love, but she did know that whatever she was feeling for Derek, it was more intense than what she had felt for Nathan.

She smiled as she reached out to run her fingers over his soft black hair. She loved his hair, everything about it, including the slight gray streak that was appearing in the middle. The strands were thick and soft against her fingers, and she continued to run her hands through it as she studied his sleeping face. Asleep, he looked so different. His face was relaxed, free of the stress that seemed to accompany him everywhere he went, his jaw relaxed, his breathing deep and even. He seemed to become more innocent, more vulnerable when he was asleep, and she couldn't help but wonder what he had looked like as a little boy. She imagined that it would have been similar to the way he slept, but she would have to ask him someday.

Someday. There was that word again. This whole weekend, she had been saying that word to herself as if she and Derek actually had a future together. But it wasn't going to happen, that much she knew. Nathan was waiting for her at home with an engagement ring, and Derek loved Tiffany. She knew that there was no someday, but she wasn't sure what was going to happen when they got home. She wouldn't be able to work with him, to go out on double dates with him, even think about him without thinking about how perfect this weekend had been and how much she wanted a someday with him, not Nathan.

She was pulled from her thoughts as she felt him shift beside her, and she smiled as his eyelids fluttered slightly, they way they always did before he woke up. She leaned down to rest her head on the pillow beside him, smiling as he finally opened his eyes. "Hey," she whispered, her hand still playing in his hair. "Sleep well?"

"Very," he sighed, his hand finding her side and rubbing gently. "You?"

"Perfect," she breathed, leaning in to kiss him. "I have good news and I have bad news."

"Just what every man wants to hear when he wakes up," Derek said, his eyes sparkling slightly. "Good news first."

"There will be lots of dirty sex for you tonight," Meredith promised with a sly smile as she hooked her leg over his hip.

"Well, that makes the bad news entirely worth it," Derek murmured.

"I'm glad you think so, because the dinner begins in forty five minutes," Meredith breathed.

"Shit," Derek frowned, turning to look at the clock. "Do we have to go?"

"I think so," Meredith sighed, sitting up and moving towards her suitcase, not even noticing the fact that she was entirely naked. "But it's open bar."

"That sounds promising," Derek laughed from his place on the bed.

"And you don't even know what I'm capable of after a few shots of tequila," Meredith said with a grin, pulling a dress out of her suitcase and turning to him with a grin. "Whatever your wildest fantasy is, Dr. Shepherd…I'll be more than likely to do it when I've got tequila in me."

"Well," Derek swallowed hard as he swung his legs over the side of the bed and made his way to the closet, where he'd hung his suit. "Let's see if they have an early bird special."

Meredith giggled as she pulled on a pair of panties. "You're doing an awfully good job of ignoring that," she gestured to the throbbing erection between his legs.

"I've gotten used to it," Derek sighed. "You have no idea how many times I used to hear you laugh and get hard just at the sound alone."

"Oh," Meredith breathed, fingering her bra in her hands. "I um…I can stop laughing."

"What?" Derek breathed, looking up from his belt buckle. "No. Please don't, I love that sound."

"But if it makes you…" Meredith's voice trailed off as she tried to ignore the tightening in her stomach at the thought of returning to Seattle. "When we go home, I don't want you to…"

Understanding came over Derek's face, and he nodded slowly. "Meredith," he breathed. "Tomorrow night, before we go home Tuesday, I'm going to take you out to dinner. We have to talk about this."

Panic rose in Meredith's chest and she fought the urge to throw up. "Talk?" she whispered.

"I don't know what this is," Derek said softly, reaching for her hand. "But I do know that what I'm feeling is a hell of a lot more than a need for sex."

"Me too," she whispered softly.

"So…we need to talk about it," Derek said, leaning in to kiss her softly. "But not now. Now we need to get dressed so I can get you drunk."

She smiled as she slid her arms into the straps of her bra and reached behind her to fasten it. "Have you decided on a fantasy yet?" she asked.

"Well, I don't suppose you brought any stilettos with you," Derek sighed.

"Sorry, I left my sexy pair at home," Meredith rolled her eyes.

"So I guess there are two that I'm deciding between," Derek breathed, stepping closer to her.

"And those would be…"

"Sixty nining you," Derek whispered. "I know it's not really a fantasy, but…it's not something that any of my other girlfriends have ever been interested in."

"Hmmm," Meredith sighed, reaching her arms up around his neck. "That's definitely possible. What's the other one?"

"Tying you up," Derek breathed. "Blindfolding you. And fucking you hard and fast, until you're screaming my name."

"Oh," Meredith gasped, tightening her hold around his neck and not trusting her knees to keep her upright. "That's…we can do both."

"Good," Derek laughed, kissing her deeply before he moved to reach for his shirt.

"Although I think you might be trying to kill me," Meredith said as she stepped into her dress.

"Why would I do that?" Derek frowned.

"I don't know," Meredith said. "But I had fifteen orgasms today, Derek. It's six thirty, and you've given me fifteen orgasms."

"Damn, I'm good."

Meredith rolled her eyes. "I'm not saying that to boost your ego, because that's the last thing you need," she said. "I'm saying it because I'm so sore I can barely walk."

Derek frowned, concern taking over his features. "I'm sorry," he said. "If it's too much you should have said something. We don't have to tonight…"

"I want to," she said quickly. "I do. I'm just…usually, I can have three, maybe four. But with you, it's like…the first time, I had seven. All together. That doesn't happen for me."

"It's different," Derek said softly. She knew from the expression on his face that he understood. "Not just the sex," he whispered. "With you…you're different than the others I've dated."

Meredith nodded slowly. "You too," she whispered.

Silence filled the room as she sat down on the unused bed to put her shoes on and he turned to the mirror to tie his tie. After a long moment, he cleared his throat and turned to look at her. "You look beautiful."

She blushed slightly and looked down at her feet. "Thanks," she whispered.

"I mean it," he said, reaching for her hand. "Ready to go?"

"Yes," she said, pulling her hand out of his. "I know we don't know anyone here, but you never know who could be here and talk to…" she trailed off, not wanting to say their names, afraid it would break some kind of spell that had made their weekend so wonderful. "We're friends tonight, okay? Around the other doctors, we're friends."

"Friends," Derek nodded. "Especially since you're my resident."

"Exactly," Meredith said, stopping at the door to turn and look at him.

"What?" he asked, his eyes glazing over to look at her carefully.

"Nothing," she shook her head, reaching to straighten his tie before she leaned in to kiss him. "Let's go."

XXXXX

"I swear, I'm not drunk," Meredith insisted as she stumbled out of the elevator several hours later, both of Derek's arms wrapped around her waist to keep her from falling.

"I know you're not," he laughed, fumbling in his pocket for the key.

"Maybe you're the drunk one," Meredith accused as she stumbled into the room. "You're acting weird."

"I did have some scotch," Derek conceded, laughing as he watched her collapse on the still unmade bed.

"Let's have sex," Meredith said, making no move to undress herself or even look at him. "Sex is…good."

"Sex is very good," Derek said. "But I don't know if you're up for it."

"I don't have to be up," Meredith rolled her eyes. "_You _do. For a doctor, you're kind of stupid."

Derek laughed. "Sorry," he said. "I must have forgotten that because I'm drunk."

"That's kind of sad," Meredith informed him. "But I still want to sex you. Because you're the best…"

"So you do admit that I'm the best you ever had," Derek said, pulling his tie off and settling down beside her on the bed. "It's okay if you're tired, Mer. We've had a lot of sex this weekend, we can just sleep tonight."

"But…we need to have as much as we can," she whispered, her eyes falling shut.

"Why's that?" Derek frowned, moving to her feet to take her heels off.

"Home..Seattle…no sex…bad sex…"

Derek's heart squeezed in his chest. She was half asleep, but he knew what she was trying to say. She knew that when they returned to Seattle, they wouldn't be able to have sex anymore. And she would have to go back to what was apparently bad sex with Nathan. And as horrible as it made him sound, he was proud of himself for being better in bed than her own boyfriend. That at least gave him some hope.

Not that he was sure what he was hoping for. Tiffany was at home waiting for him, and while he was having an amazing time with Meredith, he wasn't sure that he could just get up and leave Tiffany. Not after everything they had been through, and especially if Meredith wasn't willing to leave Nathan. He wasn't sure what was going to come of this, but he did know one thing.

He would much rather stay up all night watching Meredith sleep than get any sleep himself. And that had to mean something, even if he didn't know what.

XXXXX

"I hate you," Meredith groaned as she sat in the lecture hall beside him the next day.

"Hey, you're the one who wanted the tequila," Derek shrugged, handing her a cup of coffee. "I played no part in bringing you any of those shots."

"Well you could have cut me off," Meredith said. "At least then I wouldn't be hungover."

"I tried," Derek laughed. "You pushed me away and told me the only way you would leave the bar was when they were out of tequila."

"I did not say that," Meredith rolled her eyes.

Before Derek could respond, the presented stood up behind the podium and introduced himself before beginning his presentation. Derek wasn't particularly interested in this topic; his area of interest was in the following presentation about inoperable tumors rather than the possible surgical treatments for schizophrenia.

The presentation had barely been going on five minutes when his phone buzzed in his pocket, signaling a new text message. He reached for it quickly, dreading seeing a message from Tiffany asking about his trip. Instead, he frowned when he saw Meredith's name in the sender's line. He turned to look at her with a frown, but she was seemingly paying close attention to the presentation, pen in hand and ready to take notes should she find it necessary. He shook his head as he looked down at the message.

_I still owe you from last night._

Derek shook his head as he quickly typed a message back.

_You do. I'm still waiting._

_Well, maybe you shouldn't have let me drink so much._

_I told you, it wasn't my fault._

_Then it's not my fault that you missed out on all the dirty sex I promised you._

_I think you could still give me that much._

_We'll see if you're a good boy._

_I thought you would have preferred me to be bad._

_Only if you want me to punish you._

_Now that sounds promising._

_I would torture you until you were so hard that it hurt._

_Would you take me in your mouth?_

_All the way. I'd scrape my teeth over every inch of your hard, huge, throbbing cock._

_While I grab your hair, tugging on it to tell you where I wanted you._

_If you did that, I would have to spank you for being naughty._

_Spank me hard?_

_Over and over again, until you are ready to come. But I won't let you._

_I want to be inside you._

_I squeeze your balls hard, making sure you can't come until you're deep inside of me. And then I straddle you, rubbing myself the head of your cock._

_I grab your hips and pull you onto me and reach up to suck on your nipple, letting my teeth scrape against the skin of your breast._

_Then I'm moving over you, letting you slide in and out of me at a slow pace._

_I arch my hips against yours and hit your g-spot, causing you to speed up._

_I can feel it coming and I release you, feeling you start to swell inside of me._

_Then I explode inside of you, shouting your name as you scream in pleasure._

_I scream your name loud enough for the whole world to hear, knowing that no one else can fuck me like you can._

_Fuck, Mer, you just got me so hard._

_You might want to do something about that. Or else all of those skanky LA doctors will get an eyeful._

The room filled with applause, causing Derek to look up and realize that the speaker had finished his presentation. He shifted slightly in his seat and leaned closer to Meredith, his breath hot against her cheek. "You are completely evil," he whispered in her ear.

"I have no idea what you're talking about, Dr. Shepherd," she replied, but the small smirk on her lips told him that she knew exactly what he was talking about. And she was enjoying every moment of his misery.

He bit back a groan as the applause died down and another speak took the podium, this doctor the one that he had been sent here to see. Now he really had to pay attention and make sure that he had something he could bring back to Seattle to prove that he had actually gone to this conference. It didn't take long for him to concentrate once he was immerged in specific case studies and the seemingly impossible chance of removing inoperable tumors, but the entire time he was listening to the lecture he was very aware of how comforted he felt with the presence beside him.

It both scared and excited him, the feelings that he was having for Meredith Grey, and he knew that they couldn't just leave LA with their relationship the way it was at this moment. They were going to have to talk things over, a talk which he was dreading. He knew that having this conversation with Meredith would change his life, for either the better or the worse, but no matter how many times he played it over in his head, he couldn't figure out how he wanted it to go.

The one thing he did know was that the thought of ending his relationship with Meredith was a lot scarier than ending his relationship with Tiffany. With that realization, he cleared his throat and sat up a little bit straighter.

He'd just made his decision.


	10. Chapter 10

Meredith was sure that she had never seen Derek nervous before. She'd seen him frustrated, angry, excited, sad…almost every emotion except nervous. But now she was sitting beside him in a small restaurant across the street from the hotel and she could tell that he was completely nervous. She just couldn't figure out why.

The conference that day had been fine, nothing extraordinarily exciting, but enough to make her interested in further research about tumors. Derek had seemed interested too, but he had told her that they needed to talk, and then had been completely silent since they'd sat down. With slightly shaking hands, she reached to pour herself another glass of wine, knowing that she would need it to get through this dinner. She sipped at the glass slowly, marveling at how different this dinner was than the fun, flirty conversation that they had had only three nights before when they had first arrived in LA.

"Meredith," he finally sighed, reaching for her hand across the table.

"Hey," she murmured, her eyes meeting his for a brief second.

"Hi," he said. "Sorry I'm quiet."

"That's okay," she nodded. "It's just…I don't know why it feels like someone is about to break up with me. We're not even together."

She was surprised to see something that resembled hurt flash across Derek's eyes, and he dropped her hand quickly. "Yeah," he breathed. "I guess you're right."

"Derek," she frowned, leaning forward. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," he nodded. "I'm just thinking a lot."

"About what?" she whispered.

"Nothing," he shook his head. "It's fine."

"Derek," she insisted, reaching for his hand. "Please don't do that. I don't want what happened between us to ruin our friendship."

"I think it's a little late for that," he said. "That's why we need to talk."

"Oh," Meredith breathed, her heart feeling like it was being shattered into a million pieces. "I was afraid of that."

"Of what?" Derek asked.

"That you won't want to be my friend anymore," Meredith whispered. "I guess…it's okay. You can be Dr. Shepherd and I'll be Dr. Grey and we don't have to hang out together…"

"Oh Mer," Derek whispered. "It's not like that. In fact, it's the opposite."

"Opposite," Meredith stated, realization sweeping over her. "Derek…"

"Meredith, I'm…"

"Don't," she said, pulling her hand free from his. "You can't say that, Derek."

"But it's the truth."

"It can't be the truth," she snapped. "Because this is only an LA thing."

"Maybe I want it to be a Seattle thing too," Derek argued. "Meredith, I want this to be an everywhere, all the time thing."

"Derek, listen to yourself," she snapped. "What we did, this weekend? It was wrong. It was amazing and wonderful, but completely wrong. Because we're both in love with other people, and that makes us horrible, awful people. So no matter how amazing the sex is, or what a great friend you are, we can't keep doing this. Someone will find out, and then we'll just hurt the people I love. I can't do that to Nathan."

"I'm not in love with Tiffany."

"And what about the fact that we work at the same…what?"

"What I feel for Tiffany, it's not love anymore," Derek said. "It's some kind of obligatory need to stay with her. But I'm not in love with her anymore."

"Oh."

"I'm going to break up with her when we go home."

"Oh," Meredith whispered, suddenly finding it hard for air to get into her lungs. "Oh my God."

"And that's regardless of what you say," Derek assured her. "I understand if you can't leave Nathan. I want you to, but you're in love with him, so I understand if you can't."

"I want to," Meredith surprised herself by saying. "I…the thought of marrying him completely freaks me out. That should be a sign that I shouldn't marry him, right?"

"Right," Derek said firmly. "But Mer, I don't want to pressure you into anything. I just thought you should know what I'm feeling and know what my plans are. But just because I want something from you doesn't mean you should do it just for that reason."

"You are an idiot," she rolled her eyes, but leaned in to kiss him anyways.

"I'm trying to be romantic," he laughed, holding her close when she tried to pull away.

"If you think that I would ever do anything based on the sole reason that you wanted me to, then you're a huge idiot," Meredith confirmed.

"Fine," Derek laughed. "But I'm your idiot."

"Not yet," Meredith said carefully. "Soon."

"Soon," Derek agreed.

"And no sex," Meredith added.

"What?" Derek frowned.

"We can't sleep together or do anything…couply until Nathan and Tiffany know," Meredith said. "It's not fair to them."

"Not even tonight?" Derek asked, offering her a soft smile.

She swallowed hard as she looked at him, completely amazed by the power that he held over her. Not only was she unable to say no to him when he offered her the dreamy eyes and tilted his head to the side, but he was the only man who could make her body hum with arousal in one stupid look. And she knew that there was no way she would be able to sleep in the same bed as him tonight without making love to him.

"Well, we did have previous stipulations about LA," she said. "So I suppose it would be alright if we did it tonight."

"Good," Derek squeezed her hand.

"On one condition," Meredith added.

"Anything."

"I know we've done dirty and I promised you fantasies," she said. "But tonight do you think…I want you to make love to me."

"Oh Mer," Derek sighed, leaning in to kiss her softly, his breath hot against her skin. "There is nothing that I want more in the world."

"Good," Meredith sighed, leaning back in her chair and smiling as their food was brought to their table. She suddenly felt really good about her future, and as she offered Derek a coy smile she tried to suppress the guilt that was building in her chest.

XXXXX

"Hmmm," Derek sighed against her lips two hours later. They had returned from dinner almost an hour earlier, but instead of ravaging each other as they had done for most of the weekend, they had simply fallen onto the bed and started kissing, fully clothed and completely innocent. Part of her felt stupid, like they were high school virgins afraid to be caught by their parents, but another part of her, a larger part, thought that it was nice. Derek obviously wanted to take his time with her, and sometimes it was nice just to kiss. They both knew it would lead to something eventually, but right now she was okay with just kissing. She just wanted to be near to him, and even though she was starting to feel the ache for him between her legs, she wanted a few more minutes of the specific intimacy brought on by kissing.

"Derek," she sighed, cupping his cheeks in her hands and pulling him back slightly to look up at him. His hair was a mess from her fingers already, and his cheeks were flushed. His eyes were dark with passion and arousal, and he offered her a soft, loving smile as his eyes met hers.

"What is it?" he whispered.

"Nothing," she sighed, pulling him back down for another long, soft kiss. He adjusted his body on top of hers, nudging her legs apart and settling one of his between them so that it was impossible for her to miss the feeling of his hardness against her hip. She responded by reaching between them for the buttons on his shirt, gently easing the soft blue material over his strong, masculine shoulders.

"Mer," he sighed as she tossed the shirt to the floor.

"I want you to make love to me," she requested. "I'm…Derek, I'm so ready for you, I just need to feel you."

"Yes," he agreed, pulling her into a sitting position and reaching for the hem of her shirt. It came off easily and joined his own shirt on the floor, and he sat back and stared at her for a moment. "You are so beautiful," he whispered.

"Derek…"

"It's true," he whispered, leaning down to suck gently at her neck before he trailed a small line of kisses down the line of her bra. "Gorgeous."

"What…what are you doing?" she breathed.

"Making love," Derek said with a smirk. "No one has ever done that for you before, have they?"

"It usually involves sex."

"Later," Derek nodded, reaching behind her for the clasp on her bra. "For now, it's a lot of this."

"Oh," she gasped as he cupped her breast in his hand, his mouth moving to gently suck at the other one. She reached for his hair, threading her fingers through the silky strands and holding him in place. The sensation of his lips and teeth against her felt almost too good, and she didn't want him to stop, ever. "Derek…yes…"

"Hmmm," he sighed against the skin of her breast before he released her nipple and eased her onto her back, his mouth trailing down her stomach. He paused at her belly button, gently sucking and nibbling at the soft skin. "You are so perfect."

"Oh," she breathed, her hips rocking slightly as her arms moved above her head to stretch out in pleasure. "Derek, please…"

"Getting there," he smiled before he ran his tongue along the line of her jeans, pausing to pay close attention to each hipbone.

She sighed in pleasure at the sensation, sure that she had never been pleasured like this before. Her body was already humming and her pants were still on. But strangely she wasn't even desperate for him. She just wanted to bask in the pleasure he was giving her, and she was positive that it would be perfectly fine if he never stopped.

"Meredith," he said her name like it was a prayer, and she moaned as he reached for the button on her jeans. He peeled them off in one easy motion, her underwear coming as well. She watched as he sat back on his ankles for a moment, his hard, strong, chest panting hard as he looked at her.

With a deep sigh, she pushed herself into a sitting position as well and reached for his belt. They were completely silent as his pants came off and they were both finally naked. He reached out to cup her cheek gently, kissing her more softly than she ever had before as his thumb gently stroked her cheek. He gently eased her onto her back, offering her a dreamy smile before he pulled back for a moment.

"Where…" she reached her hands out for him, not trusting her blurry vision to tell her exactly where he was. Her hands caught on his wrist, and his gentle laughter came to her ears.

"It's okay, Mer," he whispered. "I'm not going anywhere."

She released his wrist and a moment later she heard the sound of crinkling. It stopped quickly, and then his body was resting over hers, his hands running over her sides.

"Mer?" she heard his voice ask quietly. "Are you okay?"

"Yes," she said, her head feeling heavy even against the pillows as she tried to nod. "Derek, please."

"Begging is hot," he laughed, but it was short lived as he lowered more of his weight onto her and slipped inside of her.

"Oh," she gasped, wrapping her arms around him. "Derek…"

He groaned softly as he buried his face in her neck, letting himself settle into the feeling of being deep inside of her. She squeezed her eyes shut as they lay together, connected in the most intimate way possible. She needed to remember every moment of this, what every single sensation felt like as he brushed up against her very core. She would need this, gather strength from this single perfect moment when she had to return to Seattle and part from him, if even for a few days.

She could feel Derek throbbing inside of her, and suddenly she wanted nothing more than to feel his body rocking against hers, his gentle strokes touching every inch of her. He filled her so perfectly, and she just wanted to feel him as best she could.

Wordlessly, she wrapped a leg around his waist and squeezed gently. He understood her movements and began to rock his hips at a slow, almost torturous pace. He kept his face buried in her hair as he moved in and out of her, going as deep as he could every few thrusts. She knew that she was close, that it wasn't going to be long before she came, and she heard his name come from her own lips in some kind of mix between a whimper and a purr.

He groaned as her walls began to contract around him, and it only took a few more strokes before his body was tightening as well. "Derek," she gasped, her muscles still contracting around his now soft penis that remain buried inside of her. "Oh God, yes!"

"Mer," he sighed, his breathing labored as he looked down at her, brushing her hair out of her face.

"Thank you," she whispered, cupping his cheeks in her hands. "Derek, that was…no one has ever done that for me before."

He smiled as he leaned down to kiss her. "That's because no one else has ever cared about you like I do," he whispered.

And then she couldn't help it. The tears that she had been holding back since earlier that evening came to her eyes in a hot rush, and she blinked rapidly, trying desperately to keep Derek from seeing them. But he was too close, too observant, and too good at reading her to not notice, and his tender expression quickly became one of concern and he moved off of her to reach for a tissue from the night table.

"Meredith, what's wrong?" he asked, reaching to wipe the tears from her eyes.

"Nothing," she shook her head. "I'm sorry, I'm just stupid."

"You're not stupid," he whispered. "What's wrong? I didn't hurt you, did I?"

His concern for her made the tears come even faster, and she shook her head against the pillows. "No, Derek, you could never hurt me," she whispered.

"Then what is it?" he asked. "I don't like seeing you cry."

"That's exactly it," she whispered. "The way you care about me and say things to me…no one has ever said that to me before, and that scares me. I know what I'm feeling for you, and it's big and huge and scary, and I just…I don't even know."

"Meredith, we need to take this slow," he assured her. "For everyone's sake. Ours, Tiffany's, Nathan's."

She began to sob even harder at the mention of her boyfriend's name, and she was aware of Derek's hands moving to her shoulders, gently massaging them in an attempt to calm her down. "He's going to think that I'm a slutty, dirty whore," she whispered.

"If he says that to you I'll kick his ass," Derek promised.

"But it's true!" she insisted, turning to meet his eyes. "We're cheaters, Derek. That makes me a slut and you…whatever a male slut is."

"As charming as that sounds," Derek sighed, resting his chin on her shoulder from behind and wrapping his arms around her waist. "I don't think of us like that."

"Why not?" she whispered, her sobs calming into hiccups as she leaned back into his strong embrace.

"Because we already decided this isn't some kind of dirty affair," Derek whispered in her ear. "We know this is something real. And I do feel bad about the fact that I'm going to hurt Tiffany. But I know that in the end it's the right thing to do. She'll go find someone else and hopefully be as happy as I think we will."

"I hope so," Meredith whispered, one more stray tear rolling down her cheek.

"Hey," he whispered, using his thumb to wipe the tear away. "No more of this. It's not good for a man's ego when a woman breaks down after he's made love to her."

She giggled as she tightened her hands around the arm that was holding her tightly. "Your ego doesn't need any boosting," she said. "But I can't not tell you…you're the best lover I've ever had."

Derek smiled as he leaned down to press a kiss to her neck. "You too, Mer," he whispered. "And we will be happy, I promise. It might be hard at times, but as soon as we come clean and be honest about things, we'll start a real relationship. And we'll be happy."

"I hope so," she whispered, turning to kiss him softly. "It would be a shame to lose this."

Derek tightened his arms around her. "We won't," he promised. "As long as we both work to keep this, we'll never lose it."

She wanted to tell him. In that moment, she wanted to tell him that she loved him because everything inside of her was screaming at her to do so. But she couldn't. She couldn't tell him that when she was thinking about breaking up with Nathan and wondering exactly how he was going to react. It was going to be hard, she knew that he wasn't going to react well. But Derek had promised her that it would be worth it, and she trusted him. She knew it would all work out for the best, even if it was going to be harder than she thought. But she was doing this for Derek, and that was all that mattered.

She turned to curl into his arms, squeezing her eyes closed and inhaling deeply, trying to make sure that she memorized everything about this moment. She wasn't sure when she would have it again.


	11. Chapter 11

Derek's heart was pounding as he looked at the ceiling of the elevator. He and Meredith had arrived back in Seattle just over two hours ago, and after receiving their bags they had parted ways. Now he was here, about to walk into his apartment and break up with his girlfriend of two years

The weekend had been entirely amazing. He knew they'd been wrong, that they probably should have had enough will power to hold off until they were both single again. But Meredith had been so tempting, and they had somehow ended up in bed together for almost the entire weekend. And now he was falling for her. Hard and fast, Derek Shepherd was falling for Meredith Grey, but he owed it to both her and Tiffany to break things off with Tiffany before they pursued anything. He just wasn't sure exactly how he was going to do this, but he had to. Tiffany wasn't right for him, he'd known that for awhile now. But now he had a reason to find the courage to do what he had wanted to for months. Meredith gave him the strength to do what he needed to and make himself happy.

With a long, deep inhale, he pushed the door to their apartment open and strode purposely into the apartment. "Tiffany?" he called, setting his suitcase aside and moving into the living room. "Are you home?"

"Here!" she called from the bathroom, and a moment later the door opened, revealing her wrapped in her bathrobe. "I wasn't expecting you so early, but I'm glad you're home. I missed you."

"I decided not to go to the hospital," Derek said, stepping closer. "I um…I have something I need to talk to you about."

"Is everything okay?" Tiffany frowned as she looked at him carefully. "You're acting strangely."

"Yeah, everything's fine, I just…"

"Well, good. I'm glad you're home so early, because I have this dinner reception that I need to go to for work. I was just getting ready, but now that you're here too you can be my date. Black tie, so get your tux out."

"Tiffany, I'm not sure that's a good idea," he said carefully.

"Of course it is," she shrugged, moving back into their room. "I hope your tux is clean."

"I'm not wearing my tux anywhere," Derek said firmly. "I really need to talk to you."

"We'll talk later," Tiffany promised. "Come on, Derek, we need to get going. I can't be late, and I'm so glad you can come so I don't have to keep explaining why my boyfriend isn't with me."

"Tiffany, I'm trying to talk to you about something more important than that," Derek searched his brain for a way to phrase what he wanted to say. He really wanted to just say goodbye, grab his things and go, but he couldn't do that to her.

"Than my job?" she asked. "Derek, this is my career. I'm about to make partner, I need to talk to the retiring partner so I can get an edge up."

"Well, you're going to have to do it without me," Derek said.

"Why?" Tiffany frowned. "You're here, don't tell me you have to go into the hospital for something, you just got home."

"I'm not in love with you anymore."

Tiffany froze, her back facing him as she met his gaze in the mirror. She was entirely silent as she stared at him for a long moment. "What are you talking about?" she finally whispered.

"I'm sorry," he sighed. "I didn't want to say it to you that way, I really didn't. But I just…I can't keep living like this. I can't live this façade of being happy, and I don't think it's fair for you to live like that either."

"Derek," Tiffany breathed, finally turning to look at him. "Last week, you begged me not to dump you because you were afraid of losing me. And now you're dumping me? That doesn't make any sense."

"I know," he sighed, turning away from her and running a hand through his hair. "I guess…we took this weekend to get some clarity about our lives. I got that clarity, it's just not what I expected."

"That you don't love me," Tiffany whispered, and he could hear something in her voice. Something vulnerable and sad, that he wasn't sure he had ever heard from her before. He turned back to look at her with concerned eyes, guilt filling his heart as he watched her try to hold back the tears that were gathering in her eyes.

"Tiff," he sighed, stepping closer to her.

"Don't," she whispered. "Derek, I…I can't right now."

"I'm sorry," he finally said. "I never wanted to hurt you, and I want you to know that I do think you're a wonderful, beautiful person. Just not the person for me."

"Thank you," she whispered, sitting down on the bed and wrapping her arms tightly around her. "And I…I guess the weird thing is that you're right."

"I'm right?" Derek frowned. "What do you mean?"

"Now that you've pointed it out," Tiffany said softly. "I don't think I love you as much as the idea of you."

"That's exactly what I'm saying," Derek whispered, sitting down beside her and wrapping an arm around her. "But I don't regret our relationship or anything about it. It's been fun."

"It has," Tiffany said, smiling through her tears to look at him. "What are you going to do now?"

"I'm staying here," Derek said, looking down at his hands. "I um…Tiff, there's something else you should know. I hate this part, but you deserve to know the whole truth, so I just have to tell you. But now that I know how you feel, it's a little easier at least."

"What is it?" she asked, fear filling her eyes as she looked at him carefully.

"I slept with someone," he whispered, hating the words that were coming out of his mouth. He didn't regret the weekend at all, but now that he was back in the real world he really didn't like the fact that he was a cheater. "In LA. That's how I came to realize that we're not in love, because I slept with someone else."

She was silent for a moment before she stood and moved towards the door, her back facing him.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "Because you deserve better than that."

"Get out," she shook her head, her body hunched over. "Derek, please…I can't do this. Just get out."

"Okay," he sighed, reaching out to rest his hand on her shoulder, but suddenly thinking better of it. "I'm sorry."

"Go," she whispered, and he surrendered, turning to walk out of the bedroom and out of the apartment, a weight suddenly lifted off of his shoulders. He didn't feel all the way better, he still felt guilty about hurting Tiffany. But that would fade, and Meredith would help with that guilt. For now, he had to head to the Archfield and book a room to stay in until he found a place to live. He pulled his phone out of his pocket, checking to make sure that he hadn't missed any calls from Meredith, then made sure it was on vibrate so he wouldn't miss her. He smiled as he walked down the street, knowing that he was going have a much brighter day as soon as he got her phone call.

XXXXX

The apartment was silent as Meredith pushed the door open. She let out a deep breath of relief as she shrugged out of her coat, knowing that Nathan must not have been home. At least that bought her some time to get her things together and figure out exactly what she wanted to say to him. Then maybe it wouldn't be so hard when he got home and she had to tell him she was leaving.

"Meredith?"

She jumped as she heard him call her name from the living room. Apparently he was home after all. She squeezed her fists tightly and looked up at the ceiling, trying to gather strength for what she was about to do. Then she moved into the living room, frowning at the sight before her. Nathan was sitting silently in the corner of the couch, a beer bottle in his hands. The room was completely dark, and he slowly turned to look at her. "Nathan?" she asked. "Are you okay?"

"You're home," he stated.

"Yeah, my flight just landed," Meredith said, reaching for the light. He looked even worse when the room was illuminated. His eyes were red and bloodshot, and his face was scratchy, looking like he hadn't shaved since she'd been gone. "What's wrong?"

"I tried calling you," he said. "Your phone was off."

Meredith felt slightly sick. She and Derek had turned their phones off for that reason; they hadn't wanted their constant sex to be interrupted by Nathan or Tiffany. But now it was obvious that her boyfriend had needed her, and instead of being there for him she'd been at the height of pleasure brought on by their mutual friend. She was a horrible, awful person. "What is it?" she asked, sitting down beside him on the couch.

"My dad had a seizure," Nathan said softly.

"Oh my God," she breathed. "Is she okay?"

"We don't know," Nathan said. "She's unconscious, the doctors are trying to figure out what's bringing it on, but…they have no idea what it is."

"Nathan," she breathed, reaching for her hand. "I'm so sorry. Do you want me to look at her chart?"

"No," he inhaled deeply. "This whole weekend, the only thing that has been getting me through is knowing that you were going to come home, that you would be able to help me through this."

Meredith nodded slowly. He was a mess right now, understandably so. But there was no way that she could follow through with her plan right now, not when he was so vulnerable and broken. "I will," she promised softly. "I'll be there for every step of the way. Is she at Grace?"

"Yeah," he whispered. "Betsy's there with her now."

Apparently his sister had even flown in from Boston. She definitely couldn't break up with him now, that might kill him. "I'll make sure the chief looks at her case," she promised. "And I'll be with you through this, I promise."

"Thank you," he whispered, turning to look at her with tear filled eyes. "I don't know what I'd do without you, Meredith."

She swallowed the nausea in her stomach, but reached out to stroke his hair. "You won't have to," she said softly. "I'm just going to go call the hospital, okay? I'll get you something to eat to, and then we can talk."

"Meredith," he grabbed her hand and leaned in close. "I know you wanted something special, and you asked me to wait, but I can't. Life is too short, and I can't wait anymore. Tell me you'll marry me."

She wanted to ask him to wait until he was in a better frame of mind, until he could really think about things. But his eyes were so vulnerable, waiting for some good news, for something to look forward to. And even if she wasn't sure, even if she thought she had feelings for Derek Shepherd, she couldn't let Nathan down. She smiled slightly as she leaned in closer to him. "Where's the ring?" she asked.

Nathan smiled brightly and leaned in to kiss her, one hand moving to her hair. "Thank you," he whispered. "I love you."

Meredith pulled back slightly. "You too," she whispered, unable to actually say the words to him.

"Here," Nathan whispered, reaching for the end table and pulling the ring out of the box, sliding it onto her finger. She held up her hand for inspection, trying not to wince at the extra weight it added. "It looks good."

"It does," she smiled slightly. "I um…I'll call the hospital and get you something to drink. Is water okay?"

"I think I need another beer," Nathan sighed as he downed the last of his bottle.

Meredith bit her lower lip, her eyes trailing over the five bottles already sitting on the coffee table. "Nathan, I don't know…"

"Mer, I need it," he whispered. "My mom…I need to hide for a little bit."

With a reluctant nod, Meredith leaned in to press a kiss to his forehead. "Okay," she said softly. "I'll be right back."

Her hands were shaking as she made her way into the kitchen. Making sure that Nathan couldn't hear her, she turned on the radio then hopped onto the counter, twirling her cell phone around in her hands. She knew that she had to call Derek, that she couldn't lead him on anymore than she already was. He had probably already broken up with Tiffany, and she was going to have to tell him that she, instead of breaking up with Nathan, had accepted his marriage proposal. He was going to be devastated, and once he got over that he was going to be pissed. She knew that, and she didn't want to hurt him. But she had to. She couldn't leave Nathan right now, not when he was in such a fragile place. It wasn't exactly what she wanted to do, but she did care for him. She had spent two years with him, and he had been the first person who had ever loved him. She couldn't dump him right now, when he needed her so badly.

With a deep breath, she dialed Derek's number and held the phone up to her ear, silently hoping that he would answer and tell her that he had changed his mind, that he wanted to stay with Tiffany and forget that their weekend together ever happened.

"Hey," his voice came over the line, lighter than she had ever heard it. "How did it go?"

"Derek," she breathed, squeezing her eyes closed. "I need to tell you…"

"Tiffany took it a lot better than expected," Derek interrupted her. "I think she knew it was coming, but she didn't really protest as much as I thought she would."

"That's good," Meredith breathed. "But Derek…"

"I'm on my way to the Archfield," he continued. "I figured I would check us into a suite until we can figure out our next steps."

"Derek, there aren't going to be any next steps," she said gently.

"We can probably get an apartment for a few…" his voice trailed off, and she could feel him processing her words over the line. "What do you mean, Mer?"

"When I got home," she started. "Nathan told me his mom is unconscious. She had a stroke, and she hasn't woken up yet. He's so upset, I couldn't break up with him."

"Meredith," he sighed. "I…okay."

"Okay?" Meredith frowned. She hadn't been expecting him to take it that easily. "You're not mad?"

"Disappointed," Derek conceded. "But I understand that you can't hurt him right now. I'll wait."

Meredith's heart sank in her chest. He didn't understand. "Derek, it's not going to happen," she said.

"It doesn't matter how long, I'll wait until you feel like he can handle it," Derek continued. "It will be hard, but worth it."

"I told him I would marry him," she blurted out.

He was silent on his edge of the phone for several moments, and she lifted the phone from her ear, thinking that he had hung up on her. But then she heard his voice ask gently, "Why would you do that?"

"Because it's what he needed to hear," Meredith whispered.

"So you're willing to make yourself miserable because he wants you to marry him?" Derek asked.

"No," Meredith said. "He's my boyfriend, Derek. The only person who has ever cared about me, and I can't just let him down when he needs me the most."

"I care about you," Derek argued. "We had a plan, Meredith."

"I know that," she said. "And don't think I don't feel bad, because I do. But if you had gotten home and Tiffany had told you that her father was dying, would you have been able to tell her?"

Derek sighed into the phone, and after a moment he said, "No, I wouldn't have. But I also wouldn't have promised her forever because she was upset."

"Derek, that's none of your business," Meredith said. "I'm sorry, I really am. Especially that you ended things with Tiffany for nothing. But I can't do this, I can't leave him."

"So what about this weekend?" Derek demanded, his voice shaking. "Did that mean anything to you?"

"Of course," Meredith whispered. "This weekend was amazing, I will always remember it. But that's what it is, a memory."

"Please don't do this, Mer," Derek said, the anger faded from his voice and now replaced with desperation. "Please don't give up on us."

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I…I'll see you at the hospital. Dr. Shepherd."

"Meredith…" she didn't listen to the rest of his words as she gently hung up her phone, dropping it onto the counter and burying her face in her hands. She couldn't cry, not now. Nathan was waiting for her, and he would notice that something was wrong. She had to be strong, she had to make sure that he had everything he needed. Later, when she was alone in the apartment, she could let herself cry and convince herself that she hadn't just made the biggest mistake of her life.


	12. Chapter 12

Derek wasn't sure how he felt about going into work today. He was exhausted, his head pounding in response to the alcohol he'd consumed the night before. But what was hurting worse than his head was the knowledge that Meredith had dumped him. They'd had a plan, they were going to be together. And he had even understood when Meredith had told him that she couldn't dump Nathan when his mother was in a coma. He would have done the same thing if he had come home to that kind of news from Tiffany. But what he couldn't understand was why she had agreed to spend forever with a man who, twenty four hours earlier, she had said that she didn't even love anymore. It didn't make any sense to him, and he had already wasted too much energy trying to understand it.

So here he was, changing into his scrubs and determined to think about something besides Meredith. Surgery was always a good option, and although he didn't have anything scheduled for the day, he had heard rumors of a new patient, having seizures without any obvious cause. That sounded promising, and there was always the off chance that a bus would flip over, giving him lots of fun surgeries to focus on. He knew Meredith wasn't working today, so all he had to do was think like a doctor.

"Dr. Shepherd?" there was a knock at the door and he pulled it open to reveal one of an intern, whose name he couldn't remember, standing in front of him and clutching a chart to her chest. "I um…I've been assigned to your service today. I've looked over the chart, so I thought I would pass it back over to you."

"Thanks, Dr. Felmming," Derek sighed, taking the chart out of her hands and looking it over. "When did she come in?"

"Two days ago," Dr. Flemming reported. "She had a grand mal seizure at home, her son brought her in and she's been unconscious ever since the seizing stopped. It was thought to be a ruptured aneurysm at first, but the scans came back clear. No blood cots, no aneurysms, no tumors. Everything is clear."

"Great," Derek sighed, flipping the chart closed. "I want new scans done right after I check on her and monitor her stats."

"Dr. Shepherd, these scans are less than twelve hours old…"

"And I want new ones done," Derek snapped. "Book the rooms and you will be allowed to scrub in if she needs surgery."

Dr. Flemming looked surprised for a moment before she nodded. "Of course, Dr. Shepherd," she said before she turned and hurried out of his office.

Derek ran a hand through his hair, took a deep breath, and then stepped out into the hall. He knew he looked like a mess, but at the moment he didn't care. The hospital gossip mill was probably going crazy right now, but all he wanted to do was be a doctor. He wanted to be a doctor and think about nothing but scans and surgeries rather than Meredith and disappointment.

"Who are you?" a voice came from the bed beside his patient, and he raised his eyes to meet the gaze of a petite blonde woman, about his age. Her blonde hair was pulled into a ponytail and her eyes were rimmed with red.

"Derek Shepherd," he said, reaching his hand out to shake hers. "Head of neurosurgery, I'm going to be the primary surgeon until we can figure out what's wrong."

"I'm Betsy Lambert," she said. "This is my mom. Katherine. She's been unconscious for days now."

"I've been briefed on the case," Derek nodded. "But I want to run some more scans and see if anything has changed. I'm the best neurologist on this side of the country, I promise if whatever is wrong with your mother can be treated I am the best option you have."

"Thank you," Betsy whispered. "I just…it's my mom. I can't imagine her not being here."

Derek swallowed hard, knowing that he would feel exactly the same pain if his mother was lying unconscious in the hospital for unknown reasons. "I will do the best I possibly can," he said, reaching to rest a hand on her shoulder. "I'm going to take her for tests now. Maybe you should get something to eat, get out of the hospital for some fresh air."

Betsy stretched her arms over her head before she looked down at her watch. "My brother's going to be here in half an hour," she said. "Maybe I'll run to the hotel and get some sleep while he's here with her."

"I'll make sure that he contacts you if there is any change at all," Derek promised before he set the stretcher into motion.

"Thanks Dr. Shepherd," Betsy said, and with a polite nod he moved the bed out of the room and towards the elevators.

The tests were, as he had been warned, inconclusive. As much as it frustrated him that he couldn't easily identify any clots or aneurysms, he was glad for the distraction from thinking about Meredith and her rejection of him. Instead of wallowing in self pity and wishing for a good scotch, he could throw himself into figuring what was wrong with his patient. He'd promised her daughter that he would do the best he could to figure out what was wrong with her, and he wouldn't leave the hospital until he had done so.

He ordered an intern to bring Katherine back down to her room as he reviewed the scans one last time, positive that there was something he had missed. Carefully holding each scan up to the light board, he spent a good five minutes examining each of them before he finally saw it.

In her left parietal lobe, a blood clot was forming. It was barely recognizable, and if he hadn't been examining it with such scrutiny he would probably have missed it. But he turned to grab the scans from the day before and nodded in confirmation. Although the clot was still tiny, it was twice the size it had been the day before and would probably continue to grow. If he didn't evacuate it soon she would be brain dead within the next forty eight hours.

With an imaginary pat on the back, he grabbed the scans and hurried down to Katherine's room. He opened the door and smiled at Betsy, his face falling into disbelief as he met the faces of the other two people in the room.

Meredith and Nathan were sitting on the opposite side of the bed from him, her hand working in small circles over his back as he held his mother's hand. When their eyes met, Meredith's were full of desperation and regret, and she shook her head slightly before nodding at Nathan. Knowing that she was asking him not to make a big deal out of things right now, Derek took a deep breath and tried to remain as professional as possible.

"Nathan," he said. "Meredith. I didn't realize you were related to Katherine."

"She's my mom," Nathan whispered, and Derek couldn't help but feel sorry for him. He would barely be able to hold it together if his own mother was lying unconscious in a hospital bed. "Have you figured out what's wrong with her?"

"A tiny blood clot is forming in the left parietal lobe," Derek cleared his throat. "It's extremely rare that such a small clot can cause seizures, but it's in just the right place to cause the seizing. It's getting bigger, so we need to operate as soon as possible."

"Brain surgery?" Betsy whispered, looking at Nathan. "That's…really big."

"What's her risk?" Nathan asked. "If she has the surgery?"

"It's fairly routine," Derek said. "I've done this surgery countless times before, but every surgery has its risks, especially brain surgery. But I can tell you that it's necessary for her to have the surgery. If she doesn't, she will become brain dead within the next forty eight hours."

"Derek," Meredith snapped, frowning at him.

He fought the urge to roll his eyes. He'd known that he was being a bit more frank than would be considered appropriate, but he was losing patience with the situation. He'd been trying to focus on this case in order to get his mind off of Meredith, but apparently that wasn't going to happen. Now all he wanted was to get this over with.

"Brain dead," Betsy whispered. "We have to do this, Nate."

"I know," Nathan whispered, and turned to look at Meredith. "Mer…you're a neurosurgeon. This is the right thing to do?"

"Yes," she whispered, her hand reaching for his before she quickly looked at Derek and instead reached to squeeze his forearm instead. "Nathan, this is what you have to do. And Derek is the best, you know that."

"Okay," Nathan said, glancing up at Derek. "I um…what do I need to do? Sign papers or…I have to be able to do something?"

Derek reached for the chart at the end of the bed. "I'm going to schedule an OR for this afternoon," he said. "The only thing you can do now is wait. I'll have my resident come down to prepare her for surgery once the OR is booked."

"Thank you," Nathan said, standing and reaching his hand out for Derek to shake. "You don't know what this means to me. So thank you, Derek, from the bottom of my heart."

Derek stared at Nathan's outstretched hand for a long moment, wanting nothing more than to punch him in the face. But instead his nodded his acknowledgements and ignored the extended hand. "I'll see you after her surgery," he said, snapping the chart closed and storming out of the room.

Once safely around the corner, he leaned against the wall and squeezed his eyes closed, wondering if this was some kind of karma for cheating on Tiffany. He needed this day to be over with so he could go back to his hotel room and drink a nice tall glass of scotch. And eventually he was going to have to figure out a way to be around Meredith without being completely out of sorts, he couldn't let this get in the way of his career. But that could come later. Right now, all he needed was to get through the day so he could drink his scotch.

"What the hell was that?"

Meredith's voice pulled him out of his thoughts, and he opened his eyes wearily to look at her standing in front of him, hands on her hips as her eyes flashed in anger.

"What was what?" he asked.

"You're being a complete ass," Meredith snapped. "You and Nathan are supposed to be friends."

"Forgive me, but I don't really have much interest in being friends with him," Derek said.

"You can't act differently," Meredith insisted. "You have to act the same as you did before, he's going to get suspicious."

"I'm sorry, but I can't do that," Derek said. "Before I wasn't in…."

"Don't," Meredith snapped, and he thought for a moment he saw tears shining in her eyes. But then she blinked and the tears were gone. "Don't say that, Derek. All I need you to do is act like a normal person, not an ass."

"I don't have time for this," Derek rolled his eyes as he turned away from her and stormed down the hallway. "I have lives to save."

"I'm coming with you," she insisted, following him down the hall.

"Oh no you're not," Derek shook his head, not bothering to slow his strides so she could catch up.

"Derek, I'm a neuro resident," she said. "I'm scrubbing in."

"No way in hell is that happening," he said, stopping briefly to look at the OR board before he resumed his stride towards the scrub room.

"Just because you're mad at me, that doesn't give you the right to tell me that I can't scrub in," Meredith said. "She needs me in there."

Derek braced himself over the sink for a moment, trying to gain the strength not to yell at her, to tell her what was really going on in his head. He took a moment to squeeze his eyes closed tightly before he turned back to look at her. "Family," he said. "Stays in the OR."

"I'm not family," Meredith insisted.

"That," Derek stated, pointing down to her left hand where the large diamond was sparkling even in the dull light of the scrub room. "Tells me that this woman is going to be your mother in law. So no, I will not have you breathing down my neck in my OR. Not after everything you've put me through this week."

Meredith pulled her hand out of his sight, hiding it behind her back for a moment as she looked at him. "Derek," she whispered. "I'm sorry."

Derek didn't look at her as he reached to start washing his hands. "Nothing to be sorry for," he said simply, paying more attention to washing under his fingernails than he really needed to. "As long as you're happy."

"Derek…" her words were drowned out by the sound of the heart monitor beeping loudly from the OR.

"Dr. Shepherd, she's seizing," Dr. Fleming reported as she ran into the scrub room. "We need you."

"Damn it," Derek sighed, running into the OR to bring Katherine back to life, hoping that it wasn't too late.

XXXXX

His hands were shaking as he moved towards the waiting room, knowing that this wasn't going to be easy. Not only was he going to have to see Meredith and Nathan together as he informed them of the surgery, but he was going to have to watch her comfort him. She was going to be touching him and maybe even kissing him, and he wasn't sure that he could handle that. Not after a surgery that had been touch and go for two and a half long hours that seemed more like two and a half days. He was hungry, tired, and fighting a migraine, and it was all he could do to keep his breakfast down when he rounded the corner and saw Meredith sitting beside Nathan in the waiting room, her head resting on his shoulder as her hand clasped his tightly. He was staring straight ahead of him, not even looking at Meredith or accepting the comfort that she so obviously

"Derek," Nathan breathed, standing and causing Meredith to collapse the second he laid eyes on him. "What happened? Is she going to be okay?"

"Why don't we sit down," Derek suggested, sitting down and gesturing for Nathan and Betsy to do the same.

"Why?" Betsy whispered. "Is she…she's not…she's going to be okay? Please tell me she's going to be okay."

"She's in recovery," Derek nodded. "We got the clot evacuated, and we're going to continue to monitor her until she wakes up. There were some hard moments, she began seizing just before we put her under, but I don't anticipate any complications. All we have to do now is wait for her to wake up."

"But she's going to wake up," Nathan stated.

"I can't guarantee anything, but things look good," Derek said. "Barring any complications, she will be fine."

"Thank you," Nathan said softly. "Derek…you have no idea what this means to us."

Derek nodded as he got to his feet. "I do," he said. "If this had been my mother, I probably would have been even more worried than you were."

"I don't think that would be possible," Nathan said. "But thank you. I don't know what I can do to show how grateful I am."

Derek opened his mouth to respond, but then his gaze caught on Meredith, whose own eyes were begging him to be nice. He swallowed hard, knowing that he had to make her happy, even if it was the hardest thing he would ever have to do.

"Take care of Meredith," he requested. "She's the best resident I've got, I don't want to see her being taken advantage of."

Nathan smiled as he reached to wrap his arm around Meredith's waist, pulling her closer to him. "That's an easy request," he said. "I've already done that."

Derek nodded as he turned to walk away. "They'll let you in one at a time," he said. "I'll be back to check on her this evening."

"I'll go first," Nathan said. "I'll be fast, Bets."

"Go ahead," Betsy sighed. "I should probably call to check in at home anyways."

Nathan nodded, giving Meredith's hand a squeeze before he turned to walk towards the elevators, leaving the two of them alone. Derek looked at her carefully for a moment before he turned to walk away, fully intending on treating her like the family of any other patient he had dealt with in the past. But then he felt her hand on his arm, and he couldn't help but turn to look at her.

"Thank you," she said so softly that he could barely hear her. "I know…you didn't have to do that. You could have given the case to someone else, you could have told Nathan what happened. I know I snapped at you earlier, but you didn't deserve it. So I'm sorry. For snapping and for everything."

Derek nodded slowly. Her words actually meant more than he thought they would have. "Thank you," he said. "But honestly Mer…Meredith, all I want is for you to be happy. I'm sorry that I can't do that for you."

If he hadn't known better, he would have said that her eyes were shining with tears for a moment before she blinked them away. "It's not that, Derek," she whispered. "I just…Nathan needs me. I have to respect that."

"I know," Derek sighed. "I'm doing my best to respect that too. But until I can come to peace with it, don't take it personally if I don't put you on my service for awhile. I just…can't do what I need to if you're constantly with me."

Meredith nodded slowly, although he could see the disappointment in her face. "Okay," she sighed. "I should um…see if I can go check on Nathan."

"You should," Derek nodded carefully. "I'll see you around, Dr. Grey."

"Bye Dr. Shepherd," she whispered.

With a deep breath, Derek turned and walked away from the waiting room, wanting nothing more than to go home and drink a nice tall glass of scotch. But unfortunately, life had other plans for him.

"Derek!" he heard Richard call from behind him, and he fought the urge to groan out loud. "How was LA?"

Figuring the response that he wanted to say would be entirely inappropriate, he decided to go with a more professional answer. "It was fine," he said. "Very interesting procedures proposed. I have some notes about what we can bring to Grace if you want to look them over."

"I have a better idea," Richard said. "I have to take vacation time. My niece is graduating from college, which means that we have to go down to Portland to spend the week doing some kind of family celebration thing. But the board wants to hear about the conference by next Tuesday. Which means you and Grey have a week to put together a presentation that will ensure that we get the funding we need to get these procedures up and running at Seattle Grace."

"You want me and Grey to put a presentation together," Derek stated. "Of course."

"She's on your service for the rest of the week," Richard said. "I want this presentation to be perfect, Derek. For the next week, the two of you are going to be eating, breathing, and working together. All day, every day."

"Excellent," Derek murmured.

"This is not optional," Richard said. "You know that when you go on a conference you have to report back to me and the board."

"I know," Derek said.

"Thank you," Richard said with a nod. "And you might want to tell Dr. Grey's fiancé to watch out. She's going to be spending more time with you than him in the next week."

It was all Derek could do to wait until Richard walked away to roll his eyes and turn back to the nurse's station, wondering what in the world he had done to deserve such torture.


	13. Chapter 13

"Dr. Shepherd?" Meredith knocked softly on the open doorway of his office. "Dr. Webber said you wanted to see me?"

Derek didn't look up from his paperwork as he answered her. "Dr. Grey," he acknowledged. "We need to prepare a presentation on our conference."

"Oh," Meredith nodded, wondering why she had hoped that she would have actually been assigned to his service. "Okay."

"By Tuesday."

"Tuesday?" Meredith exclaimed. "It's Wednesday, we can't prepare an entire presentation for the board by then."

Derek finally looked up at her, his gaze no longer warm and inviting, but hard and professional. "Do you have a problem completing the work that is required of you, Dr. Grey?" he asked. "Because if you're not interested in doing your job, I can talk to the Chief and let him know."

"Of course not," Meredith said quickly. "I just…it's going to take a lot of time."

"Yes, well, you'll be happy with the overtime paycheck when it comes," Derek sighed, reaching for a file folder. "Let's get started."

"Now?" Meredith asked.

"From this moment on," Derek nodded. "We are going to make sure that this presentation is perfect. We will not be scrubbing in, and we'll be here late. This has to be perfect so we can be sure to get the funding for these procedures here."

"Oh," Meredith nodded. "Okay."

"I suggest you get your notes," Derek said, his gaze going back to the papers in front of him.

Meredith looked at him for a moment, contemplating whether she should do what she really wanted to. But then she thought about how they were going to have to work side by side for the next week. They were going to snap at some point if they didn't talk things out now, so she might as well just save herself some stress and address the issues now. She knew she was the one who had hurt him, so that meant that she should be the one to make things right again. She turned to slam the door shut, and when she met Derek's eyes again, they were a mix of confused and surprised.

"We need to talk," she said.

"No," Derek said firmly. "We need to work. Which is why you need to get your lecture notes."

"I am not going to work like this," Meredith ignored him and took a step closer to him. "And I don't think that you want to either. We need to look like we like each other at least a little bit when we make this presentation, which means that we need to talk. Now."

Derek rolled his eyes, but she could tell that she had gotten through to him. He obviously agreed with her point about putting up a united front for the sake of their presentation. "Fine," he said. "What do you want to talk about?"

"I'm sorry," she said softly. "I know…it doesn't fix anything, but I am sorry, Derek. Sorry that I led you on, sorry that I couldn't follow through with my promise. And I'm sorry that you broke up with Tiffany for nothing."

Derek sighed as he reached up to run a hand through his hair. "I'm not," he said. "Tiffany and I had been kidding ourselves for a long time. That's not what I regret."

"What do you regret?" she asked softly, taking a tentative seat on the chair across from his desk.

"I regret that I'm not enough to make you happy," Derek said, his eyes focusing on the wall behind her. "I regret that there is someone else that you would rather be with, that I can't be what you need."

Meredith's heart twisted in her chest and she fought every urge to simply run over to him and pull her into her arms, telling him that he was enough. But her left hand was weighted down by a diamond that was much to large, reminding her of Nathan. Nathan, who was at home already searching the internet for possible wedding locations and talking to his sister about the wedding dress that he wanted her in. She couldn't comfort Derek, not when Nathan was so close to breaking with everything that was going on in his life. So instead she leaned forward and offered Derek the bravest smile she could muster.

"I'm sorry that I hurt you," she repeated her earlier words. "I really am, Derek. Because you're my friend and I care about you. I don't want you hurting. But for the sake of our jobs and our patients…do you think we could at least try to be friends?"

"Friends," Derek repeated flatly. "You want to be friends."

"That's all we can be," Meredith said softly. "We need to forget about this weekend. It was amazing and wonderful, but…it wasn't real. So I'm asking you as a friend…please forget about everything that happened?"

"A friend," Derek sighed with a nod. "How about we start off as friendly coworkers and see where it goes from there?"

Meredith felt her heart squeeze slightly in her chest, but quickly pushed that feeling aside. She had been the one to hurt him, she had no reason to be the one feeling a pang in her chest when he had said that he wasn't ready to be friends with her yet. "Okay," she said. "Dr. Shepherd."

"Dr. Grey," he nodded, his eyes finally meeting hers as she stood. "You're ready to begin working on our presentation?"

"I'll be back in a few minutes," Meredith nodded. She turned and walked out the door, wondering if things between them had just gotten better or worse. Either way, they weren't dancing around each other any longer, and she knew where he stood. That had to mean something.

XXXXX

"I can't believe you've never done it!" Meredith giggled hours later from her place on his couch.

"I'm sorry if I don't like wasting my time," Derek replied from his spot behind his desk, feet propped up on the desk and a pile of papers in his lap. "I was busy learning how to save lives."

"Oh come on," Meredith rolled her eyes. "You're telling me you never had any fun?"

"I had fun," Derek defended. "Just not for the sake of my dignity."

"I visited New York for two days," Meredith stated. "And the number one priority was doing a fake audition on Broadway. It was hilarious."

"I'm sure," Derek shook his head.

"So you never auditioned for Broadway," Meredith sighed. "Did you do anything fun? Times Square on New Year's Eve? Macy's Parade?"

"Too crowded," Derek wrinkled his nose.

"Okay," Meredith side. "So what is the craziest thing you've ever done?"

Derek thought for a moment, tilting his head to the side as he did so, and Meredith couldn't help but notice how attractive he was. She knew she shouldn't be thinking it, she knew that she was lucky that they were even talking like friends and she didn't want to push it. But no woman was sane if she didn't think Derek Shepherd was entirely sexy when he thought hard, his eyes squinting and his hair shining slightly in the illumination of his office.

"I once rode my motorcycle through a police barricade," he offered.

Meredith raised an eyebrow. "You owned a motorcycle?" she asked, trying to suppress the warmth that was radiating through her body as she imagined Derek in a leather jacket, riding a motorcycle.

"I did," he said with a smile. "Does that qualify as crazy?"

"Not crazy, just…not Dereky," she shrugged.

"Dereky?" he asked, removing his feet from the desk and leaning towards her. "May I ask what does qualify as Dereky?"

"I don't know," she shrugged. "Brain surgery, fishing, cooking. But definitely not motorcycles."

"Well, apparently you don't know me at all," Derek said with a coy smile.

"Oh really?" Meredith asked. "Then where is the motorcycle now?"

The smile fell from Derek's face and he leaned back in his chair again. "I totaled it when I crashed into a tree," he conceded.

"And now you're all Dereky," Meredith said with a confident nod. "But we should probably continue working on this presentation."

"Right," Derek sighed, reaching for his paperwork. "What do we have so far?"

Before Meredith could answer, her cell phone vibrated from her pocket and she reached for it. She fought the urge to roll her eyes when she saw Nathan's name flashing across the screen. This was bad, she knew she shouldn't be marrying him if she was dreading his phone calls. But she also couldn't work up the courage to dump him when he was so unpredictable right now. "Hi," she sighed as she held the phone up to her ear, ignoring Derek's curious glance. "I'm at work, what's up?"

"I was just visiting Mom and I thought I would stop in and say hi," Nathan's voice came over the line. "What are you up to?"

"Just working on a presentation about the conference," Meredith said, meeting Derek's eyes as she thought about whether she even wanted to see him or not. He met her gaze evenly, telling her silently that she could take a break if she wanted to. "I don't know if I can get away," she heard herself say into the phone. "I'm sorry, but we're really swamped with this work, and we need to get it done." Derek's eyes registered surprise, and she tried to ignore the pleasure that she saw reflected in his gaze.

"Oh," Nathan sighed. "Okay, I'll just head back to the office then. Do you know what time you'll be home? I was thinking we could do something special. Now that Mom's doing better, we can really celebrate our engagement."

"Sure," Meredith sighed. "I'm not sure when I'll be home, but…I'll call when I know more."

"Sounds good," Nathan said. "Love you, Mer."

Meredith's heart clenched in her chest as she looked at Derek, who had turned back to his paperwork to give her the impression that he wasn't interested in her phone call. "Love you too," she whispered before she hung up the phone. "Sorry," she said to Derek.

"Not a problem," Derek cleared his throat, not looking up from his computer screen. "But let's get started for real, okay? No more distractions."

"No more distractions," Meredith sighed, moving from the couch to the chair in front of his desk where she could look at the computer screen to examine the slides he had created. She was acutely aware of his presence, and for the life of her, she could not stop the feeling of desire to creep down her spine.

XXXXX

It was late when Meredith pushed the door to her apartment open that night. She and Derek had been working hard on their presentation, and had only called it quits for the night after she had come close to falling asleep with her head on his desk. Now it was close to midnight and she was sure that Nathan would be in bed already. She'd called him earlier, feeling bad about cancelling his plans for a special dinner. But he had assured her that it was fine and he would see her when she got home.

"Mer?" his voice surprised her, coming from their bedroom and sounding faint.

"Yeah, it's me," she sighed as she shrugged out of her coat and hung it on the rack beside the door. "I would have thought that you would be asleep already."

"I waited up," he sighed, coming into the hallway and kissing her softly. "How's the presentation going?"

"Good," she sighed, leaning into his embrace, unable to hold herself up any longer. "We got it outlined, now we have to actually make it sound fancy and make the slides look presentable. But it's going well."

"That's good," Nathan said. "I have a bath drawn for you in the tub, and leftovers in the oven. I wasn't sure if you wanted any wine, but there is a bottle chilling in the fridge."

Meredith felt her heart melt at the compassion that she found in her fiancé's eyes. He had done everything he could to make sure she was happy and taken care of. He was a good man, and he really didn't deserve someone like her. She knew she was a cheater, and even if she had sworn to herself that she would never sleep with anyone besides Nathan again, she still felt a tingle in her spine whenever she was near Derek. That meant she was still a cheater, and Nathan deserved a woman who would never cheat on him, who would only feel her spine tingle when he was near. But she knew that explaining that would cause him to break, and she wasn't sure that she could even tell him what was going on in her head with her exhausted state.

"Thank you," she whispered, leaning up to kiss him softly. "I don't think I can drink any wine without passing out. But I will take you up on the bath and food."

"I thought so," Nathan smiled, reaching to intertwine their fingers. "Which first?"

She wrinkled her nose in thought for a moment. "It's not okay for me to say both, is it?" she asked.

Nathan laughed as he leaned in to kiss her. "You can have anything you want," he promised. "I'll get the food and meet you in the bath."

"Thank you," she sighed, moving through their bedroom to the bathroom, smiling at the soft candlelight and the tub full of bubbles. At the moment, nothing sounded better than soaking in the tub with some of Nathan's fantastic cooking.

"Care for some company?" she heard his voice say, and she sighed as she opened her eyes to see him standing beside the tub, already naked and prepared to climb in beside her. She wasn't sure that she wanted company, but he wasn't giving her much of a choice.

"Sure," she sighed, shifting in the tub to sit across from where he was sliding into the warm bubbles. She reached for the glass of wine sitting on the counter above her head, quickly downing it before she leaned her head back, allowing herself to soak, her mind emptying into a blissful state of nothingness as she started to doze slightly.

"Do you want to do some celebrating?" she heard Nathan's voice breathe from across the tub, and she fought the urge to roll her eyes. He was obviously doing everything he could to take care of her, he obviously wanted tonight to be special, so she couldn't really say no. But that didn't change the fact that she was sitting in a bathtub with her fiancé, pretending she was with another man.

She and Nathan hadn't slept together since she'd returned from LA, and the last time she'd had an orgasm it had been because Derek had been careful and intimate in making love to her, ensuring that every inch of her skin had been caressed by his rough hands as he'd moved over her. She wasn't sure that Nathan be able to bring her the same pleasure that Derek had, but she could always pretend. She was going to marry Nathan, not Derek, and that meant that she would spend the rest of her life sleeping with him. It might as well start right now.

"Sure," she said, moving to straddle his lap on the other side of the tub, her lips edging closer to his.

"What are you doing?" he whispered, pulling back to look into her eyes.

"Celebrating," she breathed, trying to kiss him again.

"Mer," he laughed, reaching around her to unplug the drain. "Not here. We'll go to the bedroom."

Meredith stared at him for a moment, studying his face. Nathan had never been one for adventure in their sex life, but Derek had been willing to do almost anything. He'd even fucked her on the balcony of their hotel room, where it had been entirely possible that people could have seen them. But she needed to stop thinking about Derek and start focusing on her fiancé. Maybe he wasn't as adventurous as she wanted, but he did love her. He was good at taking care of her, and would be completely broken if she rejected him. So she smiled, kissed him, and climbed out of the tub before she took his hand and led him into the bedroom, determined to forget about Derek Shepherd for at least a few minutes of her day.


	14. Chapter 14

Derek had learned a long time ago that when people chose to become doctors, it came with an understanding that sleep was completely overrated. Now more than ever he knew this was true after spending the fourth night in a row attempting to sleep while staring at the ceiling of an on call room and he had decided that he might as well save some lives if he couldn't sleep. So he was sitting in the pit, suturing a college girl who had cut her forehead in a car accident, wishing that a massive head trauma would come in.

"There you go," he sighed, handing the girl a mirror to look at his work. "You'll need to come back in five days to check the stitches, but there shouldn't be any scarring. I'll check again when you come back."

"Thank you," she breathed, taking his card and moving towards the check out desk, leaving him alone in the pit.

Derek sighed as he began to change the paper on the bed, wondering how he had ended up here. After his internship he had sworn that he would never work the night shift in the pit again, but at the moment it sounded better than trying to sleep and thinking about Meredith, who was probably sound asleep with Nathan.

"Dr. Shepherd, you're still here?" a nurse asked as he approached the counter and signed off on a chart.

"Yes," Derek sighed. "I've been having trouble sleeping."

"I don't think I've seen you working the night shift in the entire time you've worked here," she commented. "Is everything alright?"

"Just a lot going on in my head," he sighed.

"I've got a break coming up in fifteen minutes," she said as she filed the chart he had handed her. "I'd be glad to buy you a coffee and offer a listening ear, if you're interested. You seem like you could use someone to talk to."

Derek looked at her for a moment, wondering whether he should take her up on her offer or not. She was obviously trying to be friendly, but he wasn't even sure if she was crossing the line of flirting or not. But then he remembered that there was no one waiting for him, that he was completely free to have coffee with whomever he wanted to. And it would be nice to talk to someone new, someone besides Mark who seemed to be the only friend he had anymore. She would offer him the kind of company he was missing.

"Sure, Laura" he said with a smile. "Let me just finish signing off on these charts, then we can head downstairs."

"Sounds good," Laura offered him a smile before she turned to file some papers. He allowed his eyes to travel over her body for a moment, and could appreciate her curves even through her scrubs. Maybe this was exactly what he needed, just someone to take his mind off all of the turmoil he'd been through over the past few weeks.

"Ready?" Laura asked, smiling as she looked up at him.

"Ready," he nodded, falling into step beside her. They were quiet as they made their way to the cafeteria, where he purchased two large coffees and led her to a table in the corner. He watched her carefully as she settled into the seat across from him, pulling one foot to rest on the chair and reaching around her knee to take the top off of her coffee.

"So," she finally said as she cupped the cup in her hands, absorbing the warmth. "Why have you been working night shifts all week?"

Derek thought for a moment, trying to figure out the simplest situation. "I broke up with my girlfriend," he said softly.

"Ah," Laura nodded. "Throwing yourself into work to distract yourself from what you're missing? I've been there."

"It's…not really working," Derek sighed.

"It will," Laura nodded. "It hasn't been too busy lately, but once there's a major pile up on the highway during shift change…then you won't think about her at all. It can get pretty crazy trying to sort everything out."

"I hope so," Derek sighed. "It's…I don't really know what to do without her." That was a lie, but he was finding himself lost without Meredith. He couldn't tell Laura about LA, so he just had to adjust the story accordingly.

A flash of recognition crossed over her face before she looked down into her coffee cup. "I'm sure it's hard," she finally whispered. "Breaking up…it shouldn't be as painful as it is."

"It definitely shouldn't," Derek sighed, taking a sip of coffee as he regarded her carefully. She was definitely attractive, with short black hair and eloquently carved facial features. Her eyes were brown and friendly, and there was something tempting about her lips. He wasn't sure if she was simply attractive now because she was here or if he had simply never noticed her before. He had usually tried to steer away from the night shift, but he was now glad that he had run into her. She was calm and relaxing, exactly what he needed.

"So what's your story?" he asked, leaning back in his chair. "You've been working the night shift for what…five years?"

"Going on six," she said with a slow nod.

"It's not exactly the best shift," Derek commented. "I thought the new nurses were the ones who were forced to take it."

"Yeah, well," Laura took a deep breath in. "My husband was killed in a car accident. He was transported to a hospital that didn't have enough night staff, and they couldn't save him in time. So now I work the night shift and every time someone comes in…it's someone's husband. Or daughter."

"Wow," Derek breathed, reaching across the table to touch her arm. "I am so sorry. It's hard to think of that every day."

"It was a long time ago," she shrugged sadly. "I don't want sympathy."

"I just…my problems aren't anything compared to what you've been through."

"It's not all that different," Laura said softly. "She's out of your life, even if it was your decision. But you're still lonely, I can see that in your eyes. And I'm lonely too. I hate to admit it, but I'm lonely."

Derek offered her a small smile. "Maybe we can be lonely together?"

Laura offered him a sly smile. "Looking for some rebound action?" she asked.

"No, I…I didn't mean it like that," Derek said quickly. "I would never think that about you. I just thought you could use some company."

"I know," Laura laughed as she leaned back into her chair. "I was teasing you, Derek…Dr. Shepherd."

"Derek," he said automatically. "And thanks, for that. It's been a long time since anyone has joked around with me."

"That's surprising," Laura said. "You seem like such an easy target."

Derek rolled his eyes, but couldn't deny the fact that he was enjoying Laura's company more than he thought he would. "So when would you like to be lonely together?"

Laura smiled softly. "Well, if you're not too tired after working the night shift, I have tomorrow night off."

"Sounds perfect," Derek smiled as he looked down at his beeping pager. "Want to meet at Joe's and we can go from there?"

"Seven thirty?" Laura suggested as she stood with him.

"Perfect," Derek flashed her a warm smile. "I've got to run, but if you have a chance stop by my office before you leave so we can check in?"

"I'll be sure to do it," Laura smiled. "Derek."

He turned to walk away, anticipation filling his stride as he thought that maybe he had just done what exactly what he needed to in order to make his life begin again.

XXXXX

"Morning."

Derek heard Meredith's familiar voice greet him later that morning as she arrived beside him at the nurse's station.

"Morning," he greeted her with a nod.

"You're here early," she commented, and he tried not to notice the sparkling on her left hand as she reached for a chart.

"Worked the night shift," Derek shrugged. "Can't say no to extra OR time."

"I wasn't paged," Meredith frowned. "Was there anything good?"

"No surgeries," Derek shook his head. "But I volunteered to be the neuro consult."

"Oh," Meredith nodded. "Well, are you ready to get to work on the presentation?"

"It's almost done," Derek sighed. "I have surgery this morning, how about I finish it up over lunch and then send it for you to look over?"

"Oh," Meredith blinked in surprise. "I…well, I can stay late tonight. How about we order in and go over it after our shifts end?"

"I've got plans for dinner," Derek said. "Sorry, Dr. Grey."

"I um…it's okay," Meredith said, obviously caught off guard.

In true perfect timing, Derek suddenly saw Laura approaching them over Meredith's shoulder. He offered her a warm smile and brushed past Meredith to meet her. He was very aware of Meredith's eyes watching him, and he couldn't help the urge to make her jealous. So he reached out to rest a hand on Laura's arm and flashed her his best flirting smile. "Your shift's over?" he asked.

"Yep," she said with a smile. "I was just coming to find you."

"I'm glad you did," he said. "I'm looking forward to tonight."

Laura looked at him closely for a moment, a smile playing on her lips. "Me too," she said. "I hope you get something good to operate on today."

"I've already got an aneurysm scheduled for eleven," Derek nodded. "Pretty routine, but still interesting."

"Good luck," she said, taking the smallest of steps closer to him. "I'll see you at Joe's later tonight."

"I'll be there," Derek smiled, squeezing her arm and watching her walk away, once again admiring her curves, newly accented by the jeans she was wearing. It would be fun to go out with her, to start moving on with his life instead of lamenting on what could have been with Meredith.

"You're going out with a nurse?" her voice came from behind him.

Derek turned to look at her, eyebrows raised expectantly. "Does that bother you, Dr. Grey?" he asked.

Meredith cleared her throat and looked down at her chart, shaking her head. "I don't care," she said. "I was just curious."

"I never took you for a gossip," Derek commented as he reached around her for a chart. "It doesn't suit you."

Meredith glared at him. "You have surgery," she informed him.

Derek laughed and moved around her towards the OR. "You're right," he said. "Have a great day, Dr. Grey."

He could almost feel Meredith roll her eyes, and he couldn't help the satisfaction he got out of it. He wasn't trying to use Laura to get back at Meredith, he just wanted someone to keep him company and had a feeling that she was looking for the same thing. But Meredith was obviously jealous, and that was just an added bonus. He wasn't going to have to work with her today, which meant that he could concentrate on surgery without being distracted by her perfume or the delicate way her hands were able to move through a brain without any hesitation. He was going to get back to his life, and make sure that Meredith didn't bring him down any longer.

His newfound confidence to not let Meredith distract him lasted about an hour, until he realized that the resident scheduled to scrub in with him had called in sick that morning. Because Meredith had been placed on scut that morning, Richard had sent her up to the OR with him, and now he was standing in front of an open brain, trying not to become distracted by the soft flowery smell washing over him from where Meredith was standing.

"Now," he cleared his throat as he addressed his entire team. "What's our next step, Dr. Grey?"

"You have to make sure that none of the blood vessels are intersecting with the aneurysm before you clip it," she reported.

"Exactly," Derek nodded, turning back to the brain in front of him and looking through the microscope to concentrate on the complex aneurysm.

"You know, there's something weird about her," Meredith's voice sounded from beside him.

"Mrs. Jones?" he asked, referring to the patient on their table. "I know, she's convinced that her husband is talking her from beyond the grave. But we still have to operate, no matter what she's hearing from the deceased."

"Not her," Meredith said. "Laura. The nurse."

Derek was silent for a moment as he worked his way around the aneurysm. "Is there something you want to say, Dr. Grey?" he asked.

"She only works nights," Meredith said. "Webber's been trying to get her to move to the evening shift, but she refuses. Who actually wants to work the night shift?"

"I don't believe that is any of your business," Derek said without lifting his eyes from the brain before him. "And it's certainly not appropriate conversation for the OR."

Meredith was silent, obviously processing his words before she asked, "Are you on the rebound?"

Derek was grateful that he had momentarily pulled his tools away from the brain he was operating on. "Dr. Grey," he said calmly. "This is entirely inappropriate. I need you to leave my OR right now."

Meredith stared at him for a moment before she tore off her gloves and stormed out the door. He glanced after her, watching as she scrubbed out and then slammed the door to the scrub room behind her. He shook his head slightly before he turned back to the surgery. He had made her jealous, that much was certain. He knew that shouldn't be why he was going out with Laura, but it did make him feel just the tiniest bit satisfied that Meredith was jealous. After everything she had put him through in the past week, she deserved to feel a little jealous.

And it was okay for him to be glad about that.

XXXXX

It was several hours later when Derek entered the bar, smiling widely as he spotted Laura sitting at the bar, a beer already sitting in front of her.

"Starting without me?" he asked, settling down onto the stool beside her and smiling as Joe placed a glass of scotch in front of him.

"Had to pass the time somehow," she flashed him a smile. "Did your surgery run over?"

"Sorry," Derek sighed. "I know it can be frustrating, but my patient couldn't wait until morning."

"I get it," Laura nodded. "Did he make it?"

"He did," Derek said. "I'm glad that you understand."

"I work at the hospital too," she shrugged. "But let's talk about something besides medicine."

"Favorite food?" Derek asked.

"Mexican," she replied. "Favorite band?"

"The Clash. Ice cream flavor?"

"Coffee."

"Well, it seems like we will get along just fine," Derek said, clinking his glass against hers. "Throw in some thriller movies and we've got a perfect evening."

"I agree," she said. She took another sip of her beer, examining him closely. "Can I ask you something?"

"Of course," he nodded.

"I know you just broke up with someone," she said. "And I just want to make sure that you're not looking for something serious. Because I'm not, and I think we can have fun together. But I don't want it to seem like I'm leading you on or anything. So before we do anything else, I want to put it out there, I'm just looking for fun."

Derek smiled as he leaned forward and took her hand. "That sounds perfect," he said.

And before he knew what was happening, her lips were on his, kissing him softly but passionately. He responded after a moment, pulling her closer and letting his hands rest on her hips. She felt good against him, not as good as Meredith, but it still felt nice. And he allowed himself to erase everything from his mind except the thought that a fun, flirty relationship with Laura was exactly he needed to get over Meredith Grey.


	15. Chapter 15

Meredith was not a jealous person. She had never been a jealous person, and she wasn't jealous now. She was with Nathan, she was happy with him, and they spent most of their evenings planning their wedding and their future together. He was researching where to buy houses in the area, she had gone to try on a wedding dress the week before, and his mother had healed almost completely from her surgery. Her life was perfect, and she had absolutely no reason to be jealous of the slutty nurse Derek was dating.

It had been two months since their conference in LA, and since then she and Derek had become friends again, at least in the working environment. But there was something about him that was getting on her nerves, about the phony smile that was always plastered on his face or the looks he gave Laura when he passed her in the hall. And Meredith had not been stupid enough to miss the coincidence of Derek volunteering to spend more nights as the neuro attending on call since he had started dating the nurse.

Meredith was not jealous, but she was concerned about Derek. He was acting different than she had ever seen him before. With Tiffany, he had been quiet, reserved, and somewhat boring. When he had been alone with her, he'd seemed relaxed and comfortable. But now, when she saw him with Laura, he looked like a teenage boy, fascinated by a girl for the first time. He had a phony smile on his face, he had a loud annoying laugh, and he couldn't seem to keep his hands off of her. She and Nathan had met at Joe's the night before, but she'd had to leave because she could see Derek and Laura at the end of the bar, his hands on her hips as they talked softly.

She wasn't jealous. She didn't get jealous. She was just concerned, and that was why she had to go talk to him. He wasn't acting like himself, and she didn't want to see him change. She couldn't stop him from being with anyone, she knew that. She was engaged, and she didn't want him to be alone. But Laura wasn't right for Derek. He had been hurting because of her and Tiffany, and he had reached out to the nearest woman he could find. It had been two months and enough was enough. She was going to put an end to this, and snap Derek back into reality. He was acting like a teenager, and she had to stop it.

She knocked quickly on his closed office door before pushing it open, frowning in surprise when the door didn't open. It was obviously locked, but the small yellow ribbon of light at the bottom of the door indicated that there was someone inside. So she raised a hand and knocked, calling his name softly. A later, a moment too long for what it took to walk from his desk to the door, he opened the door a tiny bit and offered her a small smile.

"Dr. Grey," he said, slightly breathlessly. "Is everything okay?"

"I…yes," she said. "I was just wondering…" she took in his slightly flushed face and messy hair and felt a wave of nausea wash over her. She wasn't an idiot, and she knew that Laura was probably waiting for him inside his office. "I wanted to know if you were going to do Michael Harper's scans or if I should just do them."

"Oh," Derek breathed, glancing over his shoulder for a moment before he offered her a quick smile. "You go ahead. Let me know if there's anything abnormal."

"Okay," Meredith nodded. "Do you…" she blinked in surprise as she realized that the door was already closed and she could hear Derek's laughter mixed in with very feminine giggles from the other side. She rolled her eyes, knowing that this could make this into a very awkward situation for him and his new girlfriend.

But she wasn't jealous, and there was no point in making a fool of herself when she wasn't jealous. So she would wait until Laura was away from Derek, and then she could talk some sense into him.

"Meredith!"

She turned as she heard her name being called, and plastered a fake smile on her face as she saw her fiancé approaching her. "Nathan," she breathed. "What are you doing here?"

"I just came to say hi," he said, leaning in to kiss her softly. "Are you busy?"

"No," she said, smiling softly. "Want to grab lunch?"

"Sounds perfect," he said, reaching for her hand as they made their way towards the cafeteria. "How's your day going?"

"Pretty good," Meredith said. "It's not too busy right now, I have some scans to do this afternoon but I don't think I'm going to make it into the OR today."

"I'm sorry," he said. "I know how much you love scrubbing in."

"It's okay," she said. "Sometimes days like this are good to just…think."

Nathan frowned and turned to look at her, his tray cradled in his hands. "You sound like you're doing some bad thinking," he said. "Is everything okay, Mer?"

"Yeah," she sighed. "I'm just..distracted."

"By what?" Nathan asked, handing the cashier some money and following her to a table.

"It's nothing," Meredith shook her head. "Just a lot of stuff filling my head."

"You know that's one of the nice things about having a fiancé who's willing to listen," Nathan said, reaching across the table to take her hand. "You can talk about all that stuff that's filling your head."

Meredith took her hand from his and reached for her fork to begin eating her salad. She wasn't sure how to talk to Nathan about Derek. Although he'd been a mutual friend of theirs, Nathan hadn't shown much interest in contacting either Derek or Tiffany since she'd returned from L.A. She didn't know how to tell him about her concerns without making it seem like she was jealous. Which she obviously wasn't.

"It's just…work stuff," she shook her head. "Complicated doctor stuff."

"You sure?" Nathan frowned as he examined her closely. "It seems like more than that."

Meredith chewed on her salad for a long moment before she leaned forward. She could be partially honest with him at least. "You know how Derek and Tiffany broke up?" she asked.

"Yeah, but that was months ago," Nathan said. "And it doesn't really effect us that much. Unless you're missing having a girlfriend around. I'm sure Tiffany would still want to hang out if you called her, you two were pretty close."

"No," Meredith shook her head, hoping that she hadn't responded too quickly. "It's not that. It's Derek. He's dating this…nurse who is entirely wrong for him. He's being completely irresponsible and not listening when anyone tells him that he needs to shape up."

Nathan looked at her carefully for a moment, and she felt scrutinized under his gaze, as if he could see everything she was thinking. She knew if he said she was jealous, which she definitely wasn't, she might lose it. She was concerned for a friend, nothing more, and she was tired of people thinking she was jealous. Because she wasn't.

"What's wrong with the nurse?" Nathan asked casually as he reached for a sip of his water.

Meredith blinked. "What?"

"Why's she so wrong for him?" Nathan prompted. "Obviously you're not the only one who thinks so, so what's wrong with her?"

"I just…" Meredith floundered, trying to think of something to describe Laura as being bad for Derek. But strangely enough, she couldn't think of anything. She was smart, and pretty, and Derek laughed a lot when he was around her. There was something wrong with her, she was not right for Derek, but Meredith just couldn't put her finger on it. "She's weird."

"Weird?" Nathan prompted, raising his eyebrows. He'd obviously been expecting something a little more elaborate. "How so?"

Meredith sighed, but before he could answer she raised her eyes to see Derek and Laura walking into the cafeteria together, not touching but still too close to be professional. Now she was in trouble.

"Oh look," Nathan said, his eyes changing from concern to curiosity. "There's Derek. And I'm assuming that's the nurse we don't like?"

Meredith stabbed a tomato with her fork as she watched Derek reach around Laura for a bottle of water. "Yep," she said flatly. "That's her."

"Let's call them over," Nathan said. "I haven't talked to Derek since he broke up with Tiffany. And I can see what you're talking about with the nurse."

"Oh, no, we don't have to do that," Meredith said quickly. "We should…we don't have to sit through that."

"I think it's too late," Nathan said with only a hint of regret as he met Derek's eyes from across the busy cafeteria.

"Why?" Meredith asked, her head flying around to watch Derek pay for his and Laura's meals and begin to lead her towards her table. "Damn it."

"She looks nice," Nathan commented, then frowned as her foot met his shin. "Ow! What was that for?" 

"Nathan," Derek smiled as he set his tray down beside his. "Nice to see you. It's been awhile."

"It has been," Nathan said, reaching to shake Derek's outstretched hand. "Good to see you again. Please join us."

"Thanks," Derek said, turning to Meredith. "Dr. Grey."

"Dr. Shepherd," she murmured. "Laura."

"Dr. Grey," she smiled, then turned to Nathan with a friendly smile and extended her hand. "Hi, I'm Laura."

"Nathan," he nodded, returning her smile. "Nice to meet you."

"So you're Dr. Grey's fiancé?" Laura commented.

"That's me," Nathan nodded. "We're planning on a ceremony for the fall."

Meredith fought the urge to choke on her bite of salad. They had never even discussed a date, but apparently Nathan already had more plans than she thought.

"The fall," Derek commented. "Interesting."

"How is that interesting?" Meredith narrowed her eyes at him from across the table.

"I just always pictured a spring wedding," Derek shrugged. "Outside, in the afternoon or maybe sunset. Nothing that's really a big deal, just friends and family. Maybe a barbeque or picnic afterwards."

Meredith swallowed hard, trying to forget about how incredibly perfect that sounded. It was definitely the kind of wedding she would have wanted to have. But she couldn't have that kind of wedding, not with Nathan planning the entire wedding and making sure that all of his colleagues were present and accounted for.

"In the fall there's the leaves," she heard herself say. "Leaves with color, and it's not too hot."

"And rain," Derek supplied.

"It's Seattle, it rains all the time," Meredith snapped. "The idea of an outdoor wedding in the northwest is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard."

"At least when I get married there won't be a hundred strangers there," Derek shot back.

"Okay, am I missing something?" Laura asked, her eyes moving with Nathan's between Derek and Meredith.

"Whatever it is, I think I'm missing it too," Nathan replied, examining Meredith's face closely as she locked eyes with Derek in a cold stare.

"Never mind," Meredith shook her head. "It's nothing."

There was a long and awkward pause, but then Laura smiled widely and attempted to break the ice. "So a fall wedding," she said. "Have you made any other decisions?"

"Just something simple," Nathan said. "A hundred people tops, drinks and dancing instead of a full dinner reception."

"That's what I did with my reception," Laura said, and Meredith's eyes snapped away from Derek to land on the dark haired nurse who was smiling with a hint of sadness in her eyes.

"You're married?" she heard herself demand, ignoring the urgency with which Derek hissed her name in response.

Laura set her fork down and inhaled a deep breath. "I was," she said softly. "He died, a couple years ago."

There was a formidable silence that fell over the table, and Meredith couldn't help but feel sympathy for the woman sitting beside her. She couldn't imagine losing someone she loved like that, but not only had Laura found the strength to get through it, she had found the strength to move on. As much as she wanted to continue hating this woman, she was entirely sure that it was becoming harder to do so.

"I'm sorry," Laura offered a shaky smile. "I sure know how to bring down a mood, don't I?"

Derek squeezed her hand and offered her a supportive smile. "It's okay," he assured her. "You didn't ruin anything."

Nathan chimed in his own apologies, and Meredith cleared her throat as she felt the need to say something, to connect with the woman who was dating Derek Shepherd.

"I'm sorry," she said finally. "I had no idea. You're…you're obviously a strong woman for being able to get through something like that and maintain such an optimistic lifestyle."

Laura gave her a comforting smile. "That means a lot to me," she said. "I know you and Derek are close, and I hope that we can be friends too."

The idea made Meredith slightly sick to her stomach, but she nodded slowly. "Yeah," she said. "That would be good."

"We should all go out," Laura said. "For dinner or something, it would be fun."

Nathan glanced at Meredith, obviously letting her decide on their RSVP to the dinner invitation. Meredith inhaled sharply as she met Derek's gaze, not sure as to how to respond politely after the exchange that had just occurred.

"I don't know," she said. "We're all really busy…"

"Yeah, and last time we all tried to go out together it didn't exactly turn out so well," Derek added."

""That was because your ex-girlfriend was a complete tight ass," Laura waved him off. "He told me all about her," she informed Meredith and Nathan. "What do you say about drinks at Joe's tonight?"

"Drinks couldn't hurt," Nathan said, reaching over to squeeze Meredith's knee. "Right, Mer?"

"I guess not," she sighed, sighing in relief when her pager went off on her hip. She raised it to eye level and sighed. "I have to take this. I'll see you tonight?"

"Sounds great," Laura smiled. "Have a good afternoon."

"Bye," Meredith said softly, leaning in to kiss Nathan for a little longer than she would have if Derek hadn't been there. She finally stood and nodded to Derek. "Dr. Shepherd."

"Dr. Grey," he nodded, and as she turned to walk away she heard Laura ask Nathan another question about the wedding. But she felt Derek's gaze watching her walk away, and couldn't help begin to form a plan in her head.


	16. Chapter 16

Derek wasn't sure what he had just gotten himself into.

As he pulled his sweater over her head after changing out of his scrubs, he felt a sense of dread wash over him at the thought of the impending double date that he was about to embark on. He'd retreated to his office after his afternoon surgery, working on some post op paperwork and trying to forget about his experience eating lunch that afternoon.

Meredith had been acting strange, and he knew that she had been uncomfortable sitting with Laura. He knew that he should have felt guilty for using Laura the way he had, but it had been easy to make Meredith jealous. And he hadn't been pretending to be any more affectionate with her than he always was, so it wasn't really his fault that Meredith had gotten jealous when he'd smiled at Laura or reached for her hand when she'd spoken softly about her deceased husband. It was just an added bonus that Meredith had gotten jealous.

The thing he hadn't anticipated was Laura inviting Nathan and Meredith out for drinks with them that night. Meredith had obviously been uncomfortable with the idea, but she hadn't been able to come up with an excuse to Nathan as to why they shouldn't go. So now he was stuck going on a double date with Meredith Grey and the girl he was seeing. He wasn't sure how he got into these situations, but he knew he had to grin and bear it, and hope it never happened again.

He was just finishing putting his papers into his briefcase when there was a knock at the door and Laura poked her head in. "Hey, you almost ready?" she asked.

"Yeah," he flashed her a smile as he snapped his bag closed. "You look beautiful." And she really did, in a deep blue sweater that highlighted her curves and dipped down enough in the front to give the perfect amount of cleavage. Her hair was curling around her face, and a warm smile was gracing her lips.

"Thanks," she smiled as she came to run her hands through his hair. "You look good too. I like this sweater."

Derek leaned in to kiss her softly, his hands coming to rest on her hips. "Are you sure you want to go tonight?" he murmured as he allowed his lips to trail down her neck. "We can always go home and spend some time alone…" Maybe he could convince her to skip the date. Their sex was good, and he was quickly learning what made her weak in the knees.

"Derek," she sighed as he pulled her earlobe into his mouth and nibbled gently. "No…" But her body was disobeying her words and pulling him closer.

"Yes," he murmured before he trailed his lips along his neck to her other ear.

"I told…" Laura gasped slightly. "Meredith…meeting us here…"

Derek pulled away for a moment, looking down at her. "You told her to come here," he repeated.

"Yeah," Laura said. "Is that okay? Cause I thought you guys were good friends but she seemed kind of overwhelmed when I ran into her downstairs."

"It's fine," Derek sighed. He hated being not completely honest with Laura, but he couldn't tell her what had happened two months ago in L.A. It didn't really mean anything for them, but he wasn't sure that he was completely over Meredith's betrayal and he didn't want Laura to think that he still had feelings for Meredith.

"Good," Laura smiled as she pulled him down to her. "One more kiss?"

Derek smiled against her lips and pulled her closer. "Lots more kisses," he murmured before he pressed into her again.

So lost were they in each other that he didn't notice another presence in the room until there was a throat clearing from the doorway. Laura quickly pulled away from him, and turned to smile at Meredith was standing in the doorway looking a mix between embarrassed and angry.

"Sorry," Laura said as she pulled her shirt down and automatically reached up to run her fingers through her hair.

"I um…Are you still going?" Meredith asked, and Derek finally allowed himself to look at her, grateful that he was already leaning against his desk when he laid eyes on her. She was wearing a deep green sweater that dipped down in the front, just tight enough to let him remember how perfect her body had felt underneath his hands. Her lips were shining with a fresh coat of lip gloss, and her hair was crunched to frame her face perfectly. She looked beautiful, and he felt the air leave his lungs in one swoosh. This was going to be an incredibly painful night.

"Of course," Lisa smiled, reaching around Derek for the bag she had thrown onto his desk chair. "Let's go."

She smiled widely as she walked out the door, leaving Meredith and Derek standing awkwardly in the room. Neither one of them said anything as they held each other's gaze for a long moment, but Derek finally broke the silence by pushing past her and following Laura down the hall towards the elevators. It was going to be a long night.

The short walk to Joe's was silent and filled with tension. Laura had picked up on the fact that neither one of them was interested in talking, and simply laced her fingers through Derek's as they crossed the street to the bar. Derek didn't miss Meredith's eyes rolling as she noticed the two of them holding hands, but he chose to ignore it. She didn't have any reason to be jealous, she was the one who had ended things.

As soon as they walked into the bar, Meredith broke away from the pair and made a beeline for the bar. Derek watched as she wrapped her arms tightly around Nathan's neck, pressing her entire body against his as she kissed him deeply, fighting the urge to rip her out of his arms. Instead, he squeezed Laura's hand tightly and pulled her closer to him.

"He seems like a nice guy," Laura said as she curled against Derek's body. "They're good together."

"Maybe we should leave them be," Derek suggested as he watched Nathan push some hair out of Meredith's face. "They look like they want some time alone."

"Stop being a party pooper," Laura laughed as she pulled out of his arms and dragged him towards the bar. "Hi Nathan."

"Hi," he greeted her with a wide smile, his arms still securely around Meredith's waist. "Derek."

"Nathan," he chimed in his own greeting, his eyes falling to the place where Meredith's arms were still clasped around his neck.

"Should we get something to drink?" Nathan suggested, attempting to pull away from Meredith and frowning when she tightened her grasp on his neck. "What's wrong, Mer?" he asked.

"I just missed you, baby," she smiled widely as she leaned in to kiss him again. "Is that bad?"

"No," Nathan laughed, wrapping an arm around her waist. "You're just not usually this touchy in public."

"Well, I'm turning over a new leaf," Meredith giggled as she leaned against him. "Did you order me some tequila?"

"Absolutely," Nathan said, signaling to Joe. "How was the rest of your day?"

"Boring," Meredith sighed. "I'm glad you're here though, it's a treat to see you twice today."

Nathan smiled, but Derek could see confusion lingering in the other man's eyes. And suddenly, it clicked. Meredith's desire to get dressed up, her sudden willingness to display public affection with Nathan, everything made sense. She was trying to make him jealous, and he had almost let her get away with it.

But two could play this game, and he pulled Laura a little closer as he prepared to win. "You want something to drink?" he murmured.

"I'll take another tequila shot," she said to Joe, smiling as she held her glass out to Meredith's. "Cheers."

"Cheers," Meredith knocked her shot back, and Derek fought the green monster inside of him as she sidled her body up against Nathan's again.

"You up for a game of darts?" he asked, clapping Nathan on the back.

"Sure," Nathan said, shifting Meredith out of his arms. "You guys okay over here?"

"Of course we are," Laura smiled, and Meredith's only response was to knock back another shot. Derek met her eyes for a brief moment, and she met his gaze evenly before she turned back to Nathan.

"Good luck, baby," she practically purred as she drew her lips up against his and kissed him deeply. Derek simply rolled his eyes and turned for the dartboard, not wanting to do anything he would regret. As he was collecting the darts, Nathan appeared beside him and handed him a beer.

"Thanks," was all Derek had to offer.

"No problem," Nathan said, settling onto a stool as he watched Derek set up his shot. "So what's going on with you and Meredith?"

Derek froze, his arm suspended in mid air as he aimed at the board. Panic filled his veins as his heart began to pound, and he knew he had to tread carefully. He had no idea what Nathan did or didn't know, and he couldn't give anything away. As angry as he was with Meredith, she had made it clear that she wanted to be with Nathan, and he wasn't going to ruin that for her.

"What do you mean?" he finally asked.

"Well, since the two of you went to that conference in LA she's been adamant that we don't get together with you," Nathan replied. "I guess tonight was an exception, but she even mentioned not wanting to be on your service at work. I know you broke up with Tiffany, but I didn't know if you had a falling out with Mer as well."

Derek breathed a sigh of relief, glad that Nathan didn't know anything about what he and Meredith had shared in LA. He knew he had to think quickly, but at least he didn't have to deal with the fact that he'd slept with another man's fiancé.

"We just didn't see eye to eye on the project we were working on," Derek shrugged, turning back to the dart board. "We're both stubborn, you know that."

"Mer's nothing if not stubborn," Nathan shook his head. "I've been trying to get her to set a date for the wedding for months now, but she's dragging her feet. I don't know why, but she won't even talk to me about it."

Derek reached for his beer and downed half of it in one tilt of the head. If he was going to be forced to think about Meredith's wedding to another man, then he would definitely need to be buzzed. "She has some time off at the end of her internship," he offered. "Maybe she wants to wait until then."

"Maybe," Nathan shrugged. "But…I don't know I guess I shouldn't be talking to you about this. Especially if you and Mer aren't on good terms right now."

Derek nodded as he handed the darts over and took a seat at the stool.

"So Laura seems great," Nathan commented.

Derek smiled a genuine smile for the first time that night, fingering the top of his beer bottle as he nodded. "She is," he said. "I'm having a lot of fun with her."

"She seems like she has a great heart," Nathan said. "Definitely what you need after breaking up with someone like Tiffany."

"What do you mean?" Derek frowned.

"Tiffany's a great person, don't get me wrong," Nathan said. "Damn good lawyer. But she likes things done her own way, and Laura seems a lot more relaxed, like she can go with the flow and not get bent out of shape about it."

"Yeah," Derek nodded. "That is true."

"She's hot too," Nathan laughed. "Not quite as hot as Mer, but pretty close."

Derek swallowed hard as he watched Meredith make her way towards them. "Are you winning?" she giggled as she wrapped her arms around Nathan's neck.

"I think so," Nathan laughed, his arms wrapping around her waist.

"Good," Meredith smiled, kissing him softly. "Cause I only go home with winners."

"Well, maybe we should take off while I'm in the lead then."

Meredith met Derek's eyes over Nathan's shoulder, her gaze locking on his for a long moment before she turned and pressed her lips against Nathan's neck and whispering something in his ear.

"I'll go pull the car around," was all Nathan managed before he disappeared out the door.

"Your girlfriend's in the bathroom," Meredith offered, crossing her arms over her chest as she stared at Derek.

"Fine," Derek said, straightening his spine and mirroring her position. "You're trying to make me jealous."

"Excuse me?" Meredith raised an eyebrow.

"The constant touching and kissing, calling Nathan pet names," Derek shook his head. "That's not you. You're trying to make me jealous."

"I am not," Meredith frowned.

"Good," Derek nodded. "Because for the record, I'm not. Jealous. I have everything I need from Laura."

"I'm happy for you," Meredith said with a firm nod.

"Good."

"Good."

The two of them stood there for a long moment before Meredith dropped her strong poise and stepped closer to Derek. "I hope she can do that thing you like," she whispered. "With her tongue."

Derek swallowed hard as he remembered Meredith's moves in LA. But instead of letting his guard down, he leaned closer to her and whispered, "I hope Nathan can do the bendy thing in the shower."

Meredith's jaw dropped and her face turned bright red for a moment. She lifted her eyes to meet his, and for a long moment they remained locked in a deep gaze. He wasn't sure how much time had passed before she tilted her face towards his. For a moment he was positive she was about to kiss him, but then he remembered that they were in the middle of a crowded bar and pulled back immediately. His movement seemed to snap Meredith back to reality and she pulled back as well before she turned and fled the bar.

Derek watched her go, the hint of a smile playing on his lips. She'd tried, but he was pretty sure he had won that round of the game they'd been playing for months. She was going home to Nathan, but she had made it clear that she still had feelings for him. For now, that was enough.


	17. Chapter 17

Meredith was exhausted. As she leaned against the nurse's station, all she could feel was exhaustion seeping through every muscle in her body. She'd had the previous night off, but Nathan had kept her awake requesting details about the wedding to be finalized. They'd finally settled on a date that was six months away, but now apparently she had to make decisions about dresses and invitations and linen colors, none of which she had any interest in doing. Nathan's sister had ambushed her the night before with magazines and color samples, and it had been all Meredith could do not to throw all of it out the window into the pouring rain.

And now, after too short of a night's sleep, here she was trying to avoid Derek as much as possible when she was assigned to his service for the day. She'd done a pretty good job of it so far, and had rounded on all of his patients before he had even arrived for work. There were no surgeries on the board, so all she had to do was monitor post op patients and hope that no emergencies came in.

Her pager sounded on her hip, and she fought the urge to groan out loud as she saw a 911 from the pit flashing on the screen. She took a deep breath before she took off down the hallway, wanting to get this over with as soon as possible.

"What do we have?" Meredith demanded as she rushed into the pit, pulling on a lab coat and shoving her hands into a pair of gloves.

"Forty year old male collapsed in his backyard," Derek replied as he led Meredith towards the doors. "Paramedics suspected an aneurysm, we have to get him upstairs for scans yesterday."

Meredith didn't reply as Derek pulled the doors to the ambulance open and helped the paramedics lift the stretcher out of the ambulance. "He came to in the ambulance," the paramedic reported. "He's insisting that he's fine, doesn't need any medical attention."

"You can't keep me here," the man pleaded. "I don't have insurance, I just got laid off. That ambulance ride alone probably cost a thousand dollars. I don't have a thousand dollars."

"Sir, I need you to calm down," Derek ordered, pushing him back onto the stretcher as he flashed his penlight into his eyes. "Can you tell me your name?"

"Trevor," he replied. "Trevor Smith."

"Mr. Smith," Derek said. "Any nausea? Blurred vision, dizziness? Headache?"

"Yes, my head is pounding," Trevor snapped. "Because I have no way to pay for this. I have to go home."

"You just collapsed in your garden, we'll consider your insurance stand when we know what's wrong," Derek said. "We're going to bring you upstairs for some tests."

"I can't!" Trevor exclaimed, trying to climb off of the stretcher. "Leave me alone! I want to go home!"

"Mr. Smith," Meredith pushed Derek to the side to stand in front of their patient. "I know you're concerned about this, but you have to let us help you. There are ways that we can get around the insurance companies, but if you don't calm down we will have no choice but to sedate you. Just take some deep breaths and we'll take you upstairs for your tests."

Trevor stared at her for a moment, but then nodded. "Okay," he said. "Please, I have two kids in college, I can't afford thousands of dollars in medical bills."

Meredith smiled as she helped him sit back on the stretcher. "It will all be taken care of," she assured him. "After we get you upstairs for tests."

"Dr. Miller," Derek turned to another intern in the room. "Please take Mr. Smith upstairs for his scans. I will be upstairs in a few minutes."

Meredith stared at Derek's hard gaze for a moment, wondering what he was going to yell at her for now. Somehow he always found something to yell at her for over the past few weeks, but she had a feeling that this was going to be worse than usual.

"What the hell was that?" Derek snapped as soon as the door had closed.

"What was what?" Meredith frowned, meeting his gaze head on.

"You can't go around promising patients that they won't have to pay for medical care," Derek snapped. "We can't do this for free."

"He would have left!" Meredith cried. "I couldn't just let him leave without knowing what was wrong with him."

"How a patient affords treatment," Derek said in a tight voice. "Is none of your concern. Your job is to save his life."

"He's my patient," Meredith snapped. "Of course it's my concern."

"Well, when we find an aneurysm about to rupture in his brain, you can be the one to tell him that he's going to have to pay for a major surgery," Derek said. "You got yourself into this mess, now you can get yourself out of it." 

"Fine," Meredith nodded.

"Fine," Derek echoed.

They stood locked in an even gaze for a moment before she pushed past him to move towards the door. "We have to look at his scans."

An hour later, she was sitting behind the computer at the nurse's station, scanning through various clinical trials and pioneer procedures trying to figure out how to pay for a surgery that would save a man's life.

"I hate today," Christina announced as she collapsed beside Meredith at the desk, slamming a pile of charts down in front of her.

"What's wrong with today?" Meredith asked, not taking her eyes off of the screen in front of her.

"Altman's got me on scut," Christina sighed. "Apparently putting my own name on the board for her surgery isn't okay."

Meredith rolled her eyes. "You knew that," she replied. "You can't say you didn't have expect to be put on scut."

"I was just trying to take initiative," Christina sighed. "Except now I'm stuck running labs and monitoring bedpans. I might as well be a nurse."

"I wouldn't say that too loudly."

"Okay, what are you reading?" Christina asked, pushing Meredith aside as she moved to look at the computer screen. "Clinical trials? Are you trying to get ahead?"

"No," Meredith sighed. "I have this patient, he's got an aneurysm in his parietal lobe that's about to burst any second. But he's refusing surgery because he doesn't have any insurance. I'm trying to find a way to get him into a trial to cover the expenses."

Christina turned to look at her with an expression of combined surprise and disbelief. "What's going on with you?" she asked.

"Nothing," Meredith said defensively, pushing Christina back to her chair. "He has two kids in college and if he doesn't have this surgery he'll die. I'm his doctor, I'm trying to help."

"Uh huh," Christina said, leaning back in her chair. "And what does Shepherd have to say about this?"

"Nothing," Meredith said a little too quickly. "He thinks it's none of my business."

"Maybe he's right," Christina said. "We're just here to deliver the medicine."

"And if I sit by and watch this man's aneurysm burst in his brain, it's against the oath," Meredith replied. "So I'm just trying to do my job."

Before Christina could say anything, her pager went off on her hip. She rolled her eyes as she looked at it, then stood and moved her way around the counter. "Good luck with your patient," she said. "I have to go make sure that Altman's post op still has a beating heart."

"Thanks…" Meredith started to look up at her friend, but suddenly something clicked in her brain and she turned back to the computer.

XXXXX

"We can stop his heart!" she cried as she spotted Derek's wavy black hair down the hall. He turned to look at her, a frown taking over his face as he processed his words.

"Stop his heart," he repeated. "What are you talking about?"

"Stand still surgery," Meredith breathed, shoving the research she'd printed into his hands. "We stop his heart, and you can remove the aneurysm. It's a pioneer procedure, only been done eighteen times before ever. If you can do it, then he will be clinically dead. He can donate his body to research and cash in the earnings to pay for the surgery."

Derek looked at her curiously for a moment before he turned his attention to the papers in his hand. "You're talking about stopping a man's heart, operating on his brain, and then bringing him back to life," he clarified.

"It's an unbelievable procedure," Meredith replied. "You're the best neurosurgeon on the west coast, if anyone can do this it's you. It would bring you to an entirely new level in your career."

"If it's successful," Derek added. "And if I fail, the Chief will have my ass."

"So you're just going to let him die?" Meredith asked. "He can't afford the surgery, Derek. You're not even trying, you're just going to give up?"

"Don't even talk to me about giving up," Derek snapped. "You're the one who's scared to lose what's right in front of you, even when it may be for the best."

Meredith stared at him for a long moment. "You're not talking about the surgery, are you?" she asked. "You're bringing this up again."

Derek grabbed hold of her elbow and pulled her into a corner of the hallway, bending his head down to hers. "You're the one who gave up on us," he said. "You can't talk about giving up when you refused to even give us a chance."

"That's different," Meredith breathed. "This is a man's life we're talking about here."

"And yet you had no trouble ruining my life," Derek snapped.

Meredith stared at him for a moment, taking in his broken expression and the pain etched in his face. And it was in that moment that she realized how much she had truly hurt him. It had been more than a simple break up, more than calling off the plans they had made. It had been nearly four months, and he was still in obvious amounts of pain that she hadn't left Nathan. She felt her own heart clench at his obvious heartbreak, and then she broke their gaze as another thought flashed through her mind. She normally wouldn't have cared so much for a man that she'd left. But she was now starting to realize that she was still completely head over heels for Derek Shepherd.

"Derek," she breathed, looking around the hallway. "We can't talk about this here."

Derek straightened his spine, putting his doctor face back on and turning to look down at the research he was still clutching tightly in his hand. "Dr. Grey," he cleared his throat. "This surgery…it's hard. And I have no idea what I'm going up against."

"And when have you ever been one to back down?" Meredith asked. "You're a fighter, Derek. You do what's best for your patient. And this is the only way he's going to have a chance at living."

"He has a better chance at dying on the table," Derek countered.

"And if he doesn't have the surgery he'll die in the next day," Meredith said. "You know what you should do."

Derek stared down at her, and she could see him starting to break. His eyes were darting back and forth as they read hers, and she could see the torment behind them. He was considering it, but he was scared. He needed a push, and that was why she was there.

"Derek," she said, stepping closer and placing a hand on his arm. "You can do this. I know you can."

Derek stared down at her for a moment before he pulled his hand out of her grasp and stepped away. "Dr. Grey," he stated. "This is not appropriate. This is my patient, and I am saying that we will not be performing this surgery. It's too risky."

Before Meredith could respond, Richard's voice boomed Derek's name from down the hall, and they both turned to look at him. "Chief," he said. "What's going on?"

"I heard you're doing a stand still operation," Richard said, crossing his arms over his chest and looking at Derek carefully.

"I…" Derek glanced at Meredith, and she shook her head slightly, clearly letting him know that she was not going to be the one to speak to the chief about this. Richard's expression and stance did not reveal whether he was in support of this idea or not, and Derek was clearly trying to figure out what the correct answer was. "I haven't decided yet," he finally said. "I have a patient who can't afford the surgery he needs, Dr. Grey here came up with the idea of performing a stand still so the costs will be covered under research grants. I'm just not sure if we have the means…"

"You're doing it," Richard interrupted him, surprising both of them.

"I am?" Derek repeated.

"This hospital used to be the best one in the country," Richard stated. "Now we're number seven. It's surgeries like this that we need to get back to number one. You're the best neurosurgeon in the country, and this is exactly the kind of press we need to start that process."

"Richard, the odds of this surgery being a success are not good," Derek started. "The negative press could damage us as much as the positive press would help us."

"The point is that we're willing to take risks," Richard said. "No other doctor is willing to perform this surgery. By you performing this surgery, we will show the country that we are the people to come to if they need rare, life saving surgery."

"Richard…" Derek started, but he was cut off.

"You're doing it," he ordered before turning to Meredith. "And you're assisting."

With that he was gone, leaving a baffled Derek and Meredith standing together in the middle of the hallway. After a moment, Derek turned to look at her a weary expression on his face.

"You win," he conceded.

"Derek," she said, trailing after him as he made his way down the hall. "Wait."

"Look, we're doing it your way," Derek said. "Can we just leave it at that and not talk about it anymore?"

Meredith sighed, letting her hand drop from his arm. "I guess," she said. "But Derek…we're doing a stand still. You have to be a little excited about it."

He stared down at her for a long moment before he allowed himself to crack a smile. "Yeah," he said. "I am. Just don't bail on this, okay?"

"I promise," Meredith smiled, holding his gaze and feeling just the tiniest bit warmer from the strength of his smile.


	18. Chapter 18

**I know it's been forever, and I'm so sorry! I hope you all still enjoy this story!**

Derek stood in front of the OR board, staring at the top surgery listed. _Stand still, Shepherd, Grey. _It was a sight that he had never really thought he would see, with stand stills being the rarest of neurological surgeries. He was well on his way to being one of the best surgeons in the country, but he wasn't sure that he had the skills to perform a surgery as risky as this one. He wasn't sure that he could even begin the process successfully, let alone get through the entire process and bring the patient back to life. It was such a risky surgery that he hadn't even considered the possibility until Meredith had suggested it.

Meredith. When she had first suggested the idea he had shot it down immediately, convinced that the idea was completely ridiculous. But then Richard had ordered them to do the surgery together, and he couldn't imagine being in that OR without her at his side. As much as she had been driving him crazy lately, he couldn't deny the fact that he felt better when she was at his side. She had faith in him, and he knew he could draw the confidence he needed from her to perform the surgery successfully.

Now, he was staring at her name beside his on the OR board and finding comfort in the fact that she would be standing beside him on the most difficult surgery of his career. She may have been driving him crazy by teasing him and leading him on, but he knew that only being near Meredith during the day was better than not having her in his life at all. Right now he just wanted to take what he could get and concentrate on the surgery. After that, he could focus on getting Meredith to realize that they should be together.

"You ready?"

Meredith's soft voice came from behind him, and he turned to see her standing to his left, already wearing her light blue scrubs, her hair flowing around her shoulders. She looked exhausted, which was understandable seeing as it was four in the morning, but he couldn't help thinking that she looked incredibly beautiful to him.

"I don't really have a choice," he replied. "So yeah, I guess I am."

"You can do this, Derek," she said softly, stepping closer to him. "I know you're scared, but…this is the best chance he has for survival."

"I know," he nodded. "I guess…I never would have done this. A year ago, this wouldn't have even crossed my mind."

"You've grown," Meredith breathed. "Since you and…well, I can see that you've grown."

"I know I have," Derek said. "But that doesn't mean that I'm not terrified."

"Me too," Meredith breathed. "I mean, this was my idea, but I don't even know to do this."

"We'll figure it out together," Derek breathed, turning to look at her with a sad smile. "We're a good team."

Meredith's eyes fluttered with an emotion that he couldn't quite recognize, and she took a step back from him. "Dr. Shepherd," she said. "We have to scrub in."

Derek fought the urge to roll his eyes as he moved behind her towards the scrub room. He was constantly flooded with a mix of emotions when it came to Meredith Grey, and his heart was constantly fighting with his head for the dominant emotion when it came to that woman. His heart was breaking bit by bit with every moment that he had to be with her, knowing that she was going home to be with another man, planning a future with a man that wasn't him. His heart was holding onto hope that she would suddenly change her mind, that she would dump Nathan and they would be able to be together, happy and planning a future. But then his head would remind him that she had hurt him in a way that he hadn't expected, in a way that made him angrier than he had ever been before. He was in a constant battle with himself about whether he loved her or hated her.

But right now, he had to forget about loving or hating her, and focus on the surgery he was about to perform. A stand still was a surgery that very few surgeons would ever be brave enough to perform, and he was about to do it with Meredith at his side. And as frustrated as he with her personally, he knew that she was one of the best surgeons in the hospital and there was no way that he was going to let anyone besides the best into his OR for this surgery.

He looked into the OR room as he scrubbed his hands, watching as the team prepped Trevor for the surgery. With a deep breath, he moved away from the sink and into the OR, hands held up in front of him. "How are you feeling?" he asked gently as he leaned over the table to look at Trevor.

"Okay," Trevor breathed, his breath sounding shaky. "Kind of scared."

Derek offered him a smile, even though he knew it couldn't be seen around his scrub mask. "You're in good hands," he promised. "I'll see you in a couple hours, okay?"

Trevor inhaled deeply as he nodded. "Make sure I get into the medical books," he said with a small smile.

"You will be," Derek promised. "And you'll be there to see it."

"I'm ready," Trevor said, looking towards the anesthesiologist.

Derek inhaled deeply as he waited for Trevor to slip under, then nodded to Altman. "We're ready," he announced.

As it always did, time seemed to slip away as he performed the surgery, quickly but meticulously. When he was in the OR, needs that normally screamed at him came to a stop and he no longer felt hunger, the urge to use the bathroom, or the fatigue that had overtaken his life since Meredith had told him she was engaged. Today was no different, as he and his team worked to remove the aneurysm from Trevor's brain. But throughout the surgery he felt a sense of comfort and familiarity, a feeling that he knew was because Meredith was at his side. Although he was concentrating on the brain in front of him, he knew that she was there, in the OR, and that made him feel strangely comforted. She was just as invested in this surgery as he was, and although his career was the one that was on the line, she would be equally devastated if they failed.

He wasn't sure how long it took, but he finally stepped away from the table and turned to Altman. "Let's get that heart beating," he said. "We're done."

"We did it," Meredith breathed, and he fought the urge to look at her.

"We still have to warm him up, get his heart beating," Derek said, trying to convince himself of his own words. "It's not done yet."

The entire OR waited with bated breath as the machines were turned back on, and the heart monitor beeped steadily in the corner of the room. "Derek," Meredith whispered beside him, as it took a moment longer than it should have to start beating.

"Give it a minute," he murmured, his gaze fixed on the machine in front of him while his hope and his heart were focused on the amazing woman behind him. And just as the hope inside of him was about to drain, there was one timid beep. No one said anything for a moment, fearing that it would be a fluke if they said anything about the beating machine. But then there was another beat, and another one quickly after that, soon producing a steady heartbeat that indicated that Trevor was alive.

"We did it," Meredith gasped from behind him. "We really did it."

"We did," Derek said, nodding his head as he felt an overwhelming sense of emotion wash over him. "We did it. Thank you everyone. We couldn't have done it without you."

"Good work, Shepherd," Altman said. "I wasn't sure we could pull this off."

"But we did," Derek breathed, his mind suddenly hazy as his gaze landed on Meredith. "And now we just have to wait for him to wake up. But he should be in the clear."

"Chief's going to have us on all kinds of press circuits after this," Teddy sighed. "But it's worth it. We saved him."

"Good job, Altman," Derek echoed her praise from moments earlier. "I'm trusting that your team can get him into ICU?"

"Absolutely," Teddy said before she turned to one of her residents.

Derek inhaled deeply, staring up at the ceiling before he turned to the scrub room where Meredith was already washing her hands. He slowly made his way into the small room where she was the only other occupant, not saying a word as they washed their hands beside each other. After a long moment he couldn't take the silence anymore and turned to look at her.

"Thank you," was all he said.

Meredith turned to look at him, blinking in surprise as she attempted to process his unexpected words. "I'm sorry?"

"Thank you," he repeated the words. "I wouldn't have done this surgery if you hadn't been there to push me, and Trevor wouldn't have lasted much longer. So thank you for knowing that I needed a push, for telling me that I could do it. I really wouldn't have been able to do this without your support."

Meredith looked at him closely as she nodded slowly. "You're welcome," she said.

Derek looked at her for a moment, his eyes falling to the diamond ring on the necklace dangling in front of her scrub top. He swallowed hard as he pulled his scrub cap off and moved towards the door, needing to feel an escape, to get rid of the pain that he was feeling now that he could focus on the fact that she was going home to Nathan, and not to him.

"You were amazing in there," Meredith breathed. "I know…that's probably not something that I should be saying, but it's true. As a doctor…you were amazing."

"Thanks," Derek said. "I'm going to go shower."

"Oh," Meredith breathed, her cheeks turning slightly pink as she looked down at the ground. "Shower, right."

"Are you alright?" Derek asked, unable to stop himself before the words came out.

"Fine," she said with a nod, trying to convince herself as well as him. "I um…I'm going to Joe's tonight. Nathan's working late and I don't really want to be alone, so…Joe's. I figured I would go to Joe's."

"That sounds good," Derek nodded. "Have fun."

"Thanks," Meredith breathed. "I was…if you want to come, we could celebrate. The surgery, we should celebrate the surgery."

Derek felt his heart tighten in his chest as he wished that celebrating would mean going home together and opening a bottle of wine. "Maybe I will," he breathed. This might not have been what he wanted, but she was reaching out to him, and he had to take what he could get.

"Good," Meredith breathed, meeting his gaze for a long moment before her pager went off on her hip. "I have to go."

"Of course," Derek breathed. He moved aside to let her past, catching a whiff of her lavender perfume as she did so. She looked absolutely amazing as she moved down the hall, and he swallowed hard, wondering what exactly could happen between the two of them if he went to Joe's tonight.

XXXXX

Meredith Grey was confused. As she sat at the end of the bar at Joe's, she realized that she was confused about pretty much everything in her life. The three shots of tequila she had downed so far probably weren't helping her become any less confused, but she knew that she needed it. She had had a lot on her mind lately, and she had no idea how to get rid of some of the stress. Nathan was working, which meant she could go to Joe's and not worry about going home to him and having to worry about being pressured into thinking about wedding plans and house designs. Celebrating the surgery had been a good excuse, and she was contemplating getting another shot as she considered whether Derek would show up or not.

She hadn't meant to invite him. Now she wasn't even sure if she wanted him to come or not. But she had invited him, and couldn't seem to suppress the part of her that was hoping he would show up.

She knew that he still had feelings for her, and she knew that he was upset about the way she had backed out of their plans to be together. It truly broke her heart that he was hurting because of her, but she hadn't really had a choice. Nathan was in a horrible place, and she was the only reason that he had anything to look forward to. She was afraid of what might happen if she had left him, and so she had agreed to marry him. It probably wasn't the smartest thing to do, but she couldn't back down now.

And now she was sitting in a bar, drinking as she waited for the man she could have loved to show up and hoping that her fiancé wouldn't. It was just one of the things she was confused about, but she really couldn't stop thinking about what could have been with Derek as she planned a wedding with a man she didn't really love.

"You look awfully sad for someone who's celebrating."

His voice came from behind her, causing her head to snap up and meet the deep blue eyes that could read into her soul. "Derek," she breathed.

"I just came from Trevor's room," Derek reported as he draped his coat over the back of his chair and nodded a thank you to Joe, who had just placed a glass of scotch in front of him. "He's awake."

"He is?" Meredith breathed, joy filling her heart as she felt truly happy with herself for the first time since the surgery that afternoon.

"Awake and aware," Derek smiled widely. "We did it, Mer."

She swallowed hard and reached for the shot glass in front of her. The way he shortened her name was enough to make her want to jump him right there on the bar. "Congratulations," she breathed. "You deserve this, Derek, you've worked hard."

"It was your idea," Derek stated. "You deserve some of the credit."

"I guess," she sighed. "But you're the one who actually performed the surgery."

"And you scrubbed in," Derek countered, turning in his chair to look at her. "Honestly, Mer, we wouldn't have done it if you hadn't thought of it."

"I know," she said. "And I'm glad we did this, I really am."

"Then why are you sad?" he asked, and she fought the urge to roll her eyes, wishing that she wouldn't have opened her big mouth and asked her to come meet her.

"You look sad," Derek breathed. "Not like you."

"Derek, I'm fine," she snapped, immediately regretting it.

He was silent for a moment as he sipped at his scotch. "Do you want me to go?" he asked after a long moment.

"What?" she asked.

"I know you better than you think, Meredith," he breathed. "You didn't mean to invite me, did you? And now you're wishing that you hadn't because you feel bad for meeting me when Nathan's working."

She swallowed hard, downing another shot as she realized how well he truly could read her. Nathan would never have been able to do that. "Maybe," she whispered.

"I'll go," Derek sighed, setting his still half full glass of scotch on the bar and reaching for his wallet. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."

"Don't go," Meredith heard herself say, and then she realized that her hand was on his arm, stopping him from reaching for his wallet. "I'm sorry, Derek, I didn't mean to make you feel like you aren't welcome. I just have a lot going on in my head."

He nodded slowly, staring down at the hand on his arm before he looked back at her face. "Are you alright?" he asked gently.

"Yeah," she breathed, dropping her hand and moving to play with her empty shot glass. "Just thinking."

"Good thinking?"

"Confused thinking."

"What are you confused about?"

She looked at him for a moment before she shook her head. "You don't have to do this, Derek," she said.

"Do what?"

"Pretend like you care," she said. "I know that I hurt you, Derek, and I know that you probably hate me. So you don't have to pretend like you're some kind of supportive friend."

"We are friends," Derek frowned. "I mean, I know that we were angry with each other for a little while, but I want to get past that and at least be friends. I thought you did to."

"I do," she said. "You're a good friend, I don't ever want to lose that."

"Okay," he said. "So what are you confused about? I'm a very good listener, you know."

"I know," she smiled. "I guess…why did you come here tonight?"

"Because you invited me," Derek said. "And I kind of thought it would be more of a celebration and less of a therapy session."

"Shut up," Meredith giggled slightly. "I know I invited you, but…did you expect something from coming here?"

"No," Derek shook his head. "You're with Nathan, Mer. And as much as I don't like that fact, I will respect it so we can still be friends. I'm not going to put you in a position that makes you uncomfortable. I don't want to do anything to ruin your relationship with him."

Meredith felt her heart swell with emotion and she fought the urge to kiss him at his sincere words. "Thank you," she whispered. "I…Derek, you don't know how much that means to me."

"I just want you to be happy, Mer," he said simply. "I know there was a time when I thought you could only be happy with me, but now…now I know that Nathan is a lucky man. And I hope he is willing to work as hard as I was to make you happy."

"I don't know if he loves me," Meredith heard herself blurt out.

Derek blinked in surprise, his face taking on a variety of emotions as he processed her words. First was confusion, then surprise, followed by anger and then finally concern. "What do you mean?" he asked. "Did he hurt you? Because I will go to his office right now…"

"No," Meredith shook her head, reaching for his hand. "It's not like that. He doesn't treat me badly, but I don't know if he loves me as a person so much as he loves the idea of having a wife."

"But…how could he not love you?" Derek asked. "Meredith, you're incredible."

"Derek," she breathed, her cheeks heating as she looked down at their hands that were still joined.

"I'm serious, Mer," he said. "You're beautiful, funny, smart, you have this passion for life that makes everyone around you feel grateful to be alive. If he can't appreciate the way your nose scrunches up when you laugh or the way the smell of lavender seems to linger wherever you go, then he doesn't deserve you."

Meredith smiled as she leaned closer to him. "Why couldn't we have met two years ago?" she whispered. "Life would have been so different."

Derek squeezed her hand. "I don't want to pressure you, Mer," he whispered. "But if you're not happy then there is something that you can do about it."

"I know," she said. "I just…I don't know what he would do if I left him. I'm the only good thing that he has in his life, and his mom…I really don't know what would happen to his family if he had to tell them that I left."

Derek smiled softly. "You're so compassionate, Meredith," he said softly. "And that's one of the reasons it's so easy to fall for you. Trust me, I know. But you have to do what's right for you. Because if you make such huge sacrifices for Nathan, you're going to become the one who's completely unhappy and not able to function well."

Meredith inhaled sharply, contemplating his words for a long moment. But before she could answer, the door to the bar slammed shut and an angry voice was calling Derek's name.

"What the hell do you think you're doing, Shepherd?" Nathan demanded as he moved towards the end of the bar where they were sitting. "Meredith is my fiancé."

"Nathan," Meredith snapped, standing and moving in front of him. "It's not what you think. We did an amazing, incredible, rare surgery today, and we're celebrating."

"Meredith, this doesn't concern you," he said, stepping around her to meet Derek face to face. "You need to stay away from her."

"You can't tell me what to do," Derek snapped. "And it just so happens that your fiancé was telling me she is trying to figure out how to make you see that she's not interested in planning a wedding."

"Derek!" Meredith snapped. "Seriously, both of you, stop acting like you're fifteen."

"Meredith, just get out of the way," Nathan ordered.

"Don't talk to her like that!" Derek took another step forward.

"Don't tell me how to talk to her," Nathan shot back. "She's my fiancé."

"Some fiancé you are," Derek rolled his eyes. "She doesn't even know if you love her or not."

With that, Nathan's fist made contact with Derek's face, sending him reeling back into the bar and causing Meredith to shout in protest. "Derek!" she cried, moving towards him. "Are you okay?"

"Fine," he groaned, staggering to his feet and standing in front of Nathan again. "You're lucky that I have a craniotomy tomorrow." He threw some money down onto the table and made his way towards the door, glancing at Meredith over his shoulder. "I'll see you tomorrow, Mer."

And then he was gone, leaving Nathan and Meredith standing in front of the bar with the entire patronage looking at them curiously.

"What the hell was that?" Meredith demanded. "He wasn't doing anything wrong?"

"You don't see anything wrong with that?" Nathan demanded. "Meredith, I don't want to walk into a bar and see my fiancé all cuddled up with her boss. Her handsome, single boss."

"It was nothing," Meredith snapped, reaching for her coat. "And if you don't trust me around Derek, then we have bigger problems than what kind of wedding we're going to have."

"Meredith," Nathan called from behind her, reaching for her arm. "Don't walk out. We need to talk about this."

"Don't touch me," Meredith snapped, turning to look at him with flashing eyes. "Seriously, Nathan, I can't even look at you right now."

"So…what does that mean?" Nathan asked.

The alcohol, confusion, and exhaustion were setting in to give her a fuzzy head. "I don't know," she said. "I just…I need some time to think. I'll talk to you later."

She stormed out of the bar and towards her car, her hands shaking as she reached for her keys. She wanted nothing more than to go for a long drive to clear her head, but as she stared out the dashboard, she realized that the world was spinning far too much to even consider driving. Instead she shut the car off and leaned her head against the headrest, hoping that if she closed her eyes and tried to stop the world from spinning she might be able to drive soon.

Her catnap was interrupted when there was a knocking on the window, and she turned her head wearily to see Derek standing at the window. She briefly considered letting him into the car, but then she realized that Nathan was still inside and she didn't want to start anymore arguments. So she took a deep breath and pulled herself out of the car and stood in front of him. "I'm sorry," she breathed.

"It's not your fault, Mer," he breathed. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," she replied automatically. "Is your face okay?"

"I might need to postpone my surgery for tomorrow," Derek sighed, gesturing to his eye that was already starting to swell shut. "But I just wanted to make sure you were okay."

"Yeah," she sighed. "Just…can't drive."

"I'd offer to take you home," Derek said. "But I don't think I'd be a good designated driver right now."

"It's okay," she said softly. "Nathan's still inside, I just…needed some space."

"Okay," Derek breathed, glancing towards the door for a moment before he leaned in closer to her. "Think about you, Mer."

"What?" she frowned.

"You're too worried about everyone else," Derek stated. "So think about what you want. Think about who will make you happy. Nathan, me, someone else, no one…there's someone that you will be completely happy with, but you just need to figure out who that is."

"I know," Meredith whispered.

Derek reached out to squeeze her hand, then turned to walk towards the cab waiting by the front of the bar.

"You didn't hit him," Meredith commented. "You don't have surgery tomorrow morning."

"I know," Derek nodded. "I just…don't see the point of grown men beating each other up. Especially in front of a woman like you."

Tears filled Meredith's eyes, and she nodded before she turned back to her car. She was quickly starting to realize what a big mistake she had made.

She wasn't sure how much time had passed, but when she woke up she was no longer in the front seat of her car. She was tucked into her bed, and there was a light on under the bathroom door. She frowned, wondering how she had ended up here, and sat up quickly. As she looked around, the bathroom door opened and Nathan stepped out of the bathroom wearing his pajamas. He offered her a small smiled when he saw her awake, and sat down on the edge of the bed.

"You're awake," he commented.

"I'm awake," she breathed. "I don't even…did you take me home?"

"You were passed out in the car," Nathan said softly. "I know you said you wanted space, but I couldn't just leave you there."

"Thank you," Meredith breathed. "I'm sorry for storming out of the bar."

"Don't be sorry," Nathan shook his head. "I'm sorry for over reacting. I just…you were in such an intimate position with Derek, and I had no idea how to react to that."

"We were just talking," Meredith said. "We had an amazing surgery today, it was something that we were able to share. We're friends, were just celebrating and talking about life." It wasn't the complete truth, but she couldn't bear to tell him everything. Not when she didn't know where she stood with either him or Derek.

"Is it true?" Nathan asked. "What Derek was saying, about how you're not happy and don't want the same kind of wedding that I do?"

"Nathan," she sighed. "I don't really care about the wedding. I'm not the kind of girl that will be freaking out over the colors and place settings. But you do care about it, so I don't care if you want to plan whatever kind of wedding you want, I'll do it."

"But you know that I love you," Nathan said, reaching for her hand.

Meredith briefly thought about confessing what she had said to Derek earlier in the evening, but Nathan looked too vulnerable and sincere to have that kind of conversation with him right now. "I do know that," she said softly. "I guess I just sometimes don't see you show it. You seem more interested in the wedding than the marriage."

Nathan nodded slowly. "I'm afraid," he said softly. "Mer, you're slipping away from me. And I do trust you, I don't want you to think that I don't. But I do have to ask you something that I have been wondering all night, so please don't get mad."

"I won't," she said softly, a pit in her stomach as she anticipated what he was about to ask her.

"Is there something going on with you and Derek?" Nathan asked. "I just…I need to know, Meredith."

Meredith swallowed hard, knowing that this was the moment of truth. She could tell him about LA, but that was in the past. And there wasn't anything going on now, at least not at the moment. But it was pretty obvious that there was something going on, so she couldn't deny it completely.

"I…" she took a deep breath as she looked deeply into Nathan's eyes. "I have had feelings for him."

Nathan nodded slowly. "Okay," he breathed. "So…where does that leave me? The guy you're stringing along until he decides he wants you?"

The words stung, but Meredith knew that she had just hurt him. She shook her head and reached for her hand. "It's nothing," she said. "Just a stupid crush that I'll get over. You're the one that I'm going to marry. Not Derek."

"Meredith, I don't know what to do with this," Nathan admitted. "It's not everyday that your fiancé tells you that she's attracted to another man. I don't know what to do about it, so maybe I just need time."

"I'm sorry," Meredith breathed. "But hasn't it ever happened to you? It's human nature, to have physical attractions to other people."

Nathan nodded slowly. "When Tiffany first started at the law firm," he admitted. "I was a little attracted to her."

Meredith fought the urge to roll her eyes at the mention of Derek's ex-girlfriend's name, but she refrained. "Nathan, we've been happy for a long time," she said. "Maybe we're in a weird place now, but…I really think that we can start spending more time together, really appreciating each other and then we'll start getting our relationship back together. I think we can get it back if we try."

"I want to," Nathan said softly. "I really want to make this work with you, Meredith. You're the only woman I've ever loved."

"Me too," she whispered. "I know…If it makes you uncomfortable, I can see if I can get reassigned at work. I can work on someone's service besides Derek's. I like neuro the best and he's the best neuro but if you want…"

"You don't have to do that," Nathan shook his head. "I need to learn to deal with my insecurities. I trust you when you say that nothing has been going on. I just…it was a long day and I saw red."

"Okay," Meredith breathed.

"Do you want to go out tomorrow night?" Nathan asked. "We can go to dinner, maybe take a walk on the pier if the weather's nice. It might be nice to just talk and…be together. We can start working things out."

Meredith nodded slowly. "Yeah," she said. "I think that will be nice. Maybe we can take a ride on the ferry boat."

"Good," Nathan smiled, leaning in to kiss her. "I really am sorry about earlier. I jumped to conclusions and I shouldn't have."

"It's okay," Meredith breathed. "Just…try not to storm into bars and punch my boss again, okay?"

"I think I can handle that," Nathan laughed, kissing her slightly. "Ready for sleep? It's been a long day."

Meredith's head was pounding, and she wasn't sure if it was from the alcohol, the lie she had just told, or the fact that it felt as though she had somehow just recommitted herself to Nathan. And didn't feel good about it.

"In a minute," she said, smiling softly. "I'm going to go get some water and aspirin, try to beat the hangover."

"Okay," Nathan smiled, settling into the bed and reaching for his book, settling into bed with a smile on his face.

Meredith took a deep breath as she sank onto the couch. She had no idea what had just happened, but she knew that she didn't feel any better. After a moment of staring at the ceiling, she reached for her cell phone and looked down at it, contemplating whether she wanted to text Derek or not. Finally, she decided that she should at least check to make sure his eyes was okay, and sent him a quick text asking him how he was feeling. His eye had been pretty bad, and she honestly was concerned about it.

_Fine, considering. Are you okay?_

_I guess. Nathan and I talked. He feels awful about what he did and he promised not to do it again._

_And you?_

_I told him we need to try to fix our relationship._

She waited for a long moment for a response, hoping that Derek wasn't going completely crazy in his apartment. But she finally got the message that he didn't want to respond, so she typed out another short message before moving towards the kitchen to retrieve a glass of water and some aspirin to relieve the pounding in her head.

On her way back to her bedroom, she didn't realize that her phone had vibrated to indicate a new message, one from Derek Shepherd.

_If you're happy, then I'm happy._


	19. Chapter 19

Meredith knew that she was in over her head. She had spent the last few months trying to make sure that she was doing the right thing and not hurting Nathan, but she was completely exhausted with everything that was going on in her life. Things had been better in the past few months, with Derek backing down and Nathan doing everything he could to make sure their relationship was better. She appreciated his efforts, but to her own frustration she still wasn't feeling anything more for Nathan or anything less for Derek.

Nathan was meeting her for lunch at the hospital today, and she was sitting in a conference room working on some paperwork as she waited for him to meet her. Derek had the day off, which meant that she could breathe a little bit easier and not worry about running into him unexpectedly throughout her entire day. She was starting to forget why she had even forgotten their plans to stay with Nathan, and there was part of her, a tiny part that seemed to grow more every day, that was realizing she had made the wrong choice and wondering if maybe she could fix what she had done.

Before her mind could get any further, her pager went off where it was attached to her hip. She was on her feet and out the door before she had even processed the fact that it read 911, and before she even reached the ER she knew that something was very, very wrong.

"He's one of our own, we have to do everything we can," a resident was reporting as she made her way into a trauma room.

"It was his day off, and he's still going to end up in the OR…"

Meredith felt sick to her stomach as she saw Altman and Nelson rush into the trauma room at the end of the hall. They couldn't be talking about Derek. Derek was a careful driver, he never took any dangerous risks, he always made sure that he was safe in whatever he did. But now the Chief had rushed into the room, and she knew. She knew that it had to be Derek, because the Chief was only in the ER if one of his own was injured.

"Dr. Kole," she grabbed the arm of an intern rushing by. "What's going on?"

"It's Dr. Shepherd," he replied. "He was in a car accident."

"How bad is it?" Meredith breathed.

"He's not conscious," Dr. Kole replied. "Chief ordered a shotgun of tests, but he's presenting as having some kind of traumatic brain injury."

Meredith felt her stomach rise with nausea, and she swallowed hard as she moved towards the trauma room. She wasn't sure what she was about to see, but she knew she had to be there. Not just because she was paged, but because she had put Derek through so much, and she couldn't let him go through this alone.

As she stepped into the room, through a bustle of busy doctors rushing to treat Derek, she saw his body lying on the table. His clothes had been cut off, but there were scrapes and pools of blood across his skin. He was hooked up to a heart monitor and a breathing tube, and his hair, his precious thick black hair, was lying in a pool beneath his head.

"Grey," Webber snapped as he looked up from the machines. "I want you to clear out the CT scan and get Shepherd up there now."

"I…" Meredith swallowed hard, not moving her eyes from Derek as she failed to process his words.

"Grey," Richard repeated. "We need that OR yesterday."

"Right sir," Meredith said, turning to the door. She stood still for a moment, trying to get a hold of the nausea sitting in her stomach, but she couldn't stop it. Without warning, she turned to the nearest garbage can and threw up the contents of her stomach, her stomach clenching in tandem with her heart as she did so.

"Grey," Webber snapped. "Get the hell out of here. We need the best on Shepherd's case."

"I'll take over for her," Christina's voice came from the doorway.

"Forget the CT, book an OR," the Chief replied. "We have to get him up there as soon as possible."

"Done," Christina nodded, looking at Meredith quickly before she turned to leave the trauma room.

"Grey," Webber snapped. "If you're not going to do your job, I need you out."

"Chief, I just…"

"Now," Webber ordered. "Alright people, let's get him upstairs."

Meredith stepped aside as they moved the gurney out of the room, Derek's form still and broken on the bed. She wanted to run after them, wanted to throw herself down beside him and beg him to wake up. She would give him anything he wanted, she would do whatever it took to just have him wake up and look at her.

And it was in that moment, standing abandoned in the middle of the trauma room that she knew. Derek's clothes were abandoned in tatters on the floor, his blood staining the table and the floor by her feet, but she knew. She had to be with him, she didn't want anything else from life. She was in love with Derek Shepherd, and the only thing she wasn't sure of was why she had doubted it for so long.

She knew that he might not have a chance to tell him, to really be with him, but she did know one thing. She needed to be near him, needed to see what was going on and make sure that she could see that he was fighting. She wasn't sure what would happen when he woke up and she told him what she had realized, but she knew that she was going to tell him the moment he woke up.

If he woke up.

With a deep breath, she moved on shaky legs towards the elevator that would take her to the gallery to watch the surgery. She knew that it might not have been the smartest idea to watch, especially if things didn't go well, but she had to be near Derek, didn't want to let him out of her sight.

The gallery was empty, presumably because most of the staff who had a vested interest in Derek's outcome was either in the OR or too nervous to watch the surgery live. She sank into the chair in the front row, watching the team prep Derek. She wasn't sure what she was expecting to feel as she watched, but she didn't feel it. She couldn't feel anything as she watched the Chief drill a hole into Derek's skull and begin the surgery that she herself had scrubbed in on dozens of times.

Time was lost on her as she watched the surgery, forgetting to breathe, forgetting to think, forgetting everything except to hope with every part of her being that Derek would make it through this surgery so she could tell him what she was feeling. Even if he didn't want to be with her, she had to at least tell him so that he would know.

Guilt was creeping into her mind as she watched the surgery, knowing that everything was going as it should but refusing to hope too hard. Derek had placed so much hope and faith in her, and she had let him down. And she had continued to let him down, time after time. He'd wanted nothing more than to love her and make her happy, but she hadn't accepted. She'd been too interested in doing the right thing that she hadn't even considered what she was doing to him. And now he was lying on the OR table, his brain open as their co-workers worked frantically to save his life. He might never know that his pursuits had finally resulted in her realizing that she did love him, did want to be with him, and it was all her fault.

"Meredith."

Her name echoed from the doorway, and she turned to see who was speaking to her. Her vision was blurry, and only they had she realized that she was crying. She wiped the tears from her cheeks and blinked back a fresh batch, realizing that Nathan was standing in the doorway to the gallery.

"What are you doing up here?" she breathed.

"Dr. Kole told me you were up here," Nathan breathed. "Are you okay?"

Meredith turned back to look at the OR where Derek was still lying on the table under the knife. "I don't know," she breathed.

"I know that Derek is a good friend," Nathan said. "I heard that you freaked out in the ER."

"Of course I freaked out," Meredith frowned. "It's not like I expected to get a page and find my…find Derek unconscious with a traumatic brain injury."

"I know," Nathan moved to sit beside her, reaching out to her. She couldn't help ducking out of his embrace to look through the window into the OR. She did not have the desire to even look at Nathan right now, and she hadn't even thought about how she was going to break it off with him. All she knew was that right now, she couldn't hide her concern for Derek as more than a friend.

"Do you need anything?" Nathan breathed softly.

"I'd really like to be alone," she whispered. "I know…I know you're trying to help but right now I can't even breathe, let alone think. Please, just…leave me alone and we'll talk later."

Nathan looked at her for a moment, but she refused to turn to look at him. Instead, she waited with bated breath as the Chief declared that he was finished and just had to set the sutures.

"I'll just go," Nathan stated. "Mer…call me when you feel better."

She barely looked up as her eyes were focused on the surgery in front of her. The wound was now closed and they were working to move him out of the OR. She knew that she should have started breathing better now that he was done with the surgery, but she knew the risks of post operation infections, reactions to medicines, and other problems that could arise from a post operation.

She took a deep breath and brought herself to her feet on shaking legs. When she turned towards the door, she saw Nathan still standing beside her.

"I don't know what to say to do to you now," Nathan said softly. "It's pretty obvious that your feelings for Derek run beyond that of a normal friendship."

Meredith glanced down into the OR before she turned back to Nathan and nodded. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "I don't…I know that I've been leading you on for months. I know that it's not fair, and you've wasted a lot of your time. I'm so sorry, because I do care about you. You're a good man, and I don't want to hurt you. That's why I've been trying so hard to make this work, because you have so much going on and I didn't want to be the straw that broke your back or whatever. But I can't do it anymore, Nathan, I can't. Derek's down there, and he could…he doesn't even know how I feel, and I just can't pretend anymore."

Nathan nodded slowly as he looked down at her. "I've known it for a long time," he said. "I guess I just didn't want to admit it because you're so amazing, and I wasn't sure how I would handle losing you."

"I'm sorry," Meredith breathed. "I'm so sorry, Nathan. And I know this is a cliché, but I really do want to be friends with you."

"We will be," Nathan nodded. "We'll talk soon. But right now, you should be with Derek. He's going to need you."

"Thank you," Meredith whispered, reaching for the ring that still sat on her left hand. "This is yours."

Nathan nodded as he took the ring back, looking down at it carefully. "Good luck, Meredith," he breathed.

"You too," she whispered, watching him walk out the door and down the stairs. She had thought that she would feel relieved, feel that a weight had been lifted off of her shoulders. But she couldn't feel any relief at all, only fear that Derek wouldn't make it through.

She made her way down the hall to the ICU, finding Christina standing at the desk with Altman. "How is he?" she demanded.

Christina glanced at Altman for a moment, then turned back to Meredith. "He's stable," she replied. "The craniotomy went off without a hitch, and he's still under. We're not anticipating any problems, but we'll have to wait for him to wake up."

Meredith swallowed hard as she nodded. "Where is he?" she asked.

"In the private room," Christina nodded to her right, where the Chief was walking out of the room with a chart in his hands.

"Thanks," Meredith breathed, turning to move slowly towards the room.

When she entered the room she felt another wave of nausea wash over her. There wasn't anyone else in the room, and Derek was lying in the bed, pale and still. He was barely unrecognizable with his head shaved and the life drained from him. She couldn't believe that this was what it had taken for her to realize that she was in love with him. She knew how much she wanted to be with him, but it was possible that it was already too late.

The doctor inside of her believed that it was going to be fine. Derek's surgery had been completely routine, it had gone exactly how it should have. But that didn't mean that he was out of the woods yet. He still had to wake up from the anesthesia, he had had a traumatic brain injury and could have some lasting side effects from the injury.

And then there was the normal, family member of a patient inside of her. She was terrified that she would never see Derek's smile again, never hear his laugh or feel the warmth of his touch again. She swallowed her tears back and sat down beside the bed, reaching for Derek's hand.

"Hi," she breathed, leaning closer to him. "I…I don't know if you can hear me, but there is something that I need to say. It's been a long day, a long and scary day, and I'm so glad that you made it through the surgery. You made it through and now all you have to do is wake up. You have to wake up I have a lot to say to you. I have to tell you that I know now. I know that I love you. I love you, and not Nathan. I really hope that you can hear this, but you still have to wake up. I just…I need to tell it to your face."

She looked up when she heard the door to the room open, and stood up when she saw the Chief walk in. "Chief," she breathed, trying to blink the tears out of her eyes. "I…I can explain."

"Relax, Grey," Webber said, looking down at Derek before turning to look at the monitors. "I haven't seen anything here besides a concerned family member."

Meredith nodded slowly, appreciating his discretion when it came to recognizing that she was more than professionally concerned for Derek's survival. "Thank you," she breathed.

"I contacted his mother," Richard commented. "She is listed as his next of kin, but one of her daughters is in labor right now. She said she will be on the next plane out, as soon as the baby is born."

Meredith swallowed hard as she looked down at Derek. "Okay," she whispered.

Richard reached down to squeeze Meredith's shoulder as she sank down into the chair. "Meredith," he said softly. "He is in the best hands on the west coast. He sailed through the surgery and now all we have to do is wait for him to wake up."

"That's not it," Meredith whispered. "There is a lot of stuff that still could go wrong. He could have a reaction to the anesthesia and not wake up. He could show more signs of a TBI if he wakes up. He could be paralyzed, he could…"

"You need to stop thinking like a doctor," Richard said softly. "It's pretty obvious that you're not here as a coworker. And if you're not here as a doctor, you need to stop thinking like a doctor, you need to stop thinking like a doctor. He's going to wake up and be fine."

"I hope so," Meredith breathed. "I finally…I just need him to wake up."

Richard patted her shoulder before he moved back towards the door. "Have faith, Meredith," he said. "It will get you through a lot."

"Faith," Meredith tested the word as she turned back to Derek and took his hand. "I don't know if faith is going to be on my side after everything I put you through. But I hope it is, because I don't know what will happen if I can't talk to you, really talk to you about this." She paused for a moment, feeling somewhat stupid for talking to someone who couldn't talk back to him. But she wasn't going to leave his side and there was a chance that he might be able to hear her, so she continued to talk.

"Richard called your mom," she reported. "She's going to be here as soon as she can, but apparently one of your sisters is in labor. She said she'll get a flight as soon as the baby is born so it would be great if you woke up before then. Because I never really thought that I would be meeting your mom, especially as your potential girlfriend person. But now I don't even know where we stand or if I even am your girlfriend person, so it would be great if you would wake up before then. Not that I can't handle it without you or anything, but I don't even know what she looks like or likes to do, and I could really use your help in making sure that I don't mess up meeting your mom for the first time. Oh, and I just heard something really interesting in the cafeteria today…"

She suddenly found it a lot easier to talk to him, topic after topic coming easily as she rambled continuously to an unconscious Derek. And as she held tightly to his hand and talked to him, she didn't see Nathan standing in the door behind her, a sad smile playing on his face.

XXXXX

Hours later, Meredith drifted back into consciousness as she felt a hand gently stroking her hair. She took a deep breath as she blinked and lifted her head slightly off of the side of Derek's bed. It took her a long moment to realize where she was, and when she remembered what had happened that day she turned to look at the bed, gasping when she saw Derek sitting up in the bed, fully awake and watching her carefully.

"Derek," she breathed. "You're…awake."

"So are you," he whispered, his voice hoarse and his words slightly slurred. "What happened?"

Meredith swallowed hard as she reached for his hand. "You were in a car accident," she said. "The chief performed a craniotomy on you yesterday."

Derek frowned as he closed his eyes and leaned back against the pillows. "That would explain the pain," he finally murmured.

"I should get Webber," Meredith breathed, standing to move towards the door, stopping when she realized that Derek hadn't let go of her hand.

"You're here," he breathed.

"Oh," Meredith nodded. "Yeah, I…I'm here."

"You're here, and you were sleeping next to my bed," Derek murmured, his eyes falling shut. "And I…tired."

"I know," she breathed, squeezing his hand tightly. "We'll talk later. Get some sleep."

"Love…Mer," he murmured as he drifted back to sleep, unaware of the tightening in her chest at his words. She had only just realized today that she was completely in love with him, and it felt like too much too soon to say it to him. But he was asleep and drugged, and if the past twelve hours had taught her anything, it was that she couldn't put anything off.

"I love you too," she breathed, leaning forward to press a gentle kiss to his forehead before gently prying her fingers from his grip. She moved back towards the door and opened it, stepping into the hallway and in front of the nurse's station. "Page the Chief please," she requested. "Dr. Shepherd just woke up from anesthesia."

"Of course, Dr. Grey," the nurse nodded, picking up the phone. "He should be here soon, he's still in his office."

"Thank you," Meredith nodded before turning back to Derek's room. She resumed her place at his bedside, sinking into the chair and finally breathing a sigh of relief that he had woken up and didn't seem to hate her. Maybe it was the drugs talking, maybe he would hate her when he was sober, but he had said that he loved her. And as amazing it had been to hear, it was even more amazing to say it to him. She had finally let herself admit her feelings for him, and he was awake, so now she could finally allow herself to hope for the future and the fact that things just may work out for them in the end.

"Meredith," Webber's voice came from the doorway sounding somewhat exhausted, mixed with a hint of relief. "He was awake?"

"For a couple minutes," Meredith nodded. "He said he was in pain, but I had to tell him what happened. He was pretty effected by the drugs."

"Did he say anything else?" Webber asked as he checked the monitors then moved to Derek's side.

"No." It probably wasn't the appropriate time to brag about being in love.

"Okay," Webber nodded before gently reaching down to shake Derek's shoulder. "Shep. I need you to wake up so I can check you out."

"Do you have to wake him?" Meredith frowned. "He's recovering from surgery."

"Meredith, an hour ago you were panicking because you were terrified that he wasn't going to wake up," Webber pointed out.

"And now he has woken up," Meredith frowned. "You don't need to wake him to make sure he's okay. He needs sleep, you can wait until he wakes up on his own."

"Grey, you're a doctor you know that's not how this works."

"He's not just a normal patient," Meredith argued. "And you know that."

"I am the doctor here," Webber argued. "Do not make me send you to the waiting room like I would for any other family."

"I'm not going anywhere."

"Dr. Grey."

"Let her stay."

Meredith and Richard both turned to look at the bed, where Derek was drifting back into consciousness.

"Derek," Meredith breathed, moving back to his side and reaching for his hand.

"All the yelling is giving me a headache," he murmured.

"I think that was the brain surgery you had earlier," she giggled slightly.

"Joke, Mer," he sighed before turning to Webber. "Chief."

"Welcome back, Shep," he said, shining his penlight into his eyes. "You gave us quite the scare."

"Sorry," Derek sighed. "Don't make her leave."

"As long as she lets me be the doctor, she's fine," Webber said, leaning Derek forward slightly so he could examine the incision.

"I'll be good," Meredith smiled, leaning back in her chair and letting Webber perform the examination.

"Everything looks okay," he said after a moment before returning to stand at the end of the bed. "Do you remember what happened?"

Derek sighed as he leaned back into the pillows and closed his eyes in concentration. "I was hit on the driver side," he said. "I was on my way to the ferryboat dock, bastard ran a red light."

"You were brought in after they got you out of the car," Richard reported. "I performed an emergency craniotomy that went flawlessly. We'll keep you here for another two days at least to make sure we can get the pain under control and that your injury wasn't any more severe than it appears to be now."

"Okay," Derek sighed. "Is there any way I can get more morphine? This is killing me."

Webber glanced at the monitor before he nodded. "I'll send the nurse in with another dosage," he said. "Is there anything else I can get for you?"

Derek scrunched his nose up as he thought for a moment and Meredith fought the urge to laugh at how innocent he looked in that moment.

"Mer?" his voice brought her back to the present, and she looked up at him carefully.

"Yes, Derek?" she muffled a laugh.

"Do I need anything else?"

"I think you just need some sleep right now," Meredith said, reaching for his hand. "I'll be here when you wake up."

"M not tired," Derek said. "You're here."

"I'm here," Meredith smiled, sitting down cautiously on the edge of the bed. "And I'm not leaving until you're better."

"What about…" Derek frowned for a moment before he sighed. "What about your husband?"

"I'm not married," she shook her head firmly. "And as of yesterday…" she held up her empty left hand for his examination. "I'm not engaged either."

"You're not?" Derek frowned, reaching for her hand and stroking his thumb over her empty ring finger.

"I'm not," Meredith shook her head, her hands moving to his chest. "Derek, when you were brought into the ER, I didn't know what to do. I didn't know…I thought you might…well, it made me realize things."

"What kinds of things?" Derek asked.

"I realized how stupid I've been," Meredith whispered. "I've known that I've had feelings for you since…well, before LA. But I thought that I was doing the right thing by making sure that Nathan was happy, even though it killed me to hurt you. But yesterday, when I saw you in the OR, I just…I knew that I had to stop kidding myself. I wasn't being fair to anyone, so I had to break up with Nathan. Even if you wouldn't want me after everything I put you through, I had to break up with him because I don't love him."

"Mer, I love the rambling," Derek breathed. "But there is way too much morphine in my body right now to process it. Can you give me the abridged version?"

Meredith smiled as she leaned in closer to him. "Derek Shepherd," she whispered. "I'm in love with you."

He smiled widely as he moved his hand to her thigh. "I'm in love with you too, Meredith Grey," he breathed.

"Good," she whispered. "And I fully expect to have this conversation again when you're sober."

"I'll remember everything," Derek promised.

"Really?" Meredith raised an eyebrow. "What did we just talk about?"

"I'm on morphine," Derek said, his eyes already closing again. "Don't expect me to remember things like that."

"Okay," Meredith smiled, rubbing his chest gently as he drifted off to sleep.

"Meredith." A voice came from the door, and she turned to see Christina standing in the entrance to the room, a cup of coffee in one hand and a packaged salad in the other.

"Christina," she breathed, gesturing to the chair beside her. "Come on in."

"I heard he's awake," Christina commented, handing Meredith the food without question.

"Thanks," Meredith breathed, unwrapping the salad and digging into it. "And thank you for everything you did for me today. I don't know what I would have done without you to step in."

"It's what I'm for," Christina shrugged. "Although I never knew you could inhale food like that."

Meredith sighed as she threw her napkin into the empty salad container and reached for her coffee. "I haven't eaten since breakfast yesterday," she admitted.

"Clearly haven't showered or changed your clothes either," Christina commented. "And I mean that in the most loving way possible."

"Thanks," Meredith rolled her eyes before turning back to watch Derek, who was still sleeping soundly. "I just can't leave him."

"He's asleep," Christina commented.

"He's in and out of it," Meredith corrected. "And I don't want him to wonder where I am if he wakes up."

"So I'll stay," Christina shrugged. "Seriously, Mer, you're not doing yourself or him any favors by not showering. It will take you twenty minutes."

Meredith sighed as she looked down at Derek. She really didn't want to leave him, but the idea of a shower did sound tempting. And Derek wouldn't even remember if she was there or not. "Okay," she finally relented. "Just…tell him that I'll be right back if he wakes up."

"I will," Christina promised, then smirked. "This should be fun. I can really mess with Shepherd when he's on drugs."

Meredith shook her head as she made her way down the hall to the locker room, suddenly feeling better than she had in days. Derek was awake, he loved her, and she loved him. They could figure out the rest.

a


	20. Chapter 20

**I know it's been forever since I updated, and I don't really have an excuse except for the fact that grad school has been completely kicking my butt. I hope you're still interested, and thank you to those who have been encouraging me to keep writing! Sending love to you all!**

Derek's head was spinning. He knew that part of that was probably because of the brain surgery he had just survived, but there was another factor in his spinning head. A beautiful, blonde giggling factor that made him want to rip the IV out of his arm so he could go home and really figure this thing with Meredith out.

She hadn't been there when he had woken from his sleep, but he figured she had gone to search for something to eat. There was a tray full sitting beside his bed full of a grilled cheese sandwich, tomato soup, a salad a cup of juice and a carton of milk. He reached out to touch the bowl of soup, and finding it still warm to the touch he figured the noise of the nurse coming in to deliver the tray was probably what had dragged him out of his unusually deep sleep. Meredith must have gone down to the cafeteria in search of her own lunch.

With a shaking hand, he reached for the tray to scoot it closer to the bed. His fine motor skills weren't as strong as they had been twenty four hours before, but he knew they would all come back as his body healed. With a frown of determination, he struggled to pick up his spoon and bring a bite of soup all the way to his mouth. It took two tries that ended with a red spill on his hospital issue nightgown, before the soup reached his mouth, and suddenly the task was much easier with one successful journey from the bowl to his mouth.

As he sipped the soup, he marveled about how much had changed in one day. The previous morning, he had woken up with a heavy heart, knowing that Meredith was busy planning a wedding to another man and there was little he could do that could change her mind. He had gone to work and performed a surgery before leaving the hospital in hopes of not running into Meredith for fear of the pain it caused him.

But the next time he had woken up, this morning, Meredith had been at his bedside and her hand had been free of the diamond that had paralyzed him since they had returned from L.A.

His heart was filled with anticipation, but he refused to actually become excited. He had been groggy with medicine when Meredith had explained things to him, and he didn't want to get excited about this actually happening until he spoke with her. She could have been scared by his accident and regret her decision when she realized that he was going to be okay. He had been in enough pain when she had backed out of her plan to dump Nathan; to hear her tell him that she was going to be with him and then return to Nathan may kill him.

"You're awake," her voice came from the doorway, and she approached with a take out box and a bottle of water in her hands.

"I am," he nodded. "I figured you got hungry."

"It's dinner time," she shrugged as she settled into the chair still draped with her coat that was placed beside his bed. "How are you feeling?"

"Okay," he said honestly. "My head hurts and I had some trouble getting my hands to work right, but other than that I'm great."

Meredith eyed his stained night shirt and set her own food aside. "Do you need help?" she asked cautiously.

"I'm doing okay," Derek said, proving his point as he brought another soup to his mouth.

"Oh," Meredith nodded. "I…okay."

Derek could see the uncertainty and the disappointment flash through her eyes and he set his spoon down on the try. "Of course I'm not going to say no if a beautiful woman offers to feed me," he said with a smirk.

Meredith giggled as she moved to sit on the side of his bed and reached for his spoon. "It's not exactly sexy," she said as she held the spoon out to her.

"It's always sexy when you're around," Derek said.

Meredith smiled as she reached for the soup again, but her eyes told him that something was bothering her. "What is it?" he prodded gently.

"Nothing," she shook her head.

"Meredith," he said softly, in the way he knew she couldn't resist. He was proved correct when she sighed and met his eyes.

"I'm scared," she said softly.

"Of what?" he asked, reaching his hand out to cover hers.

"I broke my promise," she whispered. "I told you that I would stay with you, and then I went back to Nathan and got engaged. And then I flashed that in front of your face for months. And when I finally decide that I made the wrong choice, you get hit by a car and have to have brain surgery. Brain surgery, Derek. Because of me."

"You're not the reason I had to have surgery," he assured her. "That's not your fault. That's the bastard who decided to drive drunk's fault."

"I know," she breathed. "But I freaked out, and I tried to find you and you were in the OR…I just feel like you're going to hate me. When you recover and your brain starts working in the way it's supposed to again, you're going to realize what I did to you and hate me forever."

"Meredith, I could never hate you," he breathed. "I've been thinking the same thing about you. I made it so hard for you, I was sure you would hate me."

"What?" she asked. "Derek, why could you ever think that?"

"I thought you had gotten freaked out because of the accident," Derek admitted. "And once you realized that I was going to be okay, you would think you made a mistake and go back to Nathan."

"Derek, that's not going to happen," she said firmly. "And I realized that I love you before I knew you'd been in an accident, not after."

"What?" Derek asked, his heart beginning to pound in his chest.

"I realized it before, not after."

"Realized what?" Derek asked.

Meredith's eyes widened slightly as she realized what he wanted her to say, and she turned her hand over in his, squeezing it tightly. "That I love you," she whispered.

"I love you too," Derek said, his voice stronger than it had been since he'd woken up from his surgery. "I love you so much."

"Can I kiss you now?" she whispered.

"Meredith," he pulled her closer. "You never have to ask me that."

"Okay," she giggled, leaning in to close her lips against his. "I love you."

"I love you too."

He held her against him for another long moment, only to be interrupted by a throat being cleared in the doorway. Meredith pulled away quickly, her body heat going with her and leaving a wave of cold to wash over him.

"Dr. Bailey," Meredith breathed. "I um…I was just checking to make sure…"

"I know what you were checking, Grey," Bailey rolled her eyes. "And as long as the two of you don't do it in my hospital I don't give a damn about what your relationship is."

"Can I go home then?" Derek asked. "Because there's a lot that I need to do, and apparently I can't do it in the hospital."

"Derek," Meredith hissed, and he turned to see her face flushing.

"It's true," he insisted.

"It's going to be a few weeks before you're cleared for that," Meredith whispered, not missing Bailey searching her left hand for the engagement ring that clearly wasn't there. She ignored the watchful gaze and reached to tangle her fingers with Derek's.

"You're also not leaving," Bailey added. "But you have a visitor."

"And we were doing very important things," Derek nodded. "So I'd appreciate it if you'd let us get back to it."

"I think she was referring to me," a voice came from the doorway, and Derek turned to see his mother standing in front of him, as confident and sure of herself as ever.

"Mom," he breathed.

"Mom?" Meredith gasped, jumping off of his bed and grabbing her hand out of his. "I mean, Mrs. Shepherd…I um…I have to…"

"Mer, it's okay," Derek whispered. "I want you to meet her."

"Everything looks good," Bailey said, making a note in Derek's chart. "I'll leave the three of you to…discuss."

"Thank you, Dr. Bailey," Carolyn nodded.

Meredith shifted her weight from one foot to the other, obviously uncomfortable with the entire situation. She was ringing her hands together and avoiding eye contact with both him and his mother, and he could tell that she was in way over her head in this situation.

"Mom," he broke the silence, reaching for Meredith's hand and squeezing tightly, not allowing her to pull away. "This is Meredith."

"It's nice to meet you, Meredith," Carolyn said evenly, examining the younger woman closely. "Although I do wish it had been under better circumstances."

"Me too," Meredith breathed. "I mean, I'm glad to meet you. Even if we weren't really planned it and Derek's in the hospital…I um…it's nice to meet you."

Carolyn stared at Meredith for another moment before she turned to Derek with a frown that he recognized all too well. "Derek Christopher Shepherd," she said in the same tone of voice she'd used when he and Mark had gotten suspended for smoking behind the bleachers in high school. "What in the world have you done to yourself this time?"

"It's not a big deal, Mom," Derek shook his head, ignoring the pain. "I'll be better soon, you didn't need to come."

His mother rolled her eyes, clearly not buying his lie. Not that he had ever been able to get away with lying to him. "Meredith," she said, turning to look at her. "I know I can trust you to tell me the truth."

"Oh," Meredith breathed, glancing at Derek and clearly unsure of whether she should continue with his story or allow his mother to trust her and tell her the truth. "He was in a car accident," she explained softly, delivering a soft squeeze to his hand. "He got hit in the driver's side door, came in presenting with traumatic brain injury. The chief performed a craniotomy on him yesterday morning, and it went flawlessly. Barring any complications, he should be fine to go home tomorrow."

"Dr. Bailey said today," Derek frowned.

"He's also on a lot of morphine and his memory's a little foggy," Meredith added. "All of which is completely normal."

"I see," Carolyn nodded, turning to look at Derek. "I swear, Derek, if I get one more phone call about you…"

"You won't do anything," Derek said. "You love me too much."

"That's what I lead you to believe," Carolyn sighed, leaning down to press a kiss to his cheek. "I'm glad you're alright, sweetheart."

"Thanks, Ma," he breathed. "I'm glad you're here."

"I wish it was better timing," Carolyn said, reaching into her bag. "As I'm a grandmother again and barely had time to enjoy it."

"Liz…gave birth?" Derek breathed.

"Her name is Sarah Elizabeth," Carolyn smiled proudly, handing him a picture. "She was born yesterday afternoon, healthy as can be."

"That's amazing," Derek said, examining the picture closely before turning to Meredith. "Ours will be cuter, Mer."

Meredith dropped his hand onto the bed, her eyes going wide and scared as she backed away from the bed slightly. "What?" she breathed.

Even through his morphine induced haze, Derek knew he had said something wrong. "Mer…" he whispered. "Don't…"

"I um…I have to go find…I have to go," Meredith breathed, backing towards the door slowly, her eyes locked on his.

"You're not going anywhere," Carolyn said firmly, causing Meredith to stop in her tracks and stare at her carefully. "I flew all the way out here to make sure my son was alright and to meet the woman he apparently can't live without. So you're going to sit down and the two of you are going to explain what exactly is going on here."

"Meredith," Derek breathed, holding his hand out to her. "Please…"

She stared at him for a long moment, biting on her lower lip as she contemplated what to do. Finally, glancing at Carolyn Shepherd's watchful eye, she slid past his mother and sat down on the bed with him and allowed him to wrap an arm around her.

"Good," Carolyn nodded, sitting down in the chair beside his bed. "Now last I heard, Meredith was engaged and Derek was miserable. Now you're in his bed discussing your children. I want to know what's happened."

Derek squeezed Meredith tightly, and she sighed, knowing that she was the one who needed to explain what had happened in order to gain his mother's trust.

"I was engaged," she said softly, looking down at her hands. "Derek and I…there was something there. From the start, both of us felt it, and that's why he broke up with Tiffany. I was going to break up with Nathan also, but his mother was sick and he was so fragile, I couldn't do it. But I still felt…I still wanted to be with Derek. It was wrong, I know, I tried to ignore it. But yesterday, when he came into the ER, and I thought he might…I knew what I had to do. The thought of losing him made me physically sick, and I knew that I had to end things with Nathan. So I did, and I was here when he woke up. I wasn't sure if he would take me back, especially after how I treated him, but he did, and now...we still have a lot to work out, but we love each other. And I'm going to help him get better, every step of the way."

"I love her, Mom," Derek breathed, leaning into Meredith. "And now she loves me back too. Isn't that all that matters?"

"I'd like to think that," Carolyn nodded. "But sweetheart…you've tried this before. I don't want to see you get hurt again."

"I'm not going to hurt him," Meredith said firmly. "I know you don't know me, and you probably don't like me, but I hate how much I've hurt him already. It's not going to happen again."

"Meredith, I don't dislike you," Carolyn corrected gently. "I don't know you enough to make that judgment, but I will be honest and say that I do not approve of how my son was used."

"I know," Meredith breathed, tears filling her eyes. "I don't either, Mrs. Shepherd. And I'm sorry. I hope that you can learn to like me despite all that I did."

"I hope so too," Carolyn nodded. "But it doesn't seem very promising that you just tried to run out of the room when babies were mentioned."

"Ma," Derek said. "It slipped. I shouldn't have said anything, we've barely had time to discuss anything. She's been here, but a majority of the time I've been sleeping."

"You've wanted children for as long as I can remember," Carolyn said. "Are you willing to give that up?"

"I don't know," Derek breathed. "But all I'm asking is for some time for Meredith and I to discuss this like adults. Preferably after I'm off of morphine and my brain is thinking clearly. And I'm not in the hospital."

Carolyn nodded slowly. "You're right," she said softly, reaching for her bag. "I'm going to get a room at the hotel across the hall. I haven't slept since your niece was born. I'll get some rest and then come back to visit some more."

"You don't have to leave," Meredith said. "I know I was…I can go. You flew all the way out here to see Derek, I'll go and the two of you can visit."

"I think my son would much rather spend time with you right now," Carolyn smiled softly. "Don't worry, Meredith, I'm sure I will get plenty of time with both of you before I leave."

"Goodnight, Mom," Derek breathed, reaching around Meredith to hug her tightly. "I'm glad you're here."

"Me too, sweetheart," she whispered. "Derek, if I had lost you…"

"You didn't," he squeezed her tight. "I love you."

"I love you too," she sighed as she pulled back. "So much. And Meredith," she turned to look at the girl in his bed. "I'm so glad to have met you. I wish it was under better circumstances, but I am so looking forward to getting to know you better."

"Oh," Meredith breathed, freezing in her arms for a moment before she returned the hug. "I'm looking forward to that too."

"Good night, both of you," Carolyn smiled before turning towards the door.

"That went…okay, right?" Meredith asked, turning to look at Derek. "She doesn't completely hate me?"

"She doesn't hate you at all," Derek said, reaching for her hand. "She just doesn't know you."

Meredith nodded, looking down at their combined hands. "She was right, though," she breathed. "I was awful to you."

"Meredith," he breathed, leaning in to kiss her softly. "I can't pretend that I'm not upset by what happened. We have a lot of talking to do, but I would prefer to wait until we're home to talk about this."

"I know," she whispered. "I just want you to know that this is it. I'm not going to leave you or back out again. I know you probably can't trust me, but I need to say it. And eventually I'm going to do everything I can to prove that to you."

Derek nodded slowly, his eyes shining slightly. "Thank you," he whispered. "We still have a lot to talk about and figure out, but I needed to hear that."

"I love you," Meredith whispered, curling into his side as best she could among the wires and heart monitors.

"I love you too," he breathed.

"Your sister had a baby," Meredith said softly, reaching for the picture of the newborn that sat abandoned on his bed.

"She did," Derek said, his hand moving in slow circles around her back. "She's beautiful."

"Hmmm…" Meredith breathed. "Ours will be cuter."

"Meredith…" he breathed, looking down at her. "Really?"

"Not now," Meredith said quickly. "In the future. A long long time from now. But eventually, with you…I think I could do the mom thing. Maybe."

"You'll be an amazing mother," Derek breathed.

"But we're not talking now," Meredith said, effectively ending the conversation. "Tonight we're just us."

"Us," Derek nodded. "I like us."

"I like us too," Meredith said softly. "I'll take you home tomorrow."

"Mer?" Derek asked.

"Hmmm?" she asked, her eyes feeling heavy.

"Thank you," he whispered, settling back into the pillows himself. "I love you."

And then they both slept, relaxed and wrapped around each other in complete peace.


	21. Chapter 21

**It's finally here! I'm so sorry for the wait, but I have had major frustration due to what I think has been a downfall in the show and completely abandoned the story. I think I've grown out of it and figured out where I want the story to go, so I hope you enjoy!**

Meredith couldn't help but smile as she made her way to Derek's room the following morning. She had spent the night in his hospital bed, and although she had been interrupted each time the nurses had come in to check his stats, she knew that it had been the best night she'd had since she and Derek had last spent the night together. Derek had still been sleeping the hour before when she'd slipped out of the room for a quick shower in the residents' locker room and then gone in search of coffee. While she'd been on her way back to his floor she'd run into the doctor who had been treating him and had been pleased to learn that if all went well he would be released later that afternoon. Generally patients weren't released as quickly after injuries similar to his, but since had had shown remarkable recovery thus far and would be released into the care of a fellow neurosurgeon, there was a good chance that he would be allowed to go home that day. She knew he would be happy to hear that, and though part of her felt as though she shouldn't get his hopes up in case the plan didn't work out, she knew that he needed some good news. He had been through a lot emotionally over the past couple days, and knowing that he could return to his apartment would likely give him something to look forward to.

"Hey stranger," she greeted him as she walked into his private room. "You look pretty good for someone who just had brain surgery."

"I think it has something to do with my company," Derek smiled, reaching for her hand as she sat down on the side of his bed. "I missed you when I woke up."

"I went to shower," she explained. "And find coffee."

Derek nodded in understanding. "I guess last night probably wasn't the best night's sleep you've ever had," he sighed. "I wish we could have spent the night at one of our places."

Meredith leaned forward so they were closer together as she offered him a warm smile. "We were together, Derek," she said softly. "That's all that matters. I know I screwed up and made a lot of mistakes, but I know now. As long as I'm in your arms, I could never have a bad night's sleep."

Derek's eyes reflected his gratitude, but he couldn't resist the opportunity to tease her. "Why Meredith Grey, I do believe that the lack of sleep has caused you to become cheesy."

Meredith rolled her eyes as she pulled her hand out of his grasp. "You better watch it," she warned. "I have the full ability to leave this hospital any time I want. You, my friend, are not so lucky."

"You wouldn't leave me," Derek insisted, and he smiled as she leaned in to take his hand again. "You love me too much."

Meredith couldn't help smiling as she leaned in to kiss him softly. "I do love you," she whispered. "And I will spend the rest of my life trying to make this whole thing up to you."

"Meredith," he breathed softly. "Once we're out of here we can really talk, but I want you to know that there is absolutely nothing that you need to make up to me. Just the fact that you love me is enough."

"I do," Meredith promised. "I do love you, I know that things are going to be difficult for a while, but we can do this. I want to do this."

"Me too," he whispered. "And this time…I want to do it right."

"Do it right?" Meredith asked, a confused and curious smile playing on her face. "What do you mean do it right?"

"I mean dating," Derek said. "I love you too, Meredith, but I know that last time we were cheating on people. It wasn't right, and this time we have to things the right way. I'm talking wining and dining and ferry boat rides."

"Ferry boat rides, huh?" Meredith asked. "You sure know the way to a girl's heart."

"I know the way to yours," Derek said sincerely, causing Meredith's smile to become less amused and more loving.

"You do," she said. "And you already have it."

"Two cheesy comments in one conversation," Derek smiled. "I think you are going soft."

Meredith smiled as she leaned in to kiss him. "I blame you," she said softly. "You and your bright and shininess."

"I'm not bright and shiny," Derek argued. "I have my dark and twisty past, just like you."

"Somehow I doubt that," Meredith said. "With your momish mom and the family things that you're always running off to."

"Just because I have a family doesn't mean that I'm bright and shiny," Derek argued. "See this cast on my head? Proof that bad stuff happens to me too."

Meredith nodded slowly. "Your mom thinks I'm one of those bad things," she commented.

"She doesn't," Derek insisted. "She just doesn't know you. I'm the only boy, she's being protective."

"So you're a mama's boy," Meredith nodded. "I have no hope of her ever liking me, do I?"

"I told you, she just needs time," Derek said. "Let her get to know you, and she'll learn to love all there is to love about you."

"Even the fact that I made you dark and twisty for months?" Meredith asked.

"Give her a couple months to see how happy we are once I get out of here and she'll forget all about the dark and twisty."

"Will you?" she asked softly.

Derek's expression turned to one of concern. "Meredith," he breathed. "I already told you…"

"I know that you said I don't have to make anything up to you," Meredith said. "But is this one of the things that is going to come up when we fight? Because I don't want to always lose because I made this mistake and can't take it back."

"It won't be," Derek shook his head. "We weren't ready, Mer. Last time…things weren't right, and we were both with other people. I can't blame you for wanting to make sure before you broke things off with Nathan."

"I love you for understanding that," Meredith whispered. "I know you're right, I just…good things don't happen to me. Even with Nathan, I was content, but I had no idea how to be happy with him. With you things are different. With you, I don't need to think about being happy, I just am."

"I feel the same way," Derek whispered, pulling her closer to kiss him again.

"So what do we do now?" Meredith asked after a long moment.

"We wait until we're given the all clear out of this place," Derek said. "And then we go home so I can kiss you the way I want to."

Meredith laughed. "That sounds amazing," she said. "But I'm thinking more big picture. What do we do about our relationship?"

"We take it one step at a time," Derek said. "If there's one thing I've learned, it's that planning to do things a certain way never comes out the way we think they're going to."

"So just…figure it out as we go," Meredith breathed. "People do that?"

"They do," Derek nodded. "We do."

Before Meredith could respond, a doctor knocked on the door and smiled widely as he entered. Meredith slipped off of the bed and into the chair beside it, allowing the doctor room to read Derek's stats and make some notes in his chart.

"How are you feeling today, Dr. Shepherd?" he asked.

"Pretty good," Derek said. "Head still hurts a bit, but given the circumstances I think that's not bad."

"I agree," he nodded. "Your stats look good, and we'll continue monitoring you for the rest of the day. Given how well you're progressing, if everything goes according to plan we'll send you in for another scan this afternoon and send you home if everything looks good. Sound okay to you?"

"It sounds more than okay," Derek nodded. "It sounds amazing."

"Relax, enjoy your day, and we'll check back after lunch." With that, the doctor was gone, leaving Meredith and Derek alone in the hospital room. Derek offered her a wide smile, and she reached for his hand.

"You're recovering quickly," she said. "That's amazing, Derek."

"Home," he breathed. "It's only been a couple days, but it sounds amazing."

"You know," Meredith said, setting her coffee on the side table and sliding onto the bed again. "I happen to be an excellent doctor who specializes in traumatic brain injuries."

Derek smiled as he traced the back of her hand with his thumb. "I do think I've heard that somewhere," he commented.

"And I don't usually do this," Meredith continued. "But I think that I could make an exception for handsome neurosurgeons who have traumatic brain injuries."

"Really?" Derek raised his eyebrows in curiosity. "And what rule exactly are you thinking of breaking? Because it sounds quite promising."

"The rule about house calls," Meredith whispered. "I think on this particular occasion I could make just one house call."

"Just one might be okay," Derek agreed. "I won't tell if you won't."

Meredith laughed as she leaned in to kiss him. "I love you."

"I love you too," Derek smiled. Before either of them could say anything else, a throat being cleared in the doorway, and both of them turned to see Carolyn Shepherd standing before them.

"Mom," Derek breathed, and Meredith scrambled back from him and back into the chair beside his bed.

"Good morning sweetheart," Carolyn smiled, coming closer to press a kiss to his cheek. "You look much better today."

"I'm feeling a lot better," Derek admitted. "The doctor said there's a good chance I could get home this afternoon if the scans are all clear."

"That's wonderful news," Carolyn smiled, turning to Meredith. "Good morning, Meredith."

"Good morning, Mrs. Shepherd," she said. "I'm glad you were able to make it out here so early."

"Well, I'm here to care for Derek as he gets better," Carolyn replied. "I want to do all I can to make sure he gets better as soon as possible."

Everything is looking great," Meredith said. "They said that since I'm a surgeon he can go home sooner than we usually let our patients with these kinds of injuries get discharged."

"That's wonderful, Derek," Carolyn smiled. "Meredith, I was hoping that while Derek is getting his tests we could perhaps get some coffee or lunch and get to know each other a bit better."

"Oh," Meredith breathed, wondering whether she was somehow falling into a trap of some sort. "That would be nice. If Derek's okay for a little while maybe I could even show you around Seattle for a bit."

"That sounds excellent," Carolyn said. "Darling, is there anything you need?"

Derek shrugged. "I just want to get home, but while I'm in here there's not much more I can be doing," he said. "I can entertain myself for a few hours. Mer brought me a copy of Hemingway's complete works, and given how little time I have to read it might be nice to catch up on some of the classics."

Carolyn shook her head. "You truly are your father's son," she said. "If he got started rereading any of Hemingway's works there was nothing I could do to get through to him."

Derek smiled as he looked at Meredith. "I hope you're taking notes," he commented. "You have all the information you need about Shepherd men right in front of you."

Meredith smiled slightly, feeling slightly more confident about Carolyn's presence in the room. "I guess I'll have to make sure I pay attention during lunch," she said.

"You guys should go have fun," Derek insisted. "I'll be fine."

"Are you sure?" Meredith frowned. "I don't want to leave you when you're still in the hospital."

"I think they know what they're doing here," Derek laughed. "I've heard good things. I'll tell the doctors to call you first if anything does happen."

"Sweetheart, I came here to spend time with you," Carolyn said softly. "I simply meant that if you're going to be in tests it would be nice for Meredith to have some company. Neither one of us wants to leave you alone in a hospital bed."

Derek turned to look at his mom with pleading eyes. "Please, Mom," he whispered so Meredith wouldn't hear him. "Meredith doesn't know how to do this, she needs some time alone with you to make her feel confident."

Carolyn sighed as she squeezed his hand. "You're sure you're alright?" she asked.

"Positive," Derek promised.

"Well, Meredith, if you're willing I suppose we're being kicked out," Carolyn said with a warm smile. "Would you care to show me the cafeteria and I'll treat you to breakfast?"

"Sure," Meredith said, standing and leaning towards Derek, freezing halfway as she realized Carolyn was watching the two of them. Derek seemed to recognize her hesitance and pulled her down to kiss her softly.

"She'll have to get used to it," he said with a smile against her lips.

Meredith blushed as she pulled back, avoiding Carolyn's eyes as she reached for her phone where it sat on the table. "Call me if you need anything at all," she said. "We'll be back in an hour or so."

"Okay," Derek nodded, reaching for the heavy book that sat on the table beside his bed.

Meredith led Carolyn out of the room and through the halls of the hospital, leading her to the elevator. She wasn't sure if she should be the one to start the conversation or if she should wait for Carolyn to bring up conversation. She wondered if Carolyn would somehow transform into an evil mother in law now that they were away from Derek, and finally figured that it was best to follow Carolyn's lead and wait for her to speak first.

"I don't think I'll ever get tired of spending time in a hospital," Carolyn commented as a group of doctors raced by while the pair was waiting for the elevator. "I worked as a Navy nurse for twenty five years after my husband died, and the excitement is not to be matched by anything."

"I didn't know you were a nurse," Meredith said, genuinely interested. "Is that why Derek became a doctor?"

"And all of his sisters as well," Carolyn said. "After my husband died I realized that I needed to make ends meet, so I found a hospital near the house we lived in at the time. The kids all spent a lot of time there, and I have to wonder if that's why they all became doctors."

"Probably," Meredith agreed. "My mom was a surgeon as well. I was always running around the hospital, sneaking into patient rooms and the OR gallery. That's probably why I became a doctor."

"From what Derek tells me you have quite a bit of potential," Carolyn commented as they reached the cafeteria. "He speaks very highly of you every time I speak with him on the phone."

"I didn't realize that he had been talking about me," Meredith said, reaching for a fruit cup.

"For several years now," Carolyn said, eyeing the young girl's expression. "It always seemed that you were more than a coworker."

Meredith didn't say anything as she paid for both of their breakfasts and they made their way to an empty table. "You must think I'm an awful person," she commented after they had both sat down and started on their meal.

"Why would I think that?" Carolyn asked.

"Because Derek was with Tiffany," Meredith replied. "They were living together, but he was talking about you when he called you and talked about me. Normal men don't do that."

"From what I understand," Carolyn said softly. "Derek was very confused about his relationship with Tiffany. I only met her a couple times, but from what I saw she was clearly not right for him."

"Really?" Meredith asked, her interest piqued. "Why not?"

"She was a very nice woman, but she simply didn't have what Derek needed," Carolyn replied.

"Oh," Meredith nodded, wondering if she wanted to hear the answer to the question she desperately wanted to ask. Finally deciding she had nothing to lose, she met Carolyn's eyes and asked, "What does Derek need?"

"He needs a strong woman who can take care of herself and him at the same time," Carolyn commented. "Someone who can help him see the color in the world, not just the black or white. Meredith…he needs you."

"You really think so?" Meredith asked, her face heating. She'd never discussed her love life with anyone in this way before, and she was acting on instinct alone.

"I know so," Carolyn promised. "I've only seen you for a few minutes together, but I can tell that he loves you more than he's ever loved any girl. And you somehow know exactly what he needs."

"I've made mistakes," Meredith said softly.

"We all make mistakes," Carolyn replied. "What happens is how you make up for the mistakes you do make."

"Derek said I didn't have to make anything up to him," Meredith said softly.

"I know that boy thinks he knows everything," Carolyn shook her head. "But I will tell you right now that's not the case. You've made mistakes, just like everyone else. And you make that up to him by loving him, caring for him, and helping him become a better man."

"You make it sound so easy," Meredith commented. "I've had relationships before, but…none of them were like what I feel with Derek."

"Meredith, the secret to a healthy relationship is simply making sure that you love the other person with all your heart in soul," Carolyn advised. "I wasn't married for nearly as long as I should have been, but in the fifteen years I shared with my husband I learned that if you simply love each other and make sure to communicate appropriately, the rest will fall into place."

Meredith nodded slowly, attempting to process everything she had just heard. Carolyn seemed to accept her as part of Derek's life, even approve of her, and she now knew that things would really work out in her life. After a moment, realizing that the serious talking points had all been addressed, she leaned forward and allowed a smile to grace her lips.

"Tell me about what Derek was like as a boy," she said. "I bet you have a lot of embarrassing stories that he won't let me hear while he's around."

"Oh, you can take your pick," Carolyn laughed. "Should I start with the time he tried to calm his hair with his sister's hair spray scented as flowers or the time he decided to make me dinner and ended up setting the stove on fire?"

"Let's start with the fire," Meredith giggled. "Apparently I'm not the only one who is a bad cook."

"I have plenty of stories about the kitchen alone," Carolyn laughed. "And when you meet my daughters I'm sure there will be other stories they have that I have forgotten. And there are likely some that I'm not even aware of."

Meredith smiled, finding that she was truly enjoying herself. She had been completely nervous about being alone with Derek's mom, but she now knew that it had been completely unnecessary. She wanted to get to know Carolyn better, to understand where Derek had come from and know the woman who had raised him to become the man that he was. She was truly enjoying herself, and she finally felt completely confident in the future of her relationship with Derek.


End file.
